Dad (91) had a pace maker put in August. I am his daughter and have been his caretaker for the last 4 years.

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My Dad has dementia plus medical problems. He still lives on his own in a senior residence I am his legal POA and Medical Surrogate. I do all of his finances( bills , rent. cleaning, shopping ( groceries and sometimes eating out. I have had no help from anyone in my family except for my Husband. Since his brains is affected ( he gets so confused and he mixes people. places. He is very gullible at time. Mean at time. Not all there. And that is what scares me, Real PROBLEM I have one daughter and two granddaughters. In the past they had taken money from my Dad. When I starting taking full care of my Dad, money was only given for birthday, holiday, graduations. My daughter flipped, Dad got nervous and said he wasn't choosing between his daughter and his great granddaughter. Granddaughter has not since him or visited him in over 3 years, Great granddaughter has only been coming around for the last 3 weeks . They have decided that they want to be his POA and handle his money, and his medical decisions . They want me not to be involved. My Dad got agitated with them. I got it verbally . I was told to ALWAYS protect my Dad because all they ever wanted was his money. I have done this until now. The Vultures are circling. I found them at his apt today, talking to him about changing his POA. I am not sure but can a POA be changed if the person is not all there, confused, forgets were he is. I am ready to pull my hair out. I have M/S and it isn't getting better. Can they do this. I want to protect my Dad like I always have. No one wanted to stepup before. Know there is money on the horizon (lawsuit) and here they are. Sorry I ranted so long but this is serious


Hi Solo, Has your dad been declared incompetent by his doctor? I think it is two or three doctors who have to make this determination. It might be different rules in different states. Call your attorney and tell him what is going on. You will need to either get documentation that he is incompetent or file for guardianship. If the drs have declared him incompetent then your dad would not be able to give his POA to another legally. That might not keep them from trying. You need to know how to keep them away. A peace bond? I'm not sure but your attorney would know. Ive read on this site that to file for guardianship is expensive. It might not be necessary if you can get the needed documents from his doctors. If he is legally competent then he can assign his power of attorney to whomever he chooses.
I would definitely talk to your lawyer asap. I think if it came down to it, a judge would think the poa was chg due to unstable mentally. Go to his Dr's an take him with you. Get at least 3-4 Dr's saying he is needing a p.o.a. an that the one in place now can not be chg due to incompetence. Get a date. If you have already got any papers fr Dr's with dates saying he cannot care for himself an needs poa from months ago, keep those hidden fr getting destroyed. Also I guess his dr know he is incompetent for awhile now I hope an can be on your side an let them know whats going on. But def see lawyer asap
Thank You ALL for your responses. They cannot change my P.O.A. but that only made them more angry. Yesterday they called Adult Protection Services and reported that I am physically and mentally abusing my Father. They interviewed my Dad . He told them he is NOT being abused but his mind is all over the place due to mental condition. The Doctor will be visiting him this week to see if he still competent ( which he is not) APS has not contacted me yet. I found all of this out when I went to care for my Dad today. The papers were on the kitchen table. I am devastated and in complete shock
I wouldn't normally make this drastic suggestion, but it sounds as if the vultures are circling, so you need to be very proactive.

I would ask your attorney about sending them a demand letter, a cease and desist letter which might even hint at slander and libel legal action against them for filing a false report with APS.

In the meantime, document every call, every thing they say, every thing that they're doing of which you're aware.

And start lining up people to support you. If you have paid caregivers, just mention to them what's going on; don't ask them to choose sides, but let them know about the relatives' actions.

In the meantime, assuming there are no legitimate issues of neglect, I might even contact APS and invite them out to discuss the issue - get it out on the table and show that you have nothing to hide.

Good luck; caregiving is hard enough with relatives trying to undermine your efforts with $$$ in their minds.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It's so hard. All of it. I know when I took over my aunts care ( and finances) I was viewed as the fun police because auntie would no longer be giving out cash for all their problems. No one who hasn't been responsible for another's care and security truly understands how stressful it can be and then to have the ones we should be able to count on for support to be trying to destroy our lives is terrible. So sorry. Be sure to take care of yourself for both your sakes.
You have got good advice. Definitely see the attorney ASAP. how did the vultures find out about the money? When it comes have the lawyer tie it up in some kind of trust so that only you can get at it for dad's care. if there is enough $$s maybe move him somewhere else for more care and supervision so the burden is lifted from you. This kind of stress will not improve your MS so get things tied up while you are still able and don't need more care yourself. Don't want to be depressing as I am sure you already know about the progression of MS

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