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My father has always been emotionally abusive. Now he is very ill. All he does is complain. All I hear is a constant stream of cursing about everything from the fact that the lunchmeat is cut too thin to there is nothing on TV. I am the sole caregiver. No siblings to help. I tried a visiting nurse but he refused and threw her out of the house. He doesn't even want to take his meds. i would put them out before I go to work and found out he was throwing them away and telling me he took them. Any recommendations before I have a nervous breakdown?


NURSING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHA thanks for making me laugh. That will not happen. He wont let a visiting nurse in how do you think I would get him to a nursing home?
Do what you can and do not feel guilty or inadequate for what you cannot accomplish. Sounds like he is grumpy, but he knows exactly what he is doing by not taking his meds. Allow him his choice. Make peace with his decisions as long as they do not threaten others...including you.

I recommend an iPod with headphones, the 20 something's seem to have the answer to blocking the world out. This will help you with his complaining.
Hi my dad was emotionally abusive to us when we were kids also the odd thump or slap he left when I was ten never helped us financially ever! thankgod I do not have to look after him now I leave that to his nasty girlfriend half his age!! HA!! bet shes sorry now! I would put him in a home or run for the hills!! You are a great person to be looking after him at all if he was this way all his life!
Get a tape recorder and record him for a day. Then set it beside him the next day, turn it on and walk off. Let HIM listen to himself for a change.
Stop turning yourself inside out, he is not going to change but you can change the way you react to him. Get yourself a pair of earphones and plug into your computer so you can ignore him. if you want to read download books and read them on the computer. if you don't have a Kindle Amazon has a free app you can download and then download books to that. there are many free or very cheap. even recent books are cheaper to buy than the print edition.
I agree with Veronica - your dad isn't going to change. You just have to change your reaction to him. You can't "save" him, he's determined to live his life as a miserable old man. Let him. Walk away, find interests for yourself, ignore his complaints. If he doesn't take his medicines, that's his choice. Let him be as miserable as he wants to be. When he sees you're not reacting, maybe he'll change his behavior. If he doesn't, well at least you've taken good care of yourself. Don't let him bring you down to his level.

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