My dad was abusive to my mom and us kids growing up. He still scares me.
As a kid he was cruel with his words and hands. Even now, he is old, and sometimes I see that rage in his eyes again. my husband and I are still young (40) we had our children young, and have 4 grandchildren.It was their room we gave to him. We adore these babies and used to have them over as often as possible. Now Im afraid of what he might do to one of them, so they almost never come now, and if they do I try to keep them away from him. He talks to them the way he did to us. he says mean things and tries to correct them even when its not apropriate. he says hes teaching them right, however I dont see how sternly telling a 18 mo old child that they need to color it the lines is teaching. Its mean. and shes a baby, just learning fine motor skills. I dont want her to be afraid to come to Nana and Papas house. But more than that I dont want any of them to have that fear I had as a child. I cant point this out because the past he remembers does'nt include the terrorizing of his family. when I tried to tell him he would not be allowed to bully my family he told my husband " shes crazy, I never mistreated my family, its all bullshit" So not only was he mean he lies about it. Not that i want to say "look here this is what you did" The past is gone. I just want my babies to feel safe, I want to feel as though they're safe. Im afraid as his dementia progresses this will worsen. I worked in a nursing home when I was younger. A fancy one for people with private pay, and the day i walked off my job I told my boss I would not put my dog in a nursing home. But I may have to put my father there. The guilt is terrible heavy. But I love them more.