I have finally cut ties with my mother and brother. It has been a long time coming.

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Neither one of these people give me any respect and there are many secrets between them. If I accidently ask my brother a question about mom or her assests or preparations for her care, I get a condesending tone and nasty remark. I have no information or legal ability to do anything for my mother. My brother says, that is how she wants it, she lies to me and stirs the pot, but basically it all goes back to childhood dynamics.

What finally pushed me over the edge was a snarky remark he made to me recently. Then last weekend, he called my home and when I returned his call, I got no answer. I called several times, no answer. I called my mother to see if she was O.K. and she told me,"yes, he knew I was calling but was just too busy to answer." His life is so much more important than anyone else's. So I told mom I was tired of the way he treats me.

She got very defensive, took up for him (of course), and told me all I ever did was call and complain to her and she was sick of it. Actually, it is the other way around, except I call and she complains. I have never been so shocked at the favoritism she exhibited. It has been this way for years and years.

Friends, boyfriends and my husband have all teased me about "the prince". I can no longer subject myself to this treatment. I feel bad in a way and would love to hear from others out there who have just called it quits. How did it go over time and what was the end result. Just feeling very sad about the entire mess.

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Is that diagnosis in the DSM - "Total DooDoo Headitis?" lol.
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Very wise advice from the capt. You have really mellowed, my computer friend. Sometimes it's best to just say that it is what it is and not worry about it. We can't change the things that people do or say, but we can choose to see them as unimportant. This doesn't mean slamming doors on them or shutting out their ideas. It is really more about confidence that we are doing okay and that some of our relatives can be total doodoo heads at times.
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They have a co-dependent relationship. You can't fix it and they don't want to.
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"Cutting off" one's family should not be a first step, or a step taken lightly. Good or bad, you only get one family. As long as they are alive, you will have the option of giving them one more chance. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a long "vacation" from them.

The best way for you to find peace is within yourself. Choose the company of people who are wise and kind. Avoid people who don't bring out the best in you. Search for Emjo's comments on detachment. Learn what they teach at Al Anon meetings. Your happiness doesn't depend on your circumstances. Blah blah blah. Easy to say, hard to do. But you will never get there unless you try.

Some families, however, are best "cut off." I trust your judgment.
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im just not sure i agree with the amount of "dissassociate yourself" advice on this thread. i have two rather annoying sisters but mom is no longer around and i cant see any benefit in animosity with the sibs. i refused to let one sis get me ruffled lately and in fact apologised if i didnt manage things as well as i could have. i recieved a very civil apology back from her . you just cant walk away from everything in life that displeases you. im not terribly fond of my ex but in my heart i believe that shed care for me if i were ill or dying.
so no, i dont think alienating onesself is wise at all.
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I am going through the exact same thing and I have decided ENOUGH! IS ENOUGH! I no longer want to hear from anyone in my immediate family. I told them that I am done with their BS! and I do not want to hear from them and they will no longer hear from me and MAN IT FEELS GOOD! they are the most deceitful, insensitive bunch of phonies I have had such the displeasure of calling my family. I've moved on and I suggest that you should too. Life is too short to be hemming and hawing with family members that do not give one ioda about you.
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Dianestory, Nothing worthwhile IS easy. Keep the faith.
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am hoping to get to where you are - "ain't" easy
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Punch no you should not have accepted her behaivor and she will have to give an accounting of her life one day-you would never been able to make her happy-and realizing that is freeing-I can accept my mother and I will never have a good relatonship and I know it is not my fault-reading the commets hear about dysfunctional families has really helped-your mother is narcissic and no one will be able to change her she is not unhappy with herself-she will blame others for her misery.
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I know we are all here to support each other and that we all feel so much in our hearts for those who are experiencing extreme duress in caring 24/7 for a parent, or parents. I pray so hard for so many on this site! Some of those caretakers may be thinking "the grass is sure greener on their side, who don't have to deal with this caretaking nightmare" but coming from a dysfunctional family and living with verbal and physical abuse most of your life means we also had "dues" to pay, all our lives, and paid them forward as children. Some pay their dues in the first part of their lives, and others when they are aging adults themselves. When your parents die, and you look back and say you have a happy and clear conscience, and good and fond memories of them, and you cared for them until the day they died and did it with love, you truly are blessed. We who have had an unhappy past that ultimately ends with the disassociation with the parent have none of those memories to cherish and most probably will even have to deal with more pain after they die, wondering what we might have done differently and yes, probably even guilt, even when we are not really guilty of anything at all. I am still waiting for that callous to form over my heart, because it isn't there yet, as you probably can easily see.
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