Having trouble dealing with my parents' aging process and what it means for my future.

Started by

I have moved in with my parents "to keep them safe". I know that i will never have the relationship with my parents i never had. As they have grown older, the usual things have happened. Hearing loss, they claim is "not that bad", they can not get around as they did before, they are just slower to get from point "A" to point "B". My dad has not driven in over two years and Mom does not drive at all so everything that needs to get done outside the home, I get them there. But as they lose control over the aging process the crankier they get and the moods swings can not be properly discribed. The one thing I am aware is that I offered to help them. My other 5 siblings are not available to help out. Nor do they offer. They call my parents when they need more money. I found my only help is to journal everyday. Getting to therapy is not possible. I also work full time and my husband is there one here during the day to take care of them. I see what is happening to my parents and realized my time is coming. Also, there is a change in my Dads' memory and he is starting to use the wrong words to discribe what he wants. More frustration. I often feel overwhelmed by all of this. But my journal helps put most things into the right place. Any other suggestions Thanks


I understand how you feel, as I am also going through the same thing. Feeling overwhelmed is a warning sign that your mental health may be compromised. You need to take care of yourself first, otherwise you won't be able to offer the proper care for your parents. Since your husband is with them all day, how is he dealing with the situation?
@Lady - I totally understand you and dave pm said it right. I am in the same boat. I have tried meditation and getting away from the situation for a while. It is draining on you when you have to witness and go through this. This site is great for tips and advice that can be utilized for specific situations such as this one. I have days I am so overwhelmed it drains the life out of me. Counseling is great too and the support groups such as these here are wonderful. Exhaustion is a sign for sure and a warning sign. Hugs to you and davepm too!
LadyDi3, It's a bugger, when only ONE child steps up and takes on the responsibility of caregiver! You just never know who or what will happen in these situations. Vent here.......!!! This site helped me get my sanity back!! I still feel overwhelmed some days, but not as many now as there were before I found, Agingcare.com!! This is a lifeline to "sanity" again, that is for me. I was thinking,"It's just me going through this mess" now I know there are many......many more who share the same type of circummstances. We, will listen anytime you need!!!! Godbless you
Hi, LadyDi3! I totally sympathize with you. I do 95% of what needs to get done for my non-driving Mom, and I often feel very resentful, both of her sense of entitlement and the fact that my sisters do very little. I don't work, so everyone feels comfortable letting me do it all. I am SO tired of it. I finally got an antidepressant which has helped a lot. Some days I wish I lived far, far away. I have limited my helping Mom to two afternoons a week, but sometimes she hounds me about one thing or another, and I just do it. Plus, Mom can be super irritable, then cry about her situation. She was so dependent on my Dad, and I just can't do all that he did, nor be who he was to her. I'm not much help, am I?! I do maintain my volunteer activities and my friendships, because I value them. I think this website is a Godsend. My thoughts are with you!
Thank you, all of you. When I first starting reading this site, so many of your lives mirrors mine. I know I am doing the right thing for my parents. And I feel very fortunate to have my husband here, and willing to help when these people are not his birth family. Now that is very generous and so much more. But all of you have helped in every way. You have even helped ( with your own stories) with things I did not know about. I can not thank you enough and please know you are all a blessing to me. HUGS to everyone.!!!!!!!!
I too understand. My brother, who lives less than 5 minutes away from my parents has abandoned his family. He & his wife went on vacation and we never heard from them after that. (Yes, we know he & his wife are okay). I had to retire on disability over 7 years ago, but I do it all. I go over every day, cook, drive them around, run errands, take care of meds, etc, etc, etc. Y'all all do it too. All we can do is support each other, but it is depressing knowing I will never get to see the things I've always wanted to see or do the things I've always wanted to do because I am the "responsible" one. It also becomes very old on the days I hurt so bad I can hardly move. What is even more frightening is wondering who is going to do all of this for me when I get like my parents. What do people do who have no one? Thanks everyone for being here.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support