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My mother (when she was alive) was a person who it was 'my way or the highway'. It wasn't until after my step-dad passed away that she felt lonesome and joined the local senior citizens group--they had an elderly glee club there among other things. It might do your dad some good to be with people in his own age group. He can try it out and if it's not for him, he doesn't have to return. ...but my bets would be that he'll like it. ((((((HUGS)))))) & Good Luck.

I know this is not in his age group, but my son is very picky. When my husband got a job down in FL, he had definite thoughts and made them known that he did NOT want to leave his friends here in OH. Since he was still a minor, he had no choice but to come with us. When he enrolled in the school down there in FL, he made friends instantly. He decided he liked it. Then we had to move due to my husband's job. At least he finished his freshman year down there. For his sophomore year and still here at present time, we moved back to the same school district. We made the decision based upon my husband's mom, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (AD). She was his only live grandparent, he had lost two (2) grandparents the year before we moved and he was close to them also.

Take care, lach61
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TD:

You're probably working up the courage to tell him, but eventually you'll have to pull him to the side and have a conversation about his manners. Start with the positive things, then list the things he needs "work on" or be "aware of" before coming to visit. For starters, he HAS TO call first.

My uncle Pedro used to pop up at my door with that piggish wife of his, Nury, for their usual Sunday mooching. She had chronic halitosis and burped like a rhino; and thought there was nothing wrong with it. He ate with his hands and picked his teeth with a fork. To my wife, Southern hospitality was a must. So I suffered in silence at the dinner table. A few hours later I offered to walk them to the bus stop. They became indignant when I told them to call first before visiting. They snapped demanding RESPECT, so I asked them to spell it. ... They couldn't. Last time I caught sight of them they were mooching at my sister Ivette's. Nury wasn't stinking off the place with her breath, and Pedro was eating with a fork instead of picking his teeth with it.

People can change, if they're willing.

-- ED
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Theirdaughter, you say your Dad is kind, generous, and good. What he is doing is not good. He is thinking only of himself and his wants. I know this guy, he was my father too. They never change. Try reading as much as possible about Narcissistic Personality Disorders and see if you see a pattern. They are very difficult to deal with. My father was only interested in himself, knew no boundaries. Have your locks changed and don't answer the phone or door. He should get the point, hopefully. True he is probably bored, but that is not your problem. Gently nudge him toward some "activity" or interest. Maybe something with other elderly men. They love to talk WWll stuff. Most of all you are a good daughter, never let him make you feel you aren't. That is just more ammo for the Narcissist.
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Your dad fits the classic model of a 50s father during a time when gender roles were strictly defined. Dads went out to "hunt," Moms stayed at home and raised the families and kept the home fires burning. Now that he stopped working and is home all the time, he needs to find something to "manage"....namely, you and your life. If your mother is suffering from dementia, she is not enough of an audience for him.
If his behavior was not effecting you emotionally, I would say that you are on top of things. So, you need to use tough love. First, take away his key to your home. Second, get an answering machine and caller ID...if it is an emergency, you can screen and get right back to him. Tell him that he MUST call before he comes over, and if it is not a good time, he must respect your wishes. If he comes over unannounced, you are not obligated to answer the door.
It is a blessing that your dad is enjoying such good health at his age, but he needs to channel his energies elsewhere. He really does not care about learning more about you or making up for lost time, he just needs a captive audience....and I agree, it sounds exhausting.
Can you have friends drop in on him for a visit? Does he have a hobby or be willing to try a new one? Can he volunteer his time?
Unfortunately the true NPD parent is only interested in themselves and their needs and most of us are still trying to figure out how to deal with that.
Good luck...if you are new here, welcome..
Lilli
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