How do you cope with being the lone caregiver?

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For awhile now, I find myself taking my time cooking and "enjoying" that part of my day besides cleaning the house. But I also tire myself out by suppertime. Certainly not easy being a caregiver, I can relate to many of you. Take care of yourselves! ♡


I need to quit work in order to care for my dad who is 92. He refuses to leave his home and will not let anyone come into his home but myself or my sister to care for him. Is there any financial assistance I can receive to supplement my income?
Nanny, majority of adult children do not get paid for caring for their parent, unless the parent can pay them from their own retirement fund. If your Dad can do that, you would need to prepare an employment agreement, which will be very important in case your Dad might need Medicaid in the future.

My parents also had refused to leave their home and would not let caregivers into the house. I remember my Dad asking if I could stop my career so I would have more time to help them. I asked my Dad if he had resigned from his career so that he could take care of his parents or my Mom's parents... he said "no", and never asked me again. He understood.

Since my parents were of clear mind, also in their 90's, a therapist told me that any decisions that my parents make [such as living at home and refusing caregivers] then my parents had to take on the responsibility that comes with that decision.

Nanny, too bad you left your job, here are some things to think about if one iquit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose over the years between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary over those years... it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance coverage.... loss of money being put into Social Security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
After I get my mom back home, with the little time I have to myself, I work out to relieve the stress. After that, shower, glass of wine and Netflix. Off to sleep...
As best I can. I cry a lot. Not the best way - but flat on back from back sprain. I am sad my parents are aging and I feel afraid of them and the mood swings they have. I feel afraid to get closer to them because I --- I guess I am afraid. Of loss. Of me becoming like them and having no one to help me. I am terrified of getting older and I am well on my way.
For right now, the toughest part is having no one to talk to.

Mom cannot put words together in a manner that can be understood. She babbles all the time, and gets mad if I don't pay close attention to her babbling and understand it is my fault she cannot speak. It is just exhausting to try to work out what she is trying to say. A single sentence can take an hour of constant guessing to figure out. Then, she usually doesn't remember why she said it, or what the next sentence was supposed to be. I just cannot do it all day every day.

Just to have a conversation about anything would be great. I am just too mentally exhausted from this to have the energy to focus sharp attention to babbled nonsense.

I tell her all the time to slow way down...focus on saying one word at a time as clearly as she can. She once said if she is slow with each word, then she cannot say what she wanted because she cannot keep her train of thought that long. Cannot seem to get her to understand...if no one can understand her..then what is the point of speaking a high speed sentence? Same result...other people do not know what she is trying to say, either because it was just babble or she forgot in mid-sentence.

This problem is made worse by 1) her refusal to take seriously the speech therapy home work...and 2) constant episodes of extreme exhaustion preventing her from doing home work in speech therapy.

She seems to believe that if I cannot understand is my fault.

Just tired. Mentally shot.
A hard thing for me to cope with is that I always feel like I'm in a hurry to get things done. There are so many things that I need to do that there is no end to. These are mostly the things -- house and yard work -- that are endless in anyone's life. It is very difficult to live life for two people. Many times I just kill time, because none of the things are much fun and will just need to be done again as soon as I do them. Caring for an elder can be a lot like following Pig Pen (from Peanuts) around and cleaning up after them. It is mentally exhausting when it goes on too long. As time wears on and I see my own years trickling away, I am coping less well and resenting more. It is a bad feeling.
Katie KAte

I wonder if her frustration is misdirected because of the frustration she has in not being able to communicate with people. I can only imagine what it will be like to be of that age and everyone else is unable to understand me. I feel so damned sad when I think of my mom and dad feeling upset at their bodies betraying them. I think if they were in their former, clear minds, they would have less issues. Part of the problem is that they hear they are not communicating and should do this and that to improve it, but the logic area of the brain is not up to identifying this connection. Hence, it is hard not to feel worn out. I get it. I think our parent/s and us are worn out. I mean on both sides. I feel so incredibly sad wondering what it is like for them and scared of what it will be like for me in old age. I don't have anyone like they do. I can only hope and pray I pass before I enter into such loss of abilities. HUGS
" As time wears on and I see my own years trickling away, I am coping less well and resenting more. It is a bad feeling."

I sometimes feel like I have given up. I re read parts of "Staring at the Sun" pdf online. It is a well written book on how to face death and our fear of it. It helps me when I feel like I am passing away with my parents in caring for them. I miss my mom. I miss our times. But I also have tried to find the good in it too. A new normal I never thought I would be in the midst of...and I am sure they did not either. It's a tough thing, right? I want to embrace it rather than feel as bad as I have been lately. I am most resentful towards the lack of help from others. But I have to realize they are not as tough as I am. That I am worth something deeper. Something bigger than denial of people, places and things that keep these others too busy to help. Or care. I won't lose out in the way they will when they won't come around. It's at least one saving grace towards self soothing.

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