My sister is controlling every aspect of my mother's life and is isolating her from us.

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Her attitude is very negative and bitter about taking care of Mom and yet she refuses to let us step in and bring Mom to live with us. She has put herself on Mom's checking account and complains she needs more money to care for Mom. Mom told me that she is afraid of her. How do I go about getting Mom out of there without tipping my hand? I am afraid she will lash out at Mom if she figures out what I am about to do. I would like to administer a sound gourd thumping to her for terrorizing our mother.


Does your sister have POA?
I do not know, however, my mother is of sound mind. Her health is delicate but her mind is just fine. I believe she can change her POA as long as she is competent and she is.
After researching caregiver burnout and The Governor's Task Force on Elder Abuse, I feel I must report her to the authorities and get Mom out of there! I cannot turn a blind eye to the psychological abuse my mother is enduring. It is the right thing to do. I will begin today.
Maybe you should mind your own business
McKuen, if your mother is not happy where she is and wants to come live with you, simply go pack her things and bring her home with you. If your sister won't allow you to get her things, just get your mother and worry about her things later. If this is what you want to do, then your mother can close the accounts that have your sister's name on them and open new accounts.

Have you witnessed a lot of mistreatment? I ask this because sometimes elders complain about how wicked caregivers are, even when the caregiver has wings and a halo. It can have more to do with elder's feelings of loss and helplessness that are often turned on the caregiver. If you have witnessed abuse, by all means get your mother out of there. If it is just things you are hearing, spend more time and watch what is happening.

Are things bad between you and your sister? If they are good, maybe you could spend more time there and work out what you are going to do in the best interest of everyone involved.
My mother only told me what was going on after I witnessed a heartbreaking belittling session on my sister's part. I saw my mother cower! After doing research on the symptoms of caregiver burnout, I made the decision to contact the Sheriff's department for help in getting her out. I live 850 miles away and I am afraid my sister is going to turn on her.
Mereniel, How is my mother not my business? You sound like you agree with how my mother is being abused.
oh good for you! you do need to find out what powers if any your sister has...mine doesn't live with my mom, who has full-time caretakers there but she runs our house (where we grew up with them) like fort knox...she even has the staff monitoring me now, and commandeered a refrigerator with a note saying it's only for her and her son! they watch me every minute and i can't get an attorney in there either and the sister got dad to agree to make my inheritance in the form of a lifetime trust with her as trustee while she gets hers outright and dad promised before he died that i would have total control over mine! just trying to save myself while mom can help and mom was sick but is better now...seeing the family lawyer next week...on pins and needles and can't sleep or eat! i hate her!
Reality....I am in the same boat. For my evil sibling it is about being in control. She has to be in control. So now she has taken control of my parent, and in the past 3 months I have had 3 phone calls and 2 visits "allowed" with my mother. I have to endure tearful messages left from my mother to me. It is so disgusting. You just have to keep on digging for better for your parent. When you can no longer dig, you have to let it go. It is hard to fight evil and you have to love yourself enough to let go.

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