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I'm the sole caregiver for my 78 yr old mom. Friends & family won't deal with it. My mom→altheimers. Me→her only caregiver. I placed her in a SNF, but brought her home after 8 mo. While there she suffered a broken pelvis. Took over 81/2 wks to heal. A wk. Later, a broken wrist & found a massive bruise covering her entire forehead when I brushed her bangs back. Was never notified about the head injury. The bruising was already green & yellow. she's been home now for 6mo. Insurance doesn't civer respite care. Doesn't qualify for medicaid because she recieves $191.00 too much from ss. She can't afford to pay out of pocket. I can't work, she needs 24hr. Care & supervision. I took home healthcare classes to be certified to take care of her and I do, but don't get paid for it. The only relief I've gotten is two different times I had to go to the hospital for chest pains. Have been unable to follow up because there's no one to watch her. Everyday is an exausting struggle. Everone says i take extrodinary good care if her, but tell me I've aged ten yrs. The constant screaming & yelling has taken it's toll. This situation is destroying my marriage not to mention it's probly killing me literally. I absolutely feel like I have nowhere ir no one to turn to. I pray a lot

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It does sound like this situation is killing you.

What does your husband think you should do about this?

Ya'll need to come together as a team and address this problem not only for your mom's care and safety, but also for your well being and the salvaging of your marriage.

You are not alone, but I hope your marriage does not become one more example of collateral damage from taking care of an aging parent. The only way that I can see to help your health and save your marriage is to turn the 24/7 care of your mother to the help in a nursing home who work 8 hour shifts.
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thethered, you are going through it. You do need to get out from under this responsibility for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. How was your mother affording the SNF before she came to live with you? Is that option still available? Does you mother have other money coming in besides SS? The cap on SS is usually lower than the amount where she can qualify for Medicaid. Have you applied for Medicaid and talked about spending down each month if she is a bit over the amount allowed. I am not very knowledgeable about this. I hope others in the group who know more about it will help.

Is there a facility besides the one that she left available to her? The number of accidents you describe does make me a bit uncomfortable, especially since no one mentioned the last one.

I hope that things fall together for you. The chest pains may be from anxiety, but they could be from your heart. I am sure it is feeling the stress being put on it. You need the help of a facility, so I hope you can find a good one and a way to pay for it.
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