Congestive heart failure is an evil S.O.B.
My mom is the last stages of CHF. The nursing home called me Saturday Night my mom was having chest pain...3 nitro's later still a 9 out of 10. I told her (a new nurse) that morphine would help and she had a morphine order from the doctor. Hospice had released her again because she was stable and since they released her she has taken a turn for the worse. Imagine that ?? When I got to the nursing home Saturday night after the morphine it was a 5. I asked the nurse for another dose (she can have it ever hour) and I stayed with her until it went away and she went to sleep. Today her breathing is very ragged. I took her up front to have her oxygen changed out it was almost in the red. She said that helped. Her lunch arrived when I got her back to her room and she was still so out of breath eating was difficult. I asked them to check her oxygen level it was 94.....just eating was wearing her out and me too cause I caught myself trying to breath for her. I even wondered if maybe she had a heart attack Saturday Night since she was so much worse today. I don't want to watch this I don't want her to just drown in all that stuff in her lungs. She does not seem to be too anxious, but I sure am. I feel like I am losing my mind. The staff told me to stop coming everyday, take a break, but when I don't go I am just fixated on her.example being I am at work right now typing this and that is after goggling CHF and reading the same thing over and over again. The head nurse and I are really close at the nursing home and she assures me they have it under control and are watching her ..I cannot get away from it and I think I am losing my mind. I take Effexor and have for a few years for anxiety and 1/2 mil of Xanax for those completely out of control moments which just seem to come more frequently. I am fixer and I feel just helpless. I have talked to hospice social workers, nurses...See I know no one but the good Lord has the answer and I ain't getting it..I asked today if she should be in bed, but the nurse they would like her to stay up as long as she isn't anxious and she isn't. The breathing and the coughing are just so hard to watch. I want to know how the story ends..I want to know what I am going to witness before the end. I don't want her to her to struggle. I am a 59 years old shouldn't I be able to handle this better ? I have always thought I was strong now I am not so sure. Also, still waiting on results from my MIL's MRI and CT for her rectal cancer. I know it sounds like a pity party, but it is actually a I am losing my mind party. Rant over and out... ;-)