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My mother passed away May 2012 and I am the executor of her will. She has been associated with her exhusband for the past year. The reason he was an ex, is because of the greediness of his children, and his sneakiness. After her passing, he and his children have refused to furnish me with her bank statements or any of her bills. Now, after receiving her bank statement, I know why. My mother kept twenty thousand dollars in a CD in her bank, along with about twenty thousand in her checking account. For the past two years she had been suffering with dementia, anxiety, and paranoia and was mentally not of sound mind and body. Due to this, her companion was able to tap into all her accounts, and all her money is gone except the amount after freezing her accounts after her passing. His name is on her accounts and he drained all the money out of the accounts, leaving about seven thousand combined in her accounts. I am waiting on a court date to receive the letter of testimony, because I was taken off her accounts to add him. I am in probate court to settle her estate, but not sure if there is anything that can be done about the money he has stolen from her. He did not come to her service and has disconnected his phone, breaking all contact. He and his children went through all my mothers precious valuables, and some of her things are still at his home. What can I do to retrieve the money she meant to bury her? He has borrowed money from her before this, $2,000., and since her mond was not right, my husband and I made a visit to her bank to retrieve copy of check she wrote for his downpayment on his car. The check had been written at least two months before the date, and he conveniently had forgotten to pay her back. Help.......

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going through a similar situation. Mom passed in 1999. The new lady in his life talked dad into selling his home and buying a new expensive home, then having her added to the title. now dad is in ICU and unable to make decisions for himself. He told me that I was named executor of his estate 9 years ago, however, he never gave me the paperwork. His girlfriend is more concerned about her financial future than she is about dad. Dad has a diagnosis of mild dementia. He's making double house payments to ensure the house is paid for. What do I do?
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Mothers bank allowed him to take out seven thousand dollars on the day after her passing. This was after I called the bank that morning, and told them that she had passed and to freeze all her accounts. On top of that, he was out shopping with his son for some kind of ATV the day after mother passed! My attorney called the bank the next day to make sure the accounts were frozen. It was already to late, the damage had been done. It is not the money, it is the disrespect he has shown. Yes, this was my inheritance, but it was also money that she had put back for many years, and was to pay for funeral and bills. Now, it is mostly gone, and will go to his kids. They were divorced for a reason. He drew around 1,700 per month in SS and disability, and mother only drew 950 per month, but he made her pay for everything. She was always telling me how he was taking advantage of her, and I constantly told her to make him pay his own way. But, if I had said anything to him, she would have held it against me. What to do?
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I am fairly sure she was diagnosed with dementia before adding his name on her accounts. Mother would not agree to add me as her POA, and then took my name off her accounts. Then, after mental warrant, she added his name. I have an attorney for the probate of the will, but he says if we need to go after him for her money or rest of her things, it will cost more money. I do not understand why her bank called ADPS on me, when I was just trying to make right a wrong that was done over money I borrowed to pay house payment, that she is one third owner of. She gave me a check to pay for BR attorney, then since the hand writing was different, the bank called her, and she said not to pay it. Then I went to her bank and explained what had happened, and they called her to come make it right. After that, they called ADPS. ADPS called me and I explained how mother was suffering from dementia, then they dropped the case. Why did the bank let him take advantage of my mother? Why not call ADPS on him? Mother was very mean to alot of our family and I tried to control her from sueing everybody. But, he was constantly taking her to file suet on them, and I told him not to let her do this. He was so "IN LOVE" with her, that he said he had to back her all the way to do these bad things. All he was doing was sympathizing with her in order to get into her pocket book. He was working on gaining her confidence for at least three years, and eventually succeeded. We moved into our home in 2001, and she got mad at me in 2010 and moved into the rent house. All the time she was living here, she had all her money safe in her accounts, then he started working at getting all her money, and took all but Sixty Eight hundred out of Fifty Thousand. A little longer, and he would have had all of it. I am so angry at him! Sneaky, greedy old man, and his kids are the same. He let his daughter come into the rent house and take my mothers silverware set, that had been in my family all my life. I will get that back, because all they want it for, is the seven hundred dollars that it is worth to replace. They left the detachable legs, but took the chest and silverware. They know this does not belong to them. I do not want the seven hundred dollars, I want the family heirloom to pass on down to my grandchildren. I am not greedy, nor would I ever take advantage of my mother in her condition. Yes, mother said a lot of hurtful things, but she was not saying those things, it was dementia saying them. I love my mother, and I always will. My family has been through enough bad times. My brother died in 1978, my father in 1982, my sister in 2001, and now my mother. I am the only one left to carry on any kind of estate. I fulfilled three promises to my mother; I did not die before her, I did not put her into a nursing home, and I did not let her live like a veggie. These were her wishes and I feel blessed by fulfilling the promises. When it came down to the last few minutes of her life, I WAS THERE, he could not stay in the hospital room, and went down to stay in his van. That is how much he loved her! He stayed every day in the only hospital chair and slept, while I had to sleep on the hard floor to be with my mother. His comment was "Look how much money I am saving on gas going back and forth." Well, he had her money, and she did not know he had it. I prayed every day for my mother after she moved with him. When the pastor of the hospital came into say a prayer for mother, he made jokes. How disrespectful! I bought a pretty angel to leave in the hospital room, and he took it, too. And, to miss her funeral service? OMG what an "A......S"
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I went through something similar and never expected my mother to outlive her exploitative (younger) boyfriend, so I asked an attorney years ago how I was to get her possessions and paperwork out of his home if she were to die first. He told me that a judge would issue an order allowing me access to the home with police presence (to ensure that the order was obeyed and that I was not attacked).

Was there ever an official diagnosis of dementia? Were you ever given power of attorney? I assume you are the executrix of her will. If this is the case, close her accounts immediately.

If she added him onto her account, then I'm afraid there is nothing you can do about the money taken out. My mother never added her bf to her account but allowed him to bully her into paying lot rent, food, and utilities, and also made her sign IOU's when he "lent" her money after hers ran out before the end of the month. So when she threatened to leave, he told her that she could not move out until she had paid back all of the IOU's or he would take her to court. None of this was true, but she refused to believe me or anyone else, and she stayed until he died. I called Adult Protection Services twice, including once after the manager of her bank branch agreed to help me, but since my mother denied any of it, nothing was ever done.

If you can prove that she added him to her accounts after she was diagnosed with dementia, you might be able to sue the companion. Ask a lawyer about this, of course. However, at the very least, get her possessions out of his home and close all of her accounts. Hopefully there will be enough money left to pay funeral expenses. I'm so sorry that there are such disgusting people in the world who exploit those who are weaker. But if your mother was dead set on making bad decisions for so long, do not blame yourself.
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Sj, so sad. Going thru something similiar with my mom but she is still living & now living w us. I am shocked by the sliminess of her husband, and the conflicting advise I get from attorneys, both here n in her previous state of residence. I'm sorry u have so much to deal with. Just do the best you can. As w me, sure u had no way of knowing the extent of problems-don' t blame ur self for his behaviors, it's easy to do, but is not our fault. Hugs and prayers. Come back often. Kim
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I have not called police, yet. My attorney has told me I can access his home, with sheriffs presence, but I really hate to have to do this. Although, I know some of mother's things are in his home, His son lives on the property and I would rather they return the items out of good faith. He is 84 and my mother was 85, so I run the risk of having them call adult protective services on me. This whole thing is unbelievable. I knew he was sneaky, but I did not know or think he would go this far. Mother knew how he was, but she allowed him to get to her in her time of sickness. My court date is the 29th of this month, and my attorney says I have no right to demand what was hers, until I am sworn in by the courts. So, I have taken care of her cremation, service, and am now trying to mourn.
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Did you call the police? I'm not sure what they can do, but this is terrible.
We ended up having all of my mother-in-law's mail go to her daughter to protect her from getting into further financial trouble. Or at least head it off. I am sorry that this has happened to you, how heartbreaking to lose your mom and now this...
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At this point, you need to consult a lawyer for the best advice. It is difficult enough to lose your mother, and now this - my heart goes out to you.
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