Coming to terms with the truth.

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You need the courage to face the inevitable


As I responded to another post, I am living with my demented Mother and step-father and for the past 7 months have been living in Hell. I was recently diagnosed with severe stress and placed on valium 5 mg 3 times per day as needed. My Doc is worried I may have a heart attack from the stres. So far I have only had to take 3 on one day - most days I take one every morning and I have to admit it has helped tremendously. My Mom's dementia and paranois is progressing and I have finally come to terms with the fact that nothing can be done. Especially since she continues to deny anything is wrong with her. Among all the other weird things she does, she has taken to hiding her purse at night in my room because "they are taking things out of my purse while I'm asleep". This has been going on for about two weeks. So, last night I decided to take a look at what she so desperately is protecting. I found old song lyrics from church, old receipts from 40 years ago and the papers she says they are trying to take ended up being my 57 yr old step brothers grade school report cards. She tells my step brother she is protecting his "important papers". Also a small baggie with three old fashion costume jewelry pins that are worthless. That's all she has in there, along with her checkbook. I don't know where she is hiding her wallet but I can only imagine. Yesterday when I was looking for a hammer to hang a picture, and having no luck, she brought me one she has been hiding in her dresser drawer!!??? WTH??? My biggest concer remains her finances. I looked at her check register and since 11/2/2012 she has sent my useless step brother $1,500.00 and given his equally useless son over $400.00. I don't begrudge the help but I am angry because they both are aware of her mental status and I feel they are using this to their advantage. I dont know how much longer I can keep her in her home and believe that by Summer's end she will have to be put in an alzhiemer's home. She will fight tooth and nail but it is inevitable. My step father, who is 4 years younger, aphasic from a stroke and does have a much better mind, will unfortunately have to be placed in a VA facility. There are no other options as my "family" refuses to believe just how serious the situation is because they don't want to deal with it. Therefore, sometimes we need to face the reality and come to terms with what has to be. The bottom line is our parents safety, nutrition and cleanliness and sometimes we at home are just not physically and emotionally capable of providing these things on a daily basis with someone who continues to decline. We can't beat ourselves up over it either. It is what it is.
Very well stated, Penny. I am sorry that your step father will also be affected by this. Would he not be able to live independently, or did the stroke cause too much damage?

Sometimes I do not know how we go through the things that we do. Few people know how bad it can really be, because we don't complain publicly and our elders can hide problems so well. I have one friend who is unable to care for her mother with Alzheimer's. The mother does very well in an assisted living community, and my friend visits her every week. They go to lunch and other places together. So they have a good mother-daughter relationship without my friend being the caregiver. It sounds ideal to me.

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