Coming to terms with moving Dad out.
My 84 y/o dad has been here for almost 3 years since my mom died. He was in bad shape, not taking care of himself etc because my mom was so ill. We moved him in immediately after her death in the midst of our grief and really believed we were doing the right thing. WRONG. We had no idea he would still be alive 3 years later, we essentially brought him back to life. Well now we have all had enough and his presence is taking a toll on all of us. My husband has the patience of a saint and is at the end of his rope. It's time to put my husband first. Do I have the right to move my dad out if I was the one who invited him in the first place? I have one brother who does the absolute minimum. He takes him about one or two nights a month( this is recent). His wife does not want him there. My father is completely lazy and is capable of doing a lot but just doesn't. My mom waited on him hand and foot and he just expects me to do it now. He basically sits in our family room and reads with the tv on all day long. He starts at 8 and sits there all day and night. No one else uses the tv and we are all in our rooms while he has the whole downstairs.,we have finally asked him to go into his room (flat screen, bed and recliner). He goes but we always have to ask, so tired of that. He does absolutely nothing to help out. Won't even get the mail. This is the biggest mistake of my entire life. I want it to end. He has no acute health issues so this can go on for years. We were fools for not setting rules, an exit strategy or anything. I have been whining about this for so long now. If my brother took him more often it would be better but he won't. So, do I have the right to move him into a senior apartment? He has the money. I know he will be very hurt but I feel I need to put my husband first. Enormous guilt. I am in my bedroom again and don't want to go downstairs because he is there. Reading it out loud sounds so petty but it isn't. When I was a kid it was just the way it was. Now as an adult I see his complete laziness and selfishness. He feels very entitled because I am the daughter.