How about a 'comedy' thread!... anything goes!

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... thinking of some kind of 'comedy' we should share on this sight... even if it's a comedy of errors... (to lighten our load)... Anyone have some good ones to share?... (Captain?)

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my favorite dirty joke requires an hour of hard work to write. maybe a simpler one would get us by. a drunk staggers home one night and falls into bed wheras in spite of his inebriation his wife asks him if hed like to get it on. his reply wasnt going to be an asset to him in the long run but he said he might as well cause he was going to catch h*** when he got home anyway.
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i saw a cartoon one time of two couples ordering dinner in a high end resteraunt. one customer said " ill have the huge wad of coronary causing beef stuffed into your aorta till your heart stopas plate " . all the others agreed than mmm - mm, sounds great, me too . lol.
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Here's my attempt... Hope it gives some a chuckle...

Hard of Hearing
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."
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Mom has been really been "dishing" it out to me. We have a local sandwich shop that sometimes will name and create a special sandwich for someone. I suggested this:
the menu sandwich should be/read "Bite Me Bliss" Roasted Red & Green Peppers, Slices of Sweet Onion, Big Mouth Bites of Virginia Baked Ham and 6 Extra Crisp Slices of Bacon on a Toasted Hard Roll seasoned with a splash of Italian Dressing. Sooo good, but not for the "Faint of Heart"!

Her favorite foods & her last name is Bliss! And I can't even count how many times I have thought while having it dished out to me, "Bite Me"!!!!!!
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" anything goes " right, tell the moderators that..
we'll try.
A lady visits her doc and says that her hubby is having rage issues. every evening he gets madder and madder until hes beginning to scare her. doc advised her to try taking a sip of water when he gets bent and gently swishing it back and forth in her mouth until he calms down. in a month the lady told the doc that the results were unbelievable and shed like an explanation. doc told her that while she was swishing the water back and forth in her mouth , her mouth was in a closed position. lol. thats the closest ill come to a sexist joke because i dont believe in one gender being superior to the other.. funny, nonetheless..
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