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My parents at home and my brother does a lot of care but I drive, handle other affairs, but dad is so mean/horrible to all that no one can stand it.

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Dear whinnydog,

Sorry to hear what you've been going through. I know its a lot taking care of two elderly parents. Its overwhelming. And sometimes we don't even know where to get help or what help we really need. Have you considered talking to a counselor, joining a support group or a social worker? Hopefully you can access some community resources to help you care for your parents. Maybe try to arrange for some respite care for yourself or your brother. Its never easy. And it can feel like you are only getting deeper and deeper. I hope you can get some help and try to find the right balance for yourself and your parents.
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Your profile says you mom has dementia, but, your father is angry that she's not cooking for him. I would wonder why he would be upset with a person who has dementia, as they are ill and should not be relied upon to serve others. They should be cared for.

Is your father fully functioning? Your profile says that he's not taking his meds. I'm not sure how you can ensure that happens, but, I would be concerned about the proper care of your mom, since she has dementia. If dad is not willing and able to do that, I might discuss it with mom's doctor and or a social worker.
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Your profile says that dad is depressed. Is his depression being treated by a specialist? Perhaps getting him to a geriatric psychiatrist or a behavioral neurologist would be a first step in getting a good treatment plan going.

Let us know how it's going!
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