Cohabiting with elderly parent/parents.

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Adult children should really consider the ramifications of moving their elderly parent/s in with them and vice versa. I have read more serious problems with this dilemna, on this site, then good. Some people are just not cut out to be a caregiver to their elderly parents for so many different reasons. For those who can, I applaud them. For those who can't, don't feel guilty and accept your limitations. I contemplated taking in my mother at some future date after my stepfather died. Over the course of the year, I realize that it would not be good for either one of us. I have made it known to my mother that her future care will not be dependent on me and to start considering other options. Hopefully she will start making decisions before they will be made for her. She does have other options both financially and offers made by other family members. Her expectation of it being just me is unfair and inconsiderate when she has other choices. I know I am just not the caregiver type and do not feel guilty. If ohers see me as selfish and uncaring so be it.


I applaud you for recognizing what you can and cannot do! You can still be involved as your Mom's advocate in whatever arrangements she makes.

I am her executor, DPOA, healthcare proxy and joint bank account holder, but only because she asked me to after my stepfather died. In hindsight I would have agreed as the alternate like my sister is instead of being the primary.
I applaud you for making that decision before it was too late. I moved my family (husband and 3 young kids) in with my mom (into the house I grew up in)because she has bad knees and doesn't need to be living alone. Well, I regret that decision. She has become so mean and treats us like we are idiots. She treats my husband awful; often making fun of things he says or do. About 2 months ago, she fell and broke her arm and knee cap. She has been in a rehab facility. Even though it is difficult going back and forth to the rehab facility (taking her meals and clean clothes), I have thoroughly enjoyed not having her at home. We are able to relax more and be a family. Of course, I feel guilt for feeling that way! She is to come home in 2 weeks and I'm dreading it. I've already decided that if she continues to treat my husband the same way that I'm going to let her know (have already had 1 fight with her about it). It hurts me more than it does him. I wish I had insisted that she sell the house and move into assisted living. Like they say hindsight is 20/20!!
Kudos for accepting that reality. Quality of life is important. While I live with my Mom to care for her, I could not imagine my other sibling living harmoniously with my Mom. It would not be worth the day to day struggle. Have faith that you were smart and honest enough to make that decision. It's a brave one.

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