Christmas day.

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Yes, at 1 a.m. it's now Christmas Day. All I remember about last Christmas is getting a phone call at midnight on Christmas eve from the NH that my mother had fallen, cut her finger and was at the nearby ER getting a couple of stitches.

I visited her the next day and got a blast because I didn't run to hold her hand ... um, it was midnight, I live in the middle of nowhere and there were 3 or 4' snow drifts. I could expect no more as she'd been the mother from h*ll my whole life. When you grow up with it and friends and family are kept away, that's all you know.

She passed in September and I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that she'd probably been mentally ill life long. The hatred and bitterness is subsiding such that I can only feel sorry for her, a life wasted.

I just wanted to drop in here on Christmas Day. So many of you are going through so very much that "Merry Christmas" just doesn't cut it. Wherever you are I wish you peace this day and hope for better times in the year ahead. Dog Bless you all ... and that's not a typo! :)


Ha ha Ash, it's been a long time since I've had any "dog love", or "kitty love" either, but I appreciate the sentiment!
I'm glad you are beginning to find some peace with your relationship with your mother. When I read your posts (and some others here as well) I always felt bad for her and you, both entangled in the bitterness of such a wasted live. My Christmas wish for you, sleep now in heavenly peace :)
Blessed be to all of the caregivers. Listening to my old Pyrenees mix girl snore and chase squirrels in her sleep. Take care of you!
Good for you Ash. Sounds like you're well on your way to moving forward. I am convinced that humans (caregivers especially) are much stronger than we think we are. Wishing you peace and happiness.
Hi Ashlynne. You're a faster healer than I was to quickly recognize her mental instability - which in turn is helping you to feel sorry for her. Thanks for updating us. {{hugs}}
Hello Ashlynne, I'm sending you thoughts of love and peace on this Christmas morning. It sounds like you're beginning to recover from the stress your mom's chaotic life placed on you. Peace and comfort to you and all of the rest of us caregivers out here in the year to come.
Heard about the dyslexic agnostic? He wasn't sure there really is a Dog.......

Happy holidays everyone!
Happy Holidays to all!!
Merry Christmas, Ashlynne. It's funny that I don't really know you but since coming to this site I think about you frequently. You have been so open regarding your life with your mother that I identify with you - seems our moms may have been twins separated at birth. I too am open here regarding my - sheez- I can't even find a word that describes my relationship with my mom. Hostile? Dysfunctional? Adversarial? Complicated? Anyhow - here I can vent, rage and purge all the hate I feel without worrying too much about judgement - and that here people also know that in spite of all that - that I am still capable of feeling some love for her. You seem to get it and are an example of it. In a few hours I've have to go see mom - take her gift. I'm dreading it. Which mom do you suspose I'll find. The martyr is my guess. So old, so sick, all alone and abandoned. I'm sure there will be a helping of guilt thrown in and most likely anger will poke thru. Last night I said to hubby "how much do you want to bet that there will be some crisis tomorrow? Probably as we sit down for Christmas dinner? Will it be a fall? A trip to the ER"? I hate that especially on this day of all days I can't scrap together any compassion for her - but that well is dry. She used and misused all I had. I long for a Christmas I can spend entirely of my choosing. Ashlynne - I remeber how you said you would be spending today - hunkered down with your furry babies, eating what you want and watching movies. I'm envious but wish you a wonderful day filled with peace of mind and soul. Movies have been my hiding place since childhood. I had a tiny black/white TV in my bedroom as a child. When my parents would go at it I would turn it on, find an old movie and escape. Saturday's and Sunday's were the best - this was in the day when there were only five channels to chose from but one station showed what was called "Hollywoods Best" - four old movies in a row! But for today I will end with a movie quote from a fairly recent movie - French Kiss with Meg Ryan "Eveyone loves their mothers - even people who hate their mother, love their mother". Merry Christmas and Dog love you, too!
It's wonderful to hear from you all. I slept in and it's been a pleasant day. Wood stove going and I've cooked a turkey and all the trimmings. As far as movies are concerned last evening there was only miracle on 34th street and scrooge, both before my time, but I did find a couple of movies showing dysfunctional family christmases (which is often a reality) and they were really funny.

The four cats, Charlie, Pixie, Katie & Lucy, are all asleep and the dogs, Sue and Ashy, are snoozing too but with one ear open for a piece of turkey :) I'm going to stoke the fire, put my feet up for a while with a glass of hooch and be so terribly thankful for a quiet and peaceful Christmas.

Dog Bless you all ... wags and slobbery kisses lol
And my thoughts today keep going back to those in NHs or ALFs. The staff in my late mother's NH did everything possible to make Christmas for the residents. Most have dementia or alz. I was in and out of there 3 times a week for three years and I know many had no visitors. Though their minds are gone do they in flash backs remember past Christmases, family gatherings, children and grandchildren, times before dementia/alz? My heart hurts for them today.

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