Caregiver challenges by narcissistic elderly mom.
Well, I have been taking mom's verbal abuse my whole life..She's still at it..I want to move out but can't afford it..I am 60 and still feel like a child (that's the way she treats me but she's nice to everyone else..)she is 85 and works part time! (To avoid boredom and to get away from me she says..Dad left her well off..She doesn't have to work..) I do everything for her but she always finds fault and says I don't do anything or it's not good enough..If she has a situation, she'll complain about it and act as if she needs advice and I'll make suggestions and she'll yell at me and tell me not to tell her what to do.!!..If I straighten out her room for her she yells at me not to and to "leave her things alone!!" But if I don't straighten her room out she will yell and say " you're home all day and you can't even Make my bed!! When I'm out there trying to make a buck!" (In the meantime, I manage her meds, shes a diabetic on insulin, and several other meds, Dr appts, insurance issues, pay the bills, grocery shop, laundry, wash the floors, vacuum, etc.) Plus I have nursed her through a ton of surgeries through the last 8 years, dad's death, I took care of him too, and yes she does let me use her car (she has two) to do errands or when I work.. and says I need to work but when I do work, something always happens either I get bullied (passive aggressively by other nurses) .I never can make enough money to keep me from moving back home with her...So, here I am...I'm trying to regain my health after a bout with thyroid issues for a few months..Lost a lot of weight went down to 86 pounds, now back up to 96 pounds and waiting to gain more back before I go back..Yet ...she's always yelling at me if something doesn't go right in her life..She also said numerous times how she can't stand me, that I'm always around, let somebody else support me, etc, and then she'll send me out to the store...(Plus she closet drinks...) I confronted her and she says she can have a drink in her own house if she wants to and no one better tell her any different!!. Never gets drunk though,..Just gets sleepy and goes to bed early..She spends a lot of her off time watching cowboy movies, and sometimes the TV is so loud that I feel like I'm on a shooting range- complete with the sound of horse's hooves pounding the prairie!..right in the living room!! Next, there's the cattle drive..and the screams of cowboys and Indians fighting...Sometimes I wonder if all that violence stays in her head and affects her....Seriously, I almost bought her a pair of cowboy boots for Christmas, but didn't have enough money...She was diagnosed by two neurologists 8 years ago with dementia of the Alzheimer's type, (her sister developed it after being hit on the head or so the doctor said..She passed on in 1980). but mom doesn't handle changes well at all, only once she got lost driving, double dresses, can't remember the phone number sometimes, but the thing that bothers me is that she still yells at me and treats me like a child. I have relatives my age and she's nice as pie to them..She did admit right on Christmas Eve, "I know I yell at you.." I said to her, "well, do I at least get an 'I'm sorry' "? She said nothing...It's been going on my whole life..It's like she has to abuse me because she's got narcissistic personality disorder ..and younger sister is her favorite...I'm glad I found this site. Any one else going through this? My sister sides with her and says I spend all her money when in reality mom gave sis 17,000.00 as sis husband died and didn't leave her with anything..Go figure...But I wasn't supposed to know about it...Thanks for reading..Any thoughts would indeed be appreciated..