I am 50 yrs.old and have been married for 34 yrs. My mother has lived with my husband and I for 9 yrs. It has taken a toll on our marriage.

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I have found that I have fallen out of love with my husband. He has never supported anything that I have done or stood up for me ever. I am only here because my mother absolutely loves him. Should I stay because of that or for once in my life make myself happy. It would totally devastate her. My sister does not help at all. I just don't know if there is a right answer,I am not happy.

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It is easy to get depressed, angry, tired, overwhelmed and want to just give up.
Do you have other options for your Mom to go like a nursing home, assisted living or to your sister's?
You and your husband have to find time to be together. You have to be able to talk and be heard.
Marriage is not easy I understand we have my motherinlaw and she has lived with us 11 years of our 131/2 year marriage..... and this past year has been filled with health issues and challenges with her.
Do you believe in God? Pray and talk to him first. Ask Him what to do and for HIm to show you. Tell Him how tired you are and angry.
Can your husband take care of your Mom for a couple of days so you go off for a few days alone to think, rest and regroup?
Do you have any girlfriends that you could go to a movie with and just have a few hours out and away from the stress?
I know what it is like to be unhappy in a marriage and feel so alone. Please think leaving him through, go to marriage counseling, find a support group, find a daycare for your Mom to go that is what we did two days a week and I am glad she gets out and I can do some of the things I need and want to do.
Thirty four years is along time to just give up on...... tell your husband what you need from him. Let him know how you feel. Use the I statements he may still not listen but at least you are expressing yourself and letting some of the pent up anger out...do it nicely and calmly.
Pray first.....that helps.....
My heart is with you..... I pray you find the peace that you want and need.
We all have limits and when you have reached yours you will know.
Please take care.
Frustrated2012
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People talk about falling in and out of love... love is not just a feeling or emotion. It is a commitment. It takes a LOT of work. Give it a chance. Don't give up on your marriage because you aren't connecting now. It can change. I have been single for 15 years, it isn't all it is cracked up to be either....
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Caring for an elder is stressful. Add to that everyday life. Marriage counseling may help, but I don't recommend staying in any situation that's abusive (verbal or otherwise). If your husband is just unsupportive and wants to change, go for counseling. Learn new ways to communicate with him. He may not know he's been a difficult person to live with. At his core if he's a good person, he can change. You married him for some reason. Try to find that spark again, get help, and best of luck to you!
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Tucker1 - hang in there. Pray for guidance. Stress and Depression seem to be my constant companion lately. I know it seems our spouses never really care about us when times like this arise but I'm sure they really do. Reach out to them - maybe they feel bad too. I know I've watched a movie "Fireproof" that sometimes help me to put a different perspective on my relationship with my husband. Keep your chin up. We're here to listen.! :)
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Thanks for sharing. I know I don't feel alone all the time but I do feel frustrated because of the promise he had. He's trying to be more supportive like helping with the chores but with her strict diet needs he doesn't know how to help much. I've prepared ahead of time what I can. I've even created a schedule of what to feed her for each meal and what necessary snacks she needs. It helps so he can help sometimes. I just miss the "US" we had. I'm sure that is everyone's situation as well.
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Had a chuckle when I read Only1 comment. I too told my sister that I did not know how much more I could take. She had her house up on the market and an assisted living ready for her in like a week. She was so afraid that Mom would end up with her in her big house. I just let her do her thing because I knew that my Mother would not go without a fight. As soon as her house was on the market my Mother called the real estate agent and told her to "put all this on hold." Long story short - at least I got a little more respite from my sister. Not much but she is trying to make more of an effort to give me some time. I just laugh at the panic in my sibs when I talk of taking my life back and moving out of my Mothers house. Now they need to start paying me!!
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I beleive a Mother give;s birth to her child and sacrafic everything for that child no matter what and I think when a Mother gets old and needs help their child should sacrafic everything for them. I am her 6th child and the only one that takes care of her, no help from my Brother's. My Husband does everything for my Mother in helping with repairs around the house and car. My Husband is very supportive of me not putting my Mother in a place because her wishes are to die at home. we have been married 15yrs and very happy. you only have 1 Mother and if your Husband don't understand and respect that then I think no matter how much you love him, I would tell him to go. My Mom and Children are more important to me then anyone on earth. just thought I would say how I feel . Good luck
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Was the marriage in danger prior to your Mom moving in? Maybe you need to make that assesment first.The mutual caregivijng may have been the only glue that kept it together. If you decide that separating is the best thing, Mom may surprise you and be supportive.
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Dear one all I can say is please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel........I have watched our marraige go up and down like a roller coaster. In our case it has been my husband being so strong emotionally through this living "hell". Had it not been for his constant "grounding" of me, this would have over a long time ago. Through 3 now deceased parents, one sister, and finally my mother with her Dementia and Alzheimers issues,vived. We WILL get through this. We will pull out all stops through SUPPORT GROUPS who LISTEN with compassion. Please hang in there....you will survive!
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SadQueen7 - Your not alone. It is admirable that your husband made the promise he did. He must be a very caring man. Stay strong. This time in your life will not be forever.
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