Caring for my mom is like having a 10 year old child, please advise.
Here's the sad story, caution be preparred for major run on sentences and misspellings. in 2004 my step father died, who Mom cared for more than me, ever. (trust me on this she did) My mother went through depression and stopped caring about living, she wanted to die and be with him... Still does today. My mother is young, 63, she has an amputated left foot just below the knee, from not taking care of her diabetes.while depressed. She was in a nursing home for months after this for rehab of her mobility. Since then she became addicted to Oxycontin. She was released from the first nursing home, lived alone (except for the stragglers she let stay there and take advantage of her over the years.) Last year she had a mild stroke. She again went into a nursing home, rehab and release. The past year she has been "loosing it" people have told me. At this point I live in PA, she lives in NJ. In April, the whole family got together for a wedding and she had a 2nd stroke there. NH, again. During this time, I realized I had to do something, I got POA for everything, moved home to NJ with my soon to be wife, the greatest woman I have ever met. We made the house all nice and tidy, took control and she came home a few months later. Now, our lives are harder for sure than they ever were. She can barely walk, but she feels the need to make us dinner, when we have dinner planned for her already, shes eating anything and everything she can, not on the nutrition list. Her hygiene is horrible, shes rude and ignorant to the fact that we are trying to help her. We are at our wits end. Fighting with her, fighting with each other. Her medical bills are through the roof, We pay for the house and all the bills, but my mom thinks that there may be a lean on the house from her amputation. So I am afraid to put it in my name, to save it from Medicaid. Her debt is astronomical, her dementia is getting worse by the day and I feel like because she has made some many bad decisions in the past, our future options are out the door. I can see a NH taking her, but I can't seem to do this anymore. I am the only child, there is noone else who will possibly do this. It's getting harder and harder to have to maintain her life, when my girlfriend and I have barely started our own together. I want to marry her and have a baby and get a house of our own, but I am not going to be able to do that if my mother's hygiene is causing an unsanitary environment. or she is wasting food that we have portioned out for the week. I bought a roast to last us all week and she ate the whole thing in 2 days. she has nothing to do all day, She cooks, but then has no energy to clean up, I told her "don't cook! i'm afraid youre gonna forget to turn something off and burn the house down" Shes wasting food, wasting money and it's driving me mad. Every man she has ever been with has resorted to drinking, and now that I am older, I understand why! I was on my way to living a sucessful career and got out of this crappy town she decided to raise me in. Now 10 years later, I'm stuck back here again. Sometimes I wonder why I am even doing this, she was not a good mother, but I am all she has left. People have told me that I shouldnt let that be an excuse, if she doesn't deserve the help, dont give it to her. I would feel horrible doing that. I don't know what to do. Her forgetfulness is driving me nuts, I just had a conversation with her yesterday about wasting food and not making us dinner (we will do it) and I come home from work today and she did the same exact thing. now I have a 20 pound roast and 2 pounds of spaghetti with 25 meatballs, that is all going to go to waste if we don't eat it fast enough. I don't like to live like this, its excessive, filthy and wasteful. I like to run a tight ship on my life. after reading this you people are probably going to think "seriously, this guy thinks he has problems.. riiiight." but trust me, im ready to pull my hair out. Did i mention that we had nursing coming in to help, and she kicked them out? they wont even come back now. I'm about to say screw it, move out and just let her fend for herself with her SS money... but that would be wrong and I can't so that. So now what, other than just "deal with it" it's like having a 10 year old child.''
im also considering just putting her in a NH and moving on, just visiting her once a week and letting whatever hapens to the house just happen, but i have no idea how to do that or if she will be able to be in the NH after her "house money" has all been used up by the NH. I dont want to see her homeless or not taken care of.
my mom is still messing up my life at 32 years old.
aka a horrible writer.