Caring for my Mom who has mantle cell lymphoma and dementia is killing me!

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My mother is 88 and I'm her 71 year old daughter! My parents were married 71 years when he passed away over 2 years ago! I'm an only child as my brother died at 19! I've been doing their grocery shopping for at least 4 years. I've hired caregivers for 4 years. Thankful they had a good savings because her money is running out!
Mom was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma over 3 years ago. She refuses to leave her home but is afraid to stay alone at night. She's never stayed a night by herself in her entire life. Therefore, a caregiver stays. My husband is diabetic with many health issues and I have back problems!
My mother has some dementia, lymphoma and a fall risk. I'm totally exhausted and considered an assisted for mom but she refuses to go. Also, if she lives much longer her finances are low. She's contrary and unappreciative! I sometimes just want to run away. I retired 11 years ago and never imagined my retirement being like this.
Mom is under hospice care and I'm very thankful for their help!


Hang in there, Wiska! If Mom is now on hospice care it is likely caring for her will be over soon.
Thanks jennegibbs! She's still doing well! The hard part is her stubbornness!
If you live in the US, she (which means you) can apply for Medicaid and other support programs in the state where she lives.

Dementia is a curse on humanity. It's a bigger curse on the caregivers than the patient I think.

Hospice care may mean the end is coming, or it may not. It might mean there just isn't any point in trying to make anything better. Just comfortable.

As far as Assisted living goes, people still have to do a lot of things for themselves in assisted living. It might not be the right option. You can't need 24/7 supervision in assisted living. Certain cognitive scores mean constant supervision is required, so those folks go to a different unit: Skilled nursing/care center/memory care units.

Stay in close contact with your hospice workers and what they think. They probably have seen this before and can tell you what to look for next.

You are in the right place to vent and ask questions.
I have been caring for my mother for 5 years now. She has the onset of dementia and is handicapped. Can not bath prepare her own meals or stand for long periods of time.  My life has stopped. I have caregivers for her during the day as I still have to work. But am her primary caregiver the remainder of the time. She is 90. I had a stork 6 months ago and were off work for 3 months. I did not fully recover. Lost sight in my left eye. I sometimes pray God will call her home so I can take care of myself and live again.
I just saw your post that was at the end of an old thread.  You might get more responses if you start your own thread, so readers realize it's a new question from you. 

I'm sorry to hear the news about your mother and you. It sounds like you have really had a traumatic time. Do you think that you can keep up working around the clock? Caring for a loved one who is physically handicapped and has dementia is really a daunting task. I'd consider how you would manage this, while working during the day and then caring for her  all other times? Also, what would happen to her if you had to enter the hospital or became disabled? I might explore your options and arrange to get help. Does she need skilled nursing care?
I am sole caregiver for my 93 year old Mom. She has dementia and has had it for 10 years. She is always wanting to go home but she has lived with me for 20 years. She is relentless and goes on and on in the meantime telling me how awful I am and calling me names. I end up yelling and feeling guilty. I am 77 years old and have been unable to do anything the last 10 years. I am tired I have no life.
Circle, this thread is from years ago and posting here will not get as much attention as starting your own new thread. It sounds as though your mom is still in the middle stages of dementia so despite her age this can go on for quite a few years yet, I think it is time for you to look into finding a placement for your mom and look out for yourself lest you end up in adjoining rooms at the NH.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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