Caring for father-in-law.
My family has cared for my father-in-law for the past 3 years. We were living with him until I had to start caring for my father and his wife. I was traveling back and forth. JHR (father-in-law) became irritated because he was not being cared for all the time. He got upset when I was away with my 2 girls. He then kicked us out. I was doing the best I could with full time work and full time school. We moved to my fathers and stopped caring for him for a while. Then his health got my husband back. We got a rent house so that the kids could return to school. I was still caring for my father until he passed unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. My step mom is in bad health with small cell lung cancer with not much longer to live without treatment, she is 72. Her family is now caring for her. JHR is on dialysis 3 times a week, has congestive heart failure, one valve of his heart working properly, diabetes, and wants to remain at home. He is still of sound mind and body, uses a walker after coming home from the hospital on Sunday for the second time in 3 weeks. My husband is now living there with him. I am cooking for him and cleaning his home.He misses so much work with his father in and out of the hospital we are having to move back in with him at the end of the month. I swore I would not move back in because of the disrespect he has given to me and my children. I am scared it will happen again. He is a selfish person and does not want to go to a home or have anyone besides us care for him. He has never apologized for the way that he acted when I was care for both him and my father. I have to move back with my kids because I cannot afford to pay the bills without my husbands income. He promised his mother when she was dying of small cell lung cancer he would not let him end up in a home. I lost my mom 15 years ago to small cell lung cancer. I am reliving my mother and father's death every day. We have set on the edge of our seats for 3 years with JHR health. I don't know what to do. He wouldn't stay in the home if we put him there. He would never talk to us again. His other 3 children will not help to give us some relief. I have no more answers and don't know how much more we can take. Please help. What do we do? Where we are going to does not have the room for us. My husband will be in the house with him so he can make sure he is ok and my girls and I will be in the top of the garage where we put 2 rooms before. Feels like camping out with no bathroom or anything. JHR has signed his property over to my husband so we have something for caring for him. We would like to add on so that we are all comfortable but without my husband working all the time we can't risk getting a loan and then loosing the property because we can't afford to pay. I just want one day of peace and happiness after all that we have endured. My husband feels he can't send him to a home and go against what he promised his mom. No one seems to have the any answers because of the way his father is. He will not go to a home, he is now 83 years old, he feels as long as he can walk and go to his dialysis appts he doesn't need to be in a home but cannot live alone anymore. Any answers would be greatly appreciated.