My boyfriend is the primary caregiver for his grandmother, as his grandmother does not speak to her daughter.
I help my boyfriend frequently to alleviate some of the stress from him, but it is getting to the point where the boundaries are completely crossed and I am starting to feel resentment towards my boyfriend because I am doing basically everything.
I would not mind, but she is not a very nice women. She tells my boyfriend that he makes me a priority over her and her needs and then expects me to still do everything.
She doesn't like to 'bother' him at work, but she will call me while I am at work and leave me voicemails. I just talked to him about this recently and said I cannot handle the stress of her calling me at work asking me for things and that he needs to talk to her about this.
In the beginning I was very willing to help because I understand the stress caregiving can take on a person, and him being the primary caregiver, I wanted to offer him some relief out of love.
At this point, it is too much for me. It is hard to care for someone who I know talks badly behind my back and on top of it, him and I cannot even live a normal life and have a normal relationship in our late 20's.
Our whole relationship has always been based around her needs.
I know that he is totally mentally checked out, but I feel like he can't put this all on me. We are not even married!
I guess what I am looking for (other then to vent a little) is, is it normal to feel this way? Is it not crazy that in our year or so of a relationship that I have to do all of this for someones grandmother? I'm starting to take off the rose colored glasses and realizing that this is not what I want.
For my family, I would go to the moon and back but at 27 I do not want to be a care taker for someone elses family member, especially when it impacts our relationship in almost every aspect like caring for her needs before our relationship needs.
What are your thoughts on this...