Caring for boyfriends Father with dementia whom recently was hospitalized. I can use an outsiders point of view.
Now family wont say but blame me. Father in law was recetly hospitalized with pneumonia & hypotension. He has had Dementia for 2yrs & I have been caring for him. Recently his son was incarcerated & I was asked by Sheriff to come back to residence to care for him. The son & I have a rocky relationship, just had his first baby about 6 months ago, so just cuz I love him I came. He put me in a difficult situation. He had not saved any money & I hadnt earned any while he & I were living together. I did every thing & he earned the income for it. After 1 month of struggle I was okay & had every thing running well. My father in law has 7 siblings near by but only one brother would come help out 2 a week by bringing him a meal and taking him for a short walk. I did every thing with out help the bathing, changing, his laundry( incontinent), Dr. apt, & care for my kids ( 6 month old & suicidal 12 yr old). For the past 4 months I have put my kids & my selfs needs to the side giving my boyfrnds father more of my attention then I give my kids. As of 4 days his behavior began to change. Every night he was trying to get out of his bedroom (he is also blind) except on Wednesday he didnt try anymore. I figured he was to cold. We live in an old building that has no insulation and windows which you can feel breeze, and the heater doesnt work. My father in law is always cold even if I turn on a portable heater for him. Thursday he didnt remember,how to feed him self so I feed him but he didnt eat much. Friday morning he didnt want to eat at all. I didnt see him well & was calling his family to ask what I should do. See I called the ER do to the fact that I am not married to his only son & the son is power of attorney. Well explained father in laws condition, behavior/ change, & let her know that I had no power of attorney or signed docs. I was told if I took him & it was mental he would not be seen cuz they wouldnt be able to do anything. He would be seen if its a life threatening situation. I made the first call on Tuesday. On Friday I began to dress him couldnt, he fought a bit so I figured he was okay but even then I was uncomfortable. So around 6pm I called paramedics. His body temp was low and everything else was fine. We get ER I see him rolled to xray he's still breathing once he goes back I hear a code blue. He had stop breathing. Once he was stabilized his brother and I were let in, nurse told me he had a heart attack. I began to cry. I didnt see any signs. She told me with Dementia patients it's not easy and I wouldnt have seen it. At this point his brother was telling me it wasnt my fault. He was transported 2 hrs away on Saturday & I went to visit son so I can inform him. After my son was wheezing so I took him to ER & he has bronchitis. I still have not made it up to see him do to my baby being ille and now I feel like they blame me. What should I do? His niece commented he wouldnt be coming home with me anymore. I agree he needs better care or a facility but his son wants him here and refuses to put him in a home. I feel guilty, please give me your point of view. What would you do?