Caring for and protecting my dementia mom from being taken advantage of

Started by

handing out money, writing checks to anyone, not remembering and lashing out at me as her caregiver, because she did these things and I was not there of did not know until it is too late. she needs daily care and this will only progress to hourly care and I need to safeguard her from any further losses to be able to care for her in the long term

5 Comments

Take control. Your mother is incapable of making important decisions. It is therefore irresponsible to let her do so.
I agree, you have to get control as POA of her finances, and put her on an allowance. Giving her a certain amount of money in her purse gives her some freedom without sending her to the 'poorhouse'.
Before I moved in with her, I discovered that Mom was writing checks to any junk mail shyster askinig her to send money. She was also giving out her checking account number to any telemarketer who called...not once, but twice I had to change her account. After I moved in she still insisted on writing her monthly checks, and I let her do it as long as she could (while weeding out all the junk mail first). But after awhile it became obvious that she no longer had any idea what she was doing, and I took over her bills (but not without a fight). I also have POA, and my name is on her bank accounts. I have her debit card, her credit card, her checkbook and the stamps. She can no longer order things from QVC or Publisher's Clearing House. Yes, she was somewhat resentful at first, but the short term memory loss of her dementia had her forgetting that very quickly. I make sure she has some money in her pocketbook. Now if I can only get her to give me the bills when they come in, life will be good.....the woman always beats me to the mailbox!
Barb: I know this problem all too well. While I was on my mother's bank account, when she was left on her own, she would mail out payment checks to anything that came in her mailbox. SO...I notified each of her accounts, signed up for online/auto payments, and then went paperless. I did have 'fake checks' for her to write should she feel the need, that NO BANK in their right mind would cash. (No routing number, invalid account number) and this also prevented 'door to door soliciators from trying to cash such a check! Imagine their surprise! Or have NOT A CHECK printed on the bottom,so there are no legal ramifications.

Jbozman: you can also eliminate many of the same problems by signing up for online payment (paperless) payment of Mom's bills.
Yes, I've been doing that for quite some time. There's still a few, though, that don't provide either a paperless option or direct debit. Those are the ones that drive me nuts!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support