Resentment & anger.
My widowed mom was physically, mentally, emotionally, & sexually abusive of us five children when we were kids. My dad was on sea duty until I was 9 and so not around. When he was there, mom comandeered his time & attention. Later, he became what seems like manic/depressive with long bouts of silently sitting in the dark alternating with immature, bubbly giddiness. I saw my mom abuse him, too: she would attack him physically and say mean, untrue things. Now he is gone, and so is my older sister-- which leaves me and three younger, estranged siblings to deal with my aging mom. The worst part is I either feel disconnected from my emotions re: her, or I feel resentment and anger. I am a responsible person, and I feel guilty that I can't manage my feelings about the past. It's like I can't grow past all that misery and recognize that she doesn't have that power anymore. Any words of wisdom here?