Thankless job of caregiving.

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I have been caring for my mom that lives with Alzheimer's for 18 months. This began when her husband had to be hospitalized then rehab followed for several months. When this first occurred my siblings wanted to pay me for being with mom, but I said no, let's wait to see what happens. Well here we are, I am still here, caring for both of them with over $20,000.00 in expenses out of pocket for mom alone, to say nothing of no payment for this task.

We have just started to work through the process of trying to determine what mom owes me, she planned well for her retirement, and what I should be paid. But is has gotten really ugly, in fact my brother and sister requested an investigation by Adult Protection Services in our area, not just one, but two, one for my mom the other for her husband. I haven't done anything to raise this sort of issue. I am in the process of obtaining letters from neighbors and medical care providers to document my excellent care for them. I don't even know what the accusations are yet, but am still absolutely flaberghasted by them taking this sort of action. All over money, and paying me what this service is worth, it is definitely a 24/7 job which they have done little to assist. Their concern is that the share and share alike clause will change because of payment to me for service. But share and share alike has more than on connotation, not just the benefit after death, but also the responsibility when care is needed.

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sorry for above wrong post
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im glad they dropped the case but i would still watch my back . people like that never stop till they get there way
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Yes This is a Thankless Job.. I first felt caring for mom would not be a Job..Since she was dropped into my lap..The Only sibling that works from Home..
When soon after it became 24/7 I had to Confess it IS..I am Thankful that My Mother ... Most of the Time she does say Thank You... for taking such good care of her..
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Glad!! Awesome. Congrats. I hope they are ashamed of themselves.
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wow..so sad how some people can't see what's in front of them. They obviously don't have a clue how much the nursing home (state) would allocate from her estate. Because chances are they would put a lien on it and have the whole kit and ka boodle. I totally understand where you are coming from, however I feel fortunate that I have my sibs on my side. They totally understand what a sacrifice I am making to take care of my mom. However...mom has nothing to begin with. I have POA and use 800 out of her checking account every month to pay myself. 800 is a bargain price for all that I do. But the reward will be later after mom has gone. I will have done all that I can do for her and they know she has a great life here, better than anywhere. I just hope that I don't wear out before she does. At 91 she is the energizer bunny. Up all night and day. Anyhow...good luck with your troubles and pat yourself on the back. Because you deserve it. God Bless
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I had POA for my husband for more than 9 years. I never filed a report to anyone, let alone annually. A specific contact may include that as a stipulation, but it is not a general legal requirement of the role.

As others have said, exactly when a POA should step in and act on the principle's behalf is a tricky area. One of my children is listed as my POA. As far as any of my kids are concerned I am perfectly fine to take care of my own affairs (and I am). I set it up years ahead of need, "just in case." If the POA or any of the other kids said, "Mom, are you paying all your insurance premiums?" my answer would probably be along the lines of "My financial affairs are none of your concern, thank you anyway."

Even if a POA suspected the principle was not quite with it anymore, and said "you really should not let this policy lapse, let me take care of it for you," if the principle objected and was still competent in the legal sense there would be nothing the POA could do about it. The POA can take over if the principle agrees it is time OR if the principle is judged incompetent. But the POA cannot do things against the principle's wishes. (Or else I would not have made the assignment years ahead of need -- nor would anyone else!)

Unfortunately financial responsibility is often on of the first skills to go when dementia starts. A person can do an awful lot of financial damage before anyone is even aware there is a problem. It is not fair to blame a POA for not preventing this if that person didn't even know there was a problem and that they should start to take an interest in the financial affairs.
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Is there confusion here between duties of a conservator or legally appointed guardian and a person with a Power of Attorney? In the first instance, there would be a finding of incompetence and the appointment of a guardian, whereas someone with a POA might not involve an incompetent principal. Also, I believe that no one can be forced to accept POA responsibilities against their will. You might be able to appoint someone as your POA, but they would not have to accept the job. Anyone with more experience/insight who could comment? Thanks. As for having to pay out of your own pocket, that is a completely different issue.
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notwellmyself A POA does not mean you have to pay bills out of your pocket. It means you have the duty or authority to pay or straighten out things for the principal.
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I knew that if a court appointed a person as guardian they were required to file yearly (or as often as the court requires) reports of income, expenses, etc. This discussion is just the 1st I've heard about a POA being required to file reports. Especially the discussion about the failure to pay insurance premiums. I would think that the only way a POA could be required to pay premiums is if ordered or agreed to after notification that the person they are to be acting for is unable to act. Even then, unless compensated in some way, I'm not sure it would hold up in a court of law because the law of contracts. Just curious.
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notwellmyself On the subject of how/when you are responsible as a POA....This is an extremely uncovered subject and I also believe a misunderstood or unquestioned issue. A person that is named as POA has the legal authority to act within the terms written on the POA documents (papers). I don't believe that if you fail to act, at all, whether knowingly or not is not the problem. I believe if you use the POWER as POA and your actions are in good faith , if you do something unintentionally in error and that act was considered or taken by the POA, in good faith, to protect the Principal that would be justifiable. A POA that acts other than in the Best Interest of the principal is not Justifiable. In short if you take money that's not yours and you neglect to spend money other than for the care/well being of the person who's money it is you are a thief. Some people think of spending their inheritance before it is their inheritance and they think that being a POA gives a right to do that. I am not 100% positive but that's the only thing that makes sense to me.
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