At my wits end - caregiving is not for me.
I don't know what I'd do without this forum. I've read numerous posts here about caregiver burnout and though I can appreciate the suggestion to bring in help, there's one factor... MONEY.
I currently have someone come in overnight four nights a week, and that costs $2,800 a month, and sadly... It's STILL not enough for me. Maybe I'm just not cut out to provide care.
I'm starting to really hate my father, and that's not good. I lost my job, my house foreclosed, and I've decided NOT to start the family my BF and I were planning on starting next year because there is NO way I could endure a pregnancy and caring for my Dad.
Due to my Dad's repeated bad behavior when I was a kid, I had to take care of him (and the many wives he beat), and now as an adult, I feel tethered to him. He won't remotely try to meet me halfway. It has to be HIS way or there's hell to pay, and I'm just sick of it all.
The thing is, I've only been at this caregiving thing for less than a year.
I've gained 25 pounds (when before this happened I worked out religiously),
I keep trying to release the BF (It's not BF's fault my Dad is old, sick and cranky. He needs to find someone with younger parents that can give him the kids he wants and deserves)
I'm COMPLETELY MISERABLE!!!! And so is Dad.
If I put him back in an Independent / Assisted Living facility, it would mean letting his in home care nurse go. The first time we tried it, he went to Adult Day Care, lived in Assisted Living, AND had a nurse to spend the night with him while at the facility... ONE WORD... EXPENSIVE
It's obvious that there is no "middle ground"... Especially for him. Either he's happy and I'm MISERABLE or I'm happy (and insanely guilty) and he's throwing tantrums.
I'm exhausted. It's a bad thing to say, but I seriously DETEST care giving. My life is over.