I know God works good in everything yet this time of caregiving is so overwhelming.

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All I can feel is loneliness...Guilt from self pitty and confusion. My social worker says when my husband passes I will be a wash of emotions. Grief, guilt (I could never make him happy even after 41 years of marriage as he never got over his first wives death & lived in the past.) , relief , fear etc. his needs are overwhelming as he has dementia as well as many serious health issues . I have help come in 7 hours a week. But by the time I get my husband in bed I'm exhausted & need time alone to rest, pray & get my head together. How can I prepare for his death & do better today handling his care. We have two dogs my husband loves . I can't leave my husband alone even long enough to walk them. They are full of energy & a nightmare when people come. One respite care girl says we need to get rid of them. They are a lot of work & stress. Not an option. I'm depressed every morning & hate to face the day. I'm failing the lord with this attitude.


I peeked at your profile and saw that you're quite a bit younger than your husband. Is there any way you can get more help? Would you both be better off if he where in a care facility? You're going down with the ship here. Your husband would not want you to be suffering like this. Take some action to help yourself and your husband. I know its easier said than done, but think about it.
rod , todd , this is god . knock those fleabit dogs in the head , theyre stressing your household .
my sis and niece thought they were going to care for my dying mother 2 yrs ago . moved in with bed bugs and the nastiest ( in heat ) bastard dog ive ever seen . when hospice visited the dog would sit in a back room and howl . bullsh*t . not on my watch . the dog was ran off first , sis second , niece third , bed bugs last and there was serenity in the home till mom passed a year later .
yea im a real b*tch but i took control of that household then presented that control back to mom as a gift she deserved .
If I were dying, I would hate it if someone got rid of my beloved pets. Please remember if your husband loves them, they are very important to his final days. And they could be important to your current mental state--getting out of the house and going for a 20 minute walk is just what the doctor orders. Find more caregivers for your husband, and go walk those dogs. If you cannot do it, hire a dog walker to do it. But I am unashamedly in the camp of keeping the dogs for your DH's benefit. If you got rid of them what are you going to say when he notices they're gone....forever?
Don't judge yourself. How can you say you are "failing the Lord with this attitude". Isn't that His job to judge, not yours? I would think the Lord knows and understands the stress etc. that you are going through. Why we have to go through these difficult times is a question I still ask and I expect that someday I will know why. Yes there are days of tears, days when I'm not as patient as I would like to be, and days of just plain exhaustion. But I have keep on. The Lord knows we're human with all the human weaknesses. What more can we do than lean on Him and do the best we can?
Now is not the time to blame yourself. Its when we feel the weakest that God is the strongest. My mom just died and I know if it were not for God carrying me I would of broken.

All God asks of us is that we do the best we can and then trust him the rest of the way. Don't be so hard on yourself.
My Mom had two dogs and they raised my stress level so high on a daily basis. They compounded caregiving as I had three to take care of, not just one. She also had cats. A friend finally put it in perspective: "The lunacy is not that your Mom allows it, but that you do." I said thst it would kill her and he said, "No it will make her mad, but it won't kill her." I finally said, "Mom I know how much you loved your Mom. Would you have let her live like this?" She said "No" and I took dogs to shelter the next day. She's mentioned it was best as she could not take care of them anymore. We have to cut what stress we can or we won't be able to survive caregiving. I'm learning as I go. Some decisions are hard but necessary.
Oh wearyone, I can feel the fatigue in your post. I agree that if there is any way, any at all, please try to find the funds to bring caregivers in for a few more hours each day. If you could just leave the house and have a quiet lunch reading an encouraging book, that would lift your spirits immensely. Caregiving is tiresome, both mentally and physically. You are not imagining that you are worn out, you ARE worn out mentally and physically.

But don't think that you are failing the Lord or anyone else -- I feel quite certain that you are doing the very best you can each and every day. It's just that the caretaking job is too big for just you. Please try to get help, dog walker, respite care, neighbors, & friends from church, some sort of support system to help you handle this load, and keep your own heath and sanity in the process.

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