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My situation will probably be very different from most, since I am considered a newlywed, however I don't see many topics on this subject and would like to start something that includes those of us that are taking care of our spouse.

My husband, I was well aware of some his problems prior to our marriage 3-30-12, with issues due to his work environment working with the railroad after many accidents, not his fault, as you can understand by reading papers of train accidents when others are killed by their stupidity of trying to beat the train, or accidents where a vehicle stalls on the tracks. He remembers every death, and even knowing that he was not at fault, the number 57 remains in his head. The last accident was a major one when training a new engineer the person changing the track trip switch, went the wrong way ending in a head on collision, and three people died including his trainee. After that time, him being the only one that lived, this occurred over 11 yrs ago, he was removed from duty and hospitalized with many injuries, including mental. At this time besides nightmares he has been diagnosed with Bipolar,PTSD, Sleep disorder, and depression. During his hospital stay (11 years ago) he was given a chaotic treatment of electrodes attached to his head and zapped he calls it 10 times to try to help. This was some time ago, however we believe now it is causing, along with the drinking he did, dementia.

These things I have been informed can come on fast or slow, and in the last couple of months the dementia has increased to the point that I have to repeat myself every day on appointments, for instants, that are going to happen in the next few weeks. It seems his short term memory is what is really affected the most.

To add to the difficulty of this onset coming on so fast, he has now been diagnosed with Degenerative Disk Disorder and has a bulging disk, (now on pain medicine as well) so even though I am unable to do much myself due to my own issues, he now can do nothing around the house to assist me. (Two weeks after we were married I became ill with pneumonia 17th time) and was taken off my job for disability and on oxygen 24/7), This has made things very difficult since I was in a wheelchair for many years and in the last few years, prior to meeting my husband, had built myself up to be on my feet, maybe not perfect to walk around, however was on my feet just the same.

He was just given a medicine (Donepezil) that is a possibility of slowing down the dementia, which we are hoping works, but wish he would have gotten wind of this long ago…those of you having spouses with dementia, I was informed that this will not reverse anything however could give us longer together before things get worse. I now have to take care of all his medicine since he is unable to remember what he has taken and what it is for.

I am starting this string, one because getting my story out there I believe will help me and hope to help others that come in to this site with Husband/Wife assistance, not just parents/aunt/uncle and so on. And I would like to hear others maybe of things they have tried…or just to be able to connect with other spouses here so we can friend one another so we can use this as a, so to speak, bitching session, or to put a bit more nice, sharing session, to get things off our chest.

This is all very new to me, I am not sure if this is a way to start things, but am doing my best and hoping that this will open up a new area for those of us in similar situations...

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, hoping I did not babble to much, and I do hope we can get a good gathering of a group for the loving wives/husbands taking care of our spouses and getting stress relief with a little chatter.

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I totally understand your situation. My husband was diagnosed with dementia last summer, following knee replacement surgery. I had noticed a change in his personality prior to that, following shoulder replacement in Aug. 2010, but had no idea it was dementia until a year later. In hindsight, I now remember signs that I should have noticed. He now is in assisted living. He is sneaky, dishonest. He has a brother & sister-in-law who never had anything to do with him, did not even go see him when he had three surgeries all within 6 weeks or call to inquire about his condition. When they found out about the dementia, they became his best friends and are attempting to take advantage of him and encourage his dishonesty and help him to hide information from me. I have now become an amateur detective, since it's obvious they feel they can insert themselves in our private, personal business, convincing him none of it is any of my business which he continues to tell me. He personality has completely changed, I feel as though I'm married to a stranger. Everyone tells me not to take it personally, but this is very challenging. I wish you the best in being able to handle this, it is very challenging and admire you for all you're attempting to do to help him. If he's being honest with you and no one else is interferring in your life, that will be to your advantage. Being involved in this website is very helpful, you realize you're not all alone and it's an opportunity the vent.
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i am a caregiver of my husband who has PTSD, depression, chronic pain, distruptive rem sleep disorder, he also has nightmares and diagnosed with dementia in 2006. it is true that it seems that most caregiving stories are about aging parents and very few are in regards to spousal caregiving. He is 62 and i am 53. We have been married 33 years. If you are just starting this journey my best advice to you is "get ready to be overwhelmed and GET HELP". I have been lax in getting help for him and for me because i am a strong willed woman and had the attitude that I can do it but i'm here to tell you that i don't care who you are this journey can not be done alone, it is imparative that you seek out help.
Life as you know it now will change daily and before you kjnow it this life and lifestyle will no longer exsist.
Keep a positive attitude but again the best advice i can give is get HELP, not just in caregiving for him but you need to take care of you, join a support group, go to meeting, set aside time for you, get out of the house and away from the situation as much as you can.
Best of luck to you and god bless
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dear new wife caregiver, it sounds like you didn't get a chance know your husband as a healthy , fully participating person. You plunged right into the role of caretaker. Do you have any happy memories of good times shared? I hope you do. A regular day, shared doing normal things, is a treasure.

My story:
Twenty five years ago, I married my hero, a man 14 years my senior. He is a Marine Corps combat vet, who after the foxholes of Korea took to the streets of Los Angeles, homeless, alcoholic for about 10 years. My husband could do anything.he could build anything, fix anything, figure out problems, he's a gourmet cook, an artists--our marriage was everything I could ever ask for. Then ill health( Lupus, COPD, peripheral neuropathy, chronic pain) took their toll and he became severely depressed. That was five years ago. he was in and out of the hospital.The Magic went out of our relationship, but I continue to care for him, took him to doctors appointments, urged him to shave, eat, to limit his smoking, I guess I became a nag. he fell and broke his hip.

After the surgery, he went to a nursing home where he received excellent care. I've written about this before. He was on an activating antidepressant, when he began his inappropriate relationship with one of the nonprofessional workers at his nursing home. I couldn't believe it.

After all those years of caring for him, now that he is getting better, he turns to a woman young enough to be his granddaughter maybe even his great-granddaughter. I blame the medication, the person who was supposed to supervise the nonprofessional employee, and the of employee herself, and my husband. This should never have started. It should never have been allowed to continue. The whole thing is ridiculous

This is something I've learned, and something wives should be aware of when they place their has been in a nursing home. Romances are not unusual. The outside world begins to seem far away, and ancient in memory. Relationships within the nursing home community are formed between patients. Nursing home caretakers should refrain from personal relationships with patients. This is a big no-no.
I filed a complaint which is being processed as I write this. (I have addressed this on another comment page. My husband and I, no thanks to nursing home personnel, are working out our relationship, which has weathered the storm and nothing stronger than ever. we both want him to remain in his current nursing home which other than the romance problem, has provided excellent care, and is only a few miles from our home.

The nonprofessional employee is almost stalking my husband. At least that's the impression I get when I visit. She makes her presence known. I have developed such an aversion for this woman that I become physically ill when I see her. I don't want to hurt her punish her. However, if she's not removed, and kept away from my husband, I will not be able to visit him. He knows this.

I am awaiting the results of the investigation, which is then undertaken by an ombudsman in response to my complaint. This will determine the direction of our marriage.
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I cannot imagine knowingly taking on the care of someone with dementia or any chronic/terminal illness. You are to be commended for your courage. My husband was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and with Parkinson's back in Oct of 2011. A new neurologist has offered some hope/insight into his conditions and is doing extensive testing to confirm the diagnosis. In the meantime, something dramatic happened with my husband on Christmas Day of 2012, and it's been a horrifying roller-coaster ride of paranoia, suspicion, depression, agitation and deepening loss of understanding of where we live, when we moved here, when we were married (23 yrs ago), etc. The doctor has given him new meds which are helping a bit, it seems, but every day is like walking on egg shells...never knowing what he might see/hear which will trigger a negative reaction. In just a short time, I have been plagued with anxiety attacks and robbed of precious sleep which we all need to cope with the demands of all this. The sad/scary/frustrating part is knowing that all the horror stories we read about of elderly parents wandering off, pooping the bed, being mean are all part of our future...and one in which we have no control. Until my husband can't physically take care of himself (eat, wash, shave, dress, use the bathroom, etc), I have no choice but to deal with his paranoia, suspicions and agitation. It almost seems the physical care would be far easier than the mental, but I'm not there yet, so I don't know. I am glad that newwifecare started this string because it is true that most of what we read here is about caring for elderly parents which is just as stressful, just as heartbreaking, but is still different. The person we shared our lives with...even if it was just a short while....is not the same as a parent. A spouse is a partner, a friend...to see that person change and become a stranger is so hard. Looking back over the past year or so, I see the warning signs of what was coming. Why the neurologist where we used to live didn't recognize it or talk to me about it is beyond me. Maybe what happened the last month could have been avoided or at least the feeling of being blind-sided could have been avoided or at least softened. I am hoping and praying that this new doctor is truly interested and concerned and will help us face the inevitable with strength, courage and whatever bit of dignity we can salvage.
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I am glad to see these comments, I have written twais without answers.
My problem is soft compared to what is presented today. My wife began showing strange behavior about four years ago. First I suspected of an afair, because she was absent without explanation and with varying moods.
After a while, I began noticing memmory lags, more and more frequent. And one day she got lost in a supermarket, located at home after some minutes. That sounded an alarm, and began to see her with another light. I don´t know what happened at the first time, and I don´t care.
The problem is now. About 2 and a half years she was diagnosed with a mild dementia of the kind called cognitive syndrome, And the prognose was imprecised at the time. Perhaps this year will be posible to refine the diagnose, that according to the initial studies can lead (In broad terms) to: Halzheimer, multiple accidents or other.
Actually, I can not trust her to do many things, or going alone to places other than around the block. Her memory is visible deteriorated, still sort of functional in small chores. Has changed to suspicion attitudes, some lies, careless with our home, is beguinning to show careless personal aparience. And others, like not being able to handle credit cards.
I am planning to stay with her as long as possible, and not too sure what to do after she beguins to have a more grave memmory problems. I will play the tone that comes.
I hate the idea of imagining her alone in a strange enviroment, not matter knowing that she no longer knows about.
Looking at my problem, easy compared to the New Wife I send her a big Hug and wish her the best of posible days, also I ´ll pray for her and all of us.
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It's not just spouse caregiving that needs to be addressed, but also early onset. I'm 59 and my husband is 60. He was diagnosed 4 years ago with Lewy Body Dementia, after trying to get him diagnosed for 7 years. That's 7 years of dealing with something and thinking I was crazy, since the doctors couldn't find anything. Part of the reason was he was too young for dementia, LBD fluctuates, and they were just starting to figure out Alzheimers, and his symptoms were different. LBD is actually the 2nd most common dementia, but few know about it? We didn't get diagnosed until he started having "Parkinson's like" symptoms, and chiropractor suggested taking him to a Parkinson's specialist, who knew what it was and how to deal with it.

We've been married 13 years, so it has been most of our marriage. I understand where newwifecare is coming from, but am further down the road. It started with him not being able to keep a job. He's gone through 15 or more (I lost count). I worked full-time at first, but went to part-time so I could deal with my own health issues and help him with his own business, which we started thinking that he couldn't fire himself. But it ended up with me having to be with him constantly and I physically couldn't do it. Lewy Body affects the executive function, which means he had trouble following directions/procedures and making decisions. Even decisions as simple as where do you want to go to dinner, restaurant A or B. Now he also has trouble putting a sentences together and recently started using the wrong word for things.

I must say that once we got diagnosed, he got some meds that helped. He is on disability, but he is somewhat functional at home as long as the routine doesn't change and I'm there to clear up frequent confusion. If there are changes, he is ok as long as I'm there (his security blanket) to deal with whatever comes up, and repeat things over and over.

Since we had such a short time together, pre-symptoms or pre my noticing, our relationship has changed from passionate love affair to good friends and roommates. I've had to stop working outside the home, and worked at home teaching online for awhile, but currently not and at 59 feeling like my life is on hold, and someday I'll have get back in the workforce. His inevitable decline has been slow, so on one hand I have time to adjust, but on the other hand it makes the "road" look like it will go on forever. I think that is my biggest frustration. Most people get LBD in their 70s+, and the prognosis is 5-8 years. What is it when they're 60 and had symptoms for 12 years? I can't ask the doctor, because I don't want my husband to hear the answer. He would get depressed, and that would be just one more thing to deal with.
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I am in the same boat with a husband who is waiting for a brain cancer to return (not curable) and now experiencing dementia coming on rapidly from Chemo, Radiation, plus possible what would have happened down the road eventually. We have been married almost 10 years and he is only 60 years old. We have tried Aricept which left him extremely angry all of the time. He has gone off of this medication which has helped somewhat.

It is very hard to try to work 40 hours a week and take care of someone in this condition always asking the same questions, not remembering what is going on around him more that a couple of minutes. At least so far he had not forgotten his family nor mine which help as much as they can.

It is hard to except (for me anyway) that my husband will be dying in the near future and to watch his memory go as well. All I can say to everyone else is that we are not alone in this path we have taken on. One day at a time is the only thing that keeps me going and remembering that it is the disease not the person. Hang in there it is hard but survivable.
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I would just like to point out the subtitle of this site's name: Connecting people caring for elderly parents. That hasn't stopped me from being a very active participant here while taking care of my husband with dementia. I have found it very valuable. But since the site was developed for and aimed at people taking care of their parents it is not surprising that most participants are caring for their parents! :-)

Now my mother has dementia. Although my husband has died I'm still on this site.

Many aspects of caring for a loved one are similar no matter who the loved one is. I believe that many, many other aspects a slightly or significantly different when we are caring for a spouse.

Hang around. You can learn a lot here, and you also have something to offer. Just don't be surprised that there are no articles addressing spousal caregiving and that most participants care for a parents. That is what this site is for.
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Finally, a discussion I can actually relate to. It has been more than a little frustrating to read so many comments from those caring for their parents and so few from spouses caring for spouses. My husband and I have been very happily married for 26 years; he is 76, and I am 8 years younger. It was suggested to us about 3 years ago that he may be in early dementia, and a neuropsychologist who evaluated him then felt that his condition results from a progression of brain damage suffered in 2003, when he had a subdural hematoma. While many of his faculties from the uninjured side of the brain are still fairly well intact, the increasing deficits he's been manifesting are consistent with the injured brain hemisphere. And I can definitely see a progression of the dementia behaviors, as well an increasingly profound short-term memory loss. I often equate my existence to negotiating a minefield, never knowing what will set him off, never sure of whether I'm dealing with the man I love or his evil twin. Initially, he primarily needed me to assist him by dispensing meds; but he has in recent months begun to require my help with dressing (has forgotten how to tie a tie, cannot concentrate well enough to make clothing selections, etc.). He's become more vulnerable and impulsive in financial matters, has fallen for questionable internet offers, and has been taken advantage of by friends and relatives. He's also having occasional incontinence issues. So, yes, the relationship does change at some point from one of great, passionate love to one of caring, friendship, and compassion. And, of course, by degrees I am assuming more and more control. Gradually, though, I am learning to take things as they come, and keep reminding myself that it is indeed the disease, not the person. And I make it a point to take good care of myself, as well, so that I can take care of him.
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WOW! I am so glad to hear from so many people experiencing so many of the same problems...even tho I wish none of us had to deal with any of this, at least we know we are not alone and that there is hope, however small, that we can deal with the never-ending changes, not knowing if it's Dr. Jekyl or Mr(s) Hyde to whom we are speaking at any given moment. Although my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I suspect it may be related more to his Parkinson's or to Dementia with Lewy Bodies. The latter two are not well known and those who are dealing with it are sometimes caught in a hailstorm of misinformation. There is an association for LBD I'd encourage you to check out on line. I just did recently, and have received some info from them (just today) so I haven't had time to read it, but I will. I'm so glad I found this site. It is so good to be able to "talk" to others who are experiencing the same emotions and fears I am. Early onset is another beast that is really scary. I have a friend from my old church back in TN who's husband had early onset. He passed away last year after just 5 years. His wife was so strong through it all, especially since the week her husband died, she found out she had breast cancer. She is doing well now, and I attribute her courage to her strong faith and a wonderful family support system. She was very fortunate to have her family close.
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This site has room for discussion on spousal caregivers and what is helpful and what is not. Also, there is something to learn from caregivers of their elderly parents. Every time I use this site , I learn something from the people that are taking their time and energy (which is valuable when caregiving) to make suggestions and hints on making the caregivers and the patients lives better.
I am a spousal caregiver. It is shocking how the vultures start flying around when they think a relative is vulnerable. Yet, they don't really want to help you they just want to stir the patient up and see what in it for them. I say thank you for all the caring. Here we are all in this situation together. Take real good care of yourselves. Good Bless.
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I am a spouse caregiver. My husband had a major stroke three years ago, and now - as I look back - he must have had smaller TIA's, because I became very confused at his behavior before the major stroke - especially with credit cards, our checking account, etc. When he was hospitalized for two months I had to do everything, and discovered what he was doing and what he was hiding! I trusted him because he was "the man of the house" and a businessman. What a shock to my system when I encountered what he was doing. Worse than that is that not one of his children have been to see him. Okay, one came to the hospital once - it was a two month stay and three others have sent Christmas cards - might as well have addressed them to Santa Claus. . .no, that would have been way too personal. Anyway, no one is helping me. I have to reach out to friends to get myself out of the house for a few hours - they are great. It's a must to reach out and keep dates with friends that care. I have gained a lot of weight from stress and night time eating; and I had two bouts of shingles. Ouch! I have started finding my way back to healthier eating and getting more sleep. Oh, yes - I've experienced a vulture. . .but I am in charge and he isn't getting anything that my husband hasn't already decided on and laid out in his will. I may be tired, a little ditsy some days, but I still have a back bone and spunk! I am also dealing with someone on my side of the family that is starting to take advantage of my eldery father. . .but, again I step up and put my foot down. No one is going to run off with my father's property - they seem to think they can talk him in to giving them his car and other valuables. An accounting of his assets seems to be a priority and proper as dad needs money in his account and unless those that steal from him are willing to take financial responsibility for his care - they better watch out!
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Good for you! Your spunk is inspiring. Please take care of yourself. I agree, good friends are a treasure. As I read your story, I'm reminded of the saying, "A life well lived is the best revenge."
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Ed and I were together for 15 years, He was a very good executive chef but a very loud one.His career ended the day he had sugery to start dialysis which he did for 15 years. Most of the time we did dialysis at home and we managed apartments.FOUR doctors told me that stress caused MY stroke.Now I am crippled but I can walk and live alone.Stress will put you in a wheel chair.Get treatment!!!!
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NewWifeCareg Many of us are here for a basically the same common reason.... Someone we Love needs care and as we have been Blessed with Good hearts we want to do everything we can to Comfort our loved one in their time of need.
Giving up is not an option for us!!!!
I turned my whole life into a Caregiver Attitude Goal. It was like I was possessed by a person who I didn't know was inside of me. I was never so focused on anything in my entire life. I knew one thing and one thing only I couldn't live with myself if I threw in the towel. I know that the majority people on this site have the true gift of giving. I am telling you this because you need to know your special and you matter. If negativity gets in your way don't welcome these thoughts especially by anyone who can't support you. Try to focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Put one fire out at a time. You can only do your best and that is all you can do. If you got married for Love that is what you need to focus on. That Love should be your strength. You came to the right place you will find support in the good people here.
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Caregiving is caregiving - whether for a spouse or for a parent or other family member. I am 63 and caring for my husband, who is 72 and has dementia (diagnosed 3 years ago). We've been married for 27 years and I am so grateful for the life I've had with him. I am blessed because although he can do very little for himself any more, he is kind and loving. He does get combative once in a while, but I know it's because his pride has a difficult time dealing with this unforgiving disease. I don't know if this will help anyone, but sometimes when I get really frustrated or overwhelmed, I open up an ongoing Word document and bullet my frustrations - one after the other. It feels good when I'm finished 'venting'. I've named this Word document vent mechanism, "Learning to Live in His World - Because He Can't Live in Mine". Not sure why I am slow to learn this, but I keep trying. God bless all of you in your sacrifice and efforts.
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Dear NotHisFault, I like your idea of a "venting journal". It is true that either putting things on paper or saying them out loud helps. I just feel like a broken record right now! I don't think you are any slower at learning this than the rest of us. There is no instruction book. No two days are alike. No two patients are alike There are only similarities and differences and "could be's" and "maybe's). Nothing is definitive about this disease whether it is Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Dementia or Demential with Lewy Bodies. There is crossover and distinctive variations, and each brings its own challenges. You are not alone....take care and God bless.
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Dear NotHisFault, Your situation and mine seem very similar and we seem to"deal" the same way. I have been keeping a written journal of this journey for 3 years now, it really helps me, no one will ever read these thoughts, vents, rants, etc but it does help me.

My husband is totally dependent on me at this point, meds, dressing, toileting, showering, feeding & so on. He has frontal lobe dementia and his speech has been greatly affected, he barely speaks ans when he does it isn't always understanable BUT he still knows me and still tells me i'm pretty and that he loves me. This warms my heart and breaks it and the same time. I too am very grateful for all the wonderful fun filled years we had together before this horrific disease crept into our lives.
Everyday is a new day and everyday caregivers like us do the best they can and that is all anyone can ask of us. You are not alone.
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Fantastic!!! all this situations makes me feel better, I am not so lonely, not alone. There is a comunity awating to give support and patience to listen. I was really in need of that.
In many of the comments I am seing frequent visits to the physicians, of various specializations:neurologists, psiquiatrists, general practitioners, etc.
When my wifwe was diagnosed the medic indicated a drug that may help her in various ways. Perhaps. Probable.
In exchange she would have to change her way of life, some of her habits, like time and way of sleeping, some foods, no alcohol (and allways we have enjoyed some wine or beer with the meals.
In exchange of what? There was no warranty of improvement if we did those things. Was a big, very big question.
When at the beguining I tried to applied the changes and give those medicines, she was unhappy, very unhappy, not understanding why.
So I decided to let her live the way she enjoys life, the way we have allways were. To me, us, is has worked fine, she seems happy, playful, content.
And we have seen less physicians and take very few medicines. I don´t know if this is correct, don´t really know, but seing her happy is enough to me, even if I know that she may not be aware of what is happening.
I am planning to make a full check -out to try to define the diagnose. Pray for the posible best, and pehaps change the tune.
Even so, I don´t think in changing our life strategy. (Even if is a one side desicion)
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Gonzalez38, I agree with enjoying what you can under the circumstances. Most of my husband's meds say no alcohol, but he enjoys a glass or two of wine now and then, and I think that is fine. He always loved to nap, and since he doesn't sleep well at night, I let him sleep most of the day. He loves chocolate and would eat a box full of Sees in one sitting, if I let him. But he is prediabetic, so I try to keep him to a "small treat" per day. I just try to keep some leve of moderation, which isn't always easy. He can be sneaky, so I hide the sweets, and thank goodness he can't remember how to use and is afraid of the wine bottle opener.
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To all interested,
Yes, we are in a boat that has some few rules: One is that this probles change our dear ones, to incredible conditios; othe is that this situations are of long duration, the least I have read here talks of 5 years, many are refering to 10 years or more ; and the third is they all end in nightmare years finishing in deaths. I have read Pauline Boss, first superficialy, then with great interest. And given agreat deal of time to the question of costs, and to the satisfaction for the dear in trouble.
Why I am saying this, I have written before that I choose to avoid meds and medicatios as much as posible (I know that in my case, this is posible) and my wife is following me, I also know that shew is doing this wihout knowing why. But I doubt the existance of a drug able to cure (Or improve signicativaly) her
condition, and also had read a lot about tentatives and experiences, without clear results. So I prefer to give her the little joy of a glass of wine, of choosing to go to a certain place of her each time more vague memories.
And with as much patience as I can handle, repeat answers to the same quatios and consideratons. And dreams. We have done some travel. It is very cansativefor me, constantly afraid of having her lost in a strange place. About a year ago she got lost in a shopping center in her home town. So I am not having the same life as before. But is not of aour choice, itis the disease, and ca not do much.
That is why she is not having much docs and medicines.
I am sure that this situation will change and at a certain poin I will require an asstant, to allow me some precious time of my own. I am wating. An still at that point, I am not sure of trusting much medicine in our lives.
Luckily (or perhaps not) as a mexican I am much free of the fear of dying. We all do that, the doubt is when and how... And most of us in this site are very well aware of this... and chained happlily or unhappily to a dear one in deseperate situation with only one end, at a long, long time
Best regards and prayers to all (believers or not, here it does not matter)
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tooyoung, about the wine: As my husband took more and more meds I wondered about the effect of alcohol. Not wanting to be the bad guy in this I brought it up with his dementia specialist, in front of my husband. Is it safe for him to continue to have wine or beer? The doctor replied (to my surprise) "No more than 2 glasses a day. If they make symptoms worse, such as unsteady on this feet, then we'd have to discuss it again." I am SO glad I asked the doctor. Otherwise I might have deprived him of one more joy in his life and for no good reason. Toward the end I think he liked the idea of drinking and the memory of how he used to like it than he actually liked drinking. He'd order a glass of beer at a restaurant and most of it would still be in the glass when we left.
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I am so glad with your answer. It is quite the same I experienced with my wife (with a dubious opinion of a med) I saw her unhappy when I told her that that we shoul not drink any, So after a while, not observing any positive results from the medicines, at the end of the bottle, I just don´t buy a second, and drank our wine or beer. And to my surprise, very often the glasses are half at the end of the meal, and is not requesting every time. Only in some places or moments.
The same happened with the sleep, afte interrupting the meds, she wa irregular for a while and then adapted, and follow the usual costume of many years. Of course, sometimes either one of us has a bad night, but... who doesn´t?
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Another comment:
For the firs time in many, many years, I had a nightmare a couple of days ago, I dramt that we were in my city, crossing alarge avenue, she went ahead walking fast and all of a sudden a truck came from around the corner and run her over. Inmediatly after, I run to her, but she was like death. I was crying and calling her my love and telling her that I love her so much...
I wakew up trembling and moved... She awaked and asked what happened... I did not tell what happened
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Please. . .someone tell me how to cope with the same questions over and over and over. It is a nightly question "why this". . ."why that". I explain - every night for a month, then I am ready to blow! I know he isn't "getting it". . .but how do you cope with the emotions? I am about at my wit's end. It's like the 3 year old asking "why Mommy". I came straight to this site after telling him again and again the answer - he doesn't believe my response or will ask the question in another 5 minutes. I am going out of my mind! I am patient; I am calm; I answer the question; I answer the question again. . .Guess it's a good thing I have AgingCare to go to tonight! ha ha
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PegofmyHeart, yup, vent here. Be as patient and caring as you can be when answering his questions. He can't help it. But we get it! I hope you realize that while it is important to answer calmly and patiently, it isn't necessary to answer in detail or at length. And the answer "I don't know. I'll see if I can find the answer on the internet tomorrow" is OK, too.
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Gonzalez38, I want to point out that my husband did continue to take all of his meds. He also had his beer or wine. For us it wasn't either one or the other. It was both medicines and the alcohol (in moderation.)
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PegofmyHeart What are the questions are the the same every night?
If you know what the questions are.... " what days is it?" write it on a board and make it his routine to look at the board for the answers.
My Mom always went to wash her hands and said where's the soap I showed her but she did not think it was soap because it was liquid. She didn't recognize it as soap. So I finally figured that out, and put a bar soap on the sink ...The End of that question.
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Over the past three years I know I have been very patient and helpful to my husband in every way that I can. Probably being the only caregiver hasn't helped my situation. His questions seem to revolve around why I don't want ice cream at night anymore...for example. I tell him I don't like ice cream anymore. Why? Well, it gives me a toothache. Why? I have senstive teeth. Ten minutes later. . .why don't you want ice cream anymore? I go thru the same answers. I don't elaborate; quick to the point. . .but the same question pops up again and again. Why did you put five razors in my shower.. . .I didn't. Let me look. . .yes, there were five there! Oh, I have no idea, but I put them all back in the drawer except one. Why were five there? See my point? It's really not a matter of anything except how to deal with my emotions. . .and, guess this is a safe place to let out a little steam. I also remove myself from the room if need be - even if it is a trip to the bathroom and some cold water on my wrists. Staying away from the kitchen and all the food that was once a comfort, but put on the pounds! Suppose I have answered my own question here. . .remove myself from the situation - if for only a moment or two to calm down. People tell me how loving and patient I am, but they don't see the lonliness of the nighttime!
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It sounds like you are doing a great job, PegofmyHeart. Vent away!
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