Caregiving ended, lonely.

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i s'pose caring for mother must have became my purpose in life. of course near the end of life the level of care escalated greatly. i can do whatever i want whenever now but ive never been self indulgent. i like doing things for other people. my dreams and projects have fired back up with a renewed vigor but theres noone to share with but the frog who hangs out in the bathroom eating flies. i should tell him that a couple snakes live here but then id be tampering with natures delicate balance.
got my new stove finished. if anybody is interested in a cremation for 75 bucks let me know.

13 Comments

Oh captain that is sad. Have you ever considered a dog? My cat talks to me and I don't care if that sounds nuts but he GETS ME! At least you have still got your sense of humour which is what makes us cope with the kak in life! Chin up!
Captain, I think you should write a book for male caregivers. I think you have a unique perspective that men would really appreciate. You're certainly a favorite on here where it's mostly women, so women get you too. Your wise and funny outlook on caregiving would be welcomed by many.
my caring experience was emotional, phsycological in nature. so carer and caree almost become of one mindset. one very scary turbulent mindset. either way im without my domestic partner and there is a huge void in my day to day life.
Captain I remember the days you had with your mom. I'm sorry for your loss. I too feel a void. As hard as the journey was...its the emptiness we feel after they are gone that is excruciating. It's been almost a year for me when things started to go sour with mom. October I remember was when things when fast and furious. It came to an end in January. Dementia is a horrible disease.
All I can say is try and keep yourself busy. Do what you like to do . We focused on the caregiving roles of our parent for so long...its now time to focus on what makes us happy. I'm still trying to find my way....looking for work, activities to keep me busy. I hope you can too. Good luck and God bless.
The way I look at it, Cap, is when you've been a care giver for sometimes years on end you really can become very wrapped up in that role, and it's hard to see beyond it. Then when the elderly person passes, everything is suddenly really still and quiet. Now what?

I think care givers whose Journey has ended need a lot of time to heal. Their minds, their spirits, their bodies. My journey hasn't ended, but I know how exhausted I really am right now. I can't even begin to imagine having a relationship for a long time after my mom passes. I need time alone, to heal from all this. It's like going through a war and coming out on the other side battered, but alive, when it's all over...

I imagine myself driving down to Myrtle Beach, SC when my mom passes, and just spending a few days doing no more than staring at and listening to the waves. I imagine going fishing, all alone. I would dearly love to get another horse. I've been riding since I was 7 years old. I miss it like you wouldn't believe. There's nothing like it. Just you and that magnificent beast, and nature. Ahhhh... I know I'm going to have to ease into life, recover from all these care giving years, all that stress... People don't heal from this experience overnight, at least, I don't think so... God, even a day spent reading at the park seems soothing to me right now... I'd like to get my fresh water fish tanks set up again. I'd like to further my education. But first...healing. And solitude. It is lonely, but sometimes I think it's necessary to have some period of time for reflection. We've been in shells for a long time, a lot of times all alone...I know it's personally going to take some time before I'm recovered enough to have that urge to socialize much in RL. At least we have each other here, and I value that highly, and always will. One day, Cap, you'll get that intense urge to...do something...get out there...find a woman to share your life again if that's something you'd want...you sound like a great guy to me, the type of compassionate individual most women are looking for...time, it just takes time...
Cap there are woman out there who would eat you up with a spoon. Your warm, caring, down to earth, intelligence is rare and wonderful. Volunteer at your local hospice for respite care. You will meet many women who will appreciate you. Mentor some poor fatherless boy, and instill the ethics, morals, and courage that you possess in abundance. . Take those talents and thrive. With the internet you can find the perfect woman for you. I wish you all the health and happiness God possesses.
Captain,
I lost my mom little over 2 months ago, I quit my job as a CNA a few years ago to take care of her and I thought id share with you the idea that maybe you might consider becoming a CNA, you obviously have the skills now im sure, you said you like helping others and believe me it may not be the best paying job out there but it definitely a rewarding job. If you want to go home each day knowing that youve made a seriously positive impact in someones life then its a great job. From what im reading that others are posting it really sounds like this would be a job that might fit you nicely. No there isnt alot of male caregivers or nurses out there, but I always looked at that as a perk, while all my friends went off to work with a bunch of sweaty guys, I got to go to work and be around mostly female nurses and cna's win win.. lol.. seriously though I hope to get back into it soon, if i can get my feet back under me and find some drive inside of me somewhere, just kind of living moment to moment day to day still right now, I understand greatly I think how you are feeling because your description of how youre feeling could easily have been mine ( If I was able to write as creatively as that is...haha) Anyways thought id throw the cna thought out there for ya to think about.
Peace
At first I thought Sinkingfast was all wet, because the Captain isn't good at following rules he doesn't respect. But I can see him with a private client or two.

Another possibility would be the grieving widow from the cremation services!
i haveta lay stone. its a control issue making a 55 billion year old stone see daylight for the first time. i shant forget one bi*ch from hospice asking me if i thought i was doing a good job. " yes i do, i responded" i always wondered if she noticed that i didnt ask her opinion of how i was doing. didnt care what the booklearned sap thought. subtle defiance, its a knack. lol bird loved me for my cooking, mom liked my spine.. finally told doc that hospice was forgetting that they were guests in our home and our next step would be to send em packing. he promised to get in some hospice ass and its quite clear that he did. aps said i was by law responsible for that household and i took it quite literally. still miss mom, we were the same brand of crazy.
told nurse nancy one time that i thought she was doing a good job. why thank you, she beemed. i said i didnt say i liked you, just that your doing a good job. then i took a dropper full of morphine and watched some alice cooper for a couple hours. they aint giving my mom shit if i havent tried and approved it. lol

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