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You know how woman "forget" how bad labor pain is, like we are programmed to, so that life can go on? Well it's day 5 of Mom being home and it feels like I'm in labor!!!!

It's been a tough week and I am sick, which sure doesn't help. We had a long hard night in the ER last night and I am thinking......WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! Oh well.....life goes on.

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Only 9:30 here and mom is still pacing.... so, I guess I can be a PITA :) You'd better take care of yourself!... you've no idea how many times a day I remind myself of what happened to you.

There wasn't nothing in the text, just a pic of mom and I.
Please check in a bit more often.
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The original point of my post was about how women are hard wired to forget the pain of labor or else no one would ever get pregnant again.With four months respite I had forgotten many of the annoyances, physical chores and stressors of care giving. My Mom has been show timing for ME and I honestly thought she was better since she was not smoking anymore. As we get back into our routine, all those things are in the forefront of my mind again. Our trip to the ER due to a UTI and the behavior that tipped me off to it, brought it back fast.
I'm glad my comparison sparked so many different points of view!
I will try hard to always remember to take care of myself as well as my Mom. I will also always try to remember that we don't always appreciate what we have until it's gone. It's very late here, and I'm a little out of it from my cold meds, so I hope I am making sense.
Got the pic J but lost the text when I pushed the wrong button in the dark. Miss and love you. We will chat tomorrow. Night all!
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You are a very intelligent man, cmagnum. What is my operative word? Man. Child birth is indeed very painful. Such pain usually goes away with joy in a matter of minutes.

Maybe glum was the wrong description.... I feel negative. Very very negative. Not towards my mother, just towards others out there.
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The reason that I wrote labor in caregiving anticipates a new life beyond life on earth is because I believe there is more to our life as human beings that just being born here as a baby and dying as well as being buried here most often as an older person.

Thus, I don't see the sting of death as having the final word and thus can face the death of a loved one and myself with hope. Otherwise, all I'm left with is fatalism if the only hope I have is in this life and world.
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No need to feel sorry about feeling so GLUM. That's is how you feel and that is ok. No need to apologize for expressing how you are feeling. Take care.
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You cannot lessen the pain of caregiving, just numb it with those meds. I do wonder what's worse though, feeling the pain or just being numb to it all.

Childbirth gives you life/joy and hope, caregiving gives inevitable death.

I am so GLUM! Sorry!!

Welcome back love!
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I'd rather have quadruplets than do this again.
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I remember both times that my wife went into labor and my being there with her right through the whole birth experience.

The first time, her mother intruded into the situation with unsolicited and unwanted advice right at transition. In the morning, her mother really stole her joy as a young mother with her cruel comments about having a flat tummy after giving birth to twins.

Well, in caregiving as in labor you can run into people who intrusively offer their unsolicited and unwanted advice right at the very worse time. And following labor as in caregiving, some people can be painfully judgmental.

The experience with the second child was different. Her labor kept trying to kick in far too early. When it was safe to go into labor full speed ahead, it was determined that a c-section was needed because our son was too big. BTW, we did not have her mother or father around during this labor and birth experience in light of what happened earlier plus other ugly things her mom did following the birth of the first child.


Well just like not all labor experiences are exactly the same, neither are all caregiving experiences. Just like in labor sometimes the unexpected is called for in giving birth, likewise in caregiving sometimes the means of delivering caregiving for the person being cared for changes from what we planned to what we really need to a have happen for everyone's well being. Similarly, in some labor and birth circumstances there is a need for boundaries, in caregiving there is a need for boundaries.

That's about all the comparison that I can see from my observations of mywif'e's experiences of labor with each child.

Other than that, I'll conclude with this.

Labor in childbirth is extremely short compared to the labor in caregiving.

Labor in childbirth anticipates a new life.

Labor in caregiving anticipates a new life beyond life on earth.

The pain of labor in childbirth is sometimes lessened by medical means.

The pain of caregiving is sometimes lessened by medical means. Caregivers sometimes needs antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds.
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Patrice,
What you just said........... which I've heard from many before you......... and feel myself about loved ones I have already lost........ Says it all. What did Joni Mitchell say? They paved paradise... Thank you for posting just what I needed to be reminded of right now. See? THAT'S why I love this safe place.
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my mother died with copd , massive tumor on her kidney , heart failure , fatty liver , and end stage dementia . her body just started shutting down . 65 yrs of diabetes had ravaged all her organs .
in hindsight she died from old age and poor health . when her digestive system ceased its rumbling she had only 3 or so days to live , two of those k - o 'd on morphine / ativan .
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I know that both things were hard as I was going thru them but sitting here now I remember more of the good times with my mom then the bad. Wish I had her back 😢
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What did your mother pass from?
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its enough to choke the life out of you . when caregiving gets intense enough , you cease to live . i dont regret my time with my mother at end of life at all but i havent forgotten the muscle hammering in the back of my neck , the paranoia and sleepless nights either .
i didnt have a bedfast parent or incontinence to cope with , just a steaming case of bipolar , schitzoaffective disorder , OCD and terminal dementia .
bent my head to its limits ..
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Im glad your doing better, please continue to care for you too!
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That is so sweet of you to say Baba! I do have LOTS of help this go around. I have aides coming in, I am seeing a therapist once a week, the NH has a once a month support group that I will be attending....and most importantly...I have YOU all! Mom is very happy to be home and when Mom is happy, I am happy. It's all good!
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Boni, please take care of yourself. We love and value you here. Your mom CAN get care from others, that's been demonstrated. Please value your health as much as we value you!
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Not complaining, just trying to keep my humor is all.
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