Caregiving compared to childbirth.

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You know how woman "forget" how bad labor pain is, like we are programmed to, so that life can go on? Well it's day 5 of Mom being home and it feels like I'm in labor!!!!

It's been a tough week and I am sick, which sure doesn't help. We had a long hard night in the ER last night and I am thinking......WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! Oh well.....life goes on.

17 Comments

Not complaining, just trying to keep my humor is all.
Boni, please take care of yourself. We love and value you here. Your mom CAN get care from others, that's been demonstrated. Please value your health as much as we value you!
That is so sweet of you to say Baba! I do have LOTS of help this go around. I have aides coming in, I am seeing a therapist once a week, the NH has a once a month support group that I will be attending....and most importantly...I have YOU all! Mom is very happy to be home and when Mom is happy, I am happy. It's all good!
Im glad your doing better, please continue to care for you too!
its enough to choke the life out of you . when caregiving gets intense enough , you cease to live . i dont regret my time with my mother at end of life at all but i havent forgotten the muscle hammering in the back of my neck , the paranoia and sleepless nights either .
i didnt have a bedfast parent or incontinence to cope with , just a steaming case of bipolar , schitzoaffective disorder , OCD and terminal dementia .
bent my head to its limits ..
What did your mother pass from?
I know that both things were hard as I was going thru them but sitting here now I remember more of the good times with my mom then the bad. Wish I had her back 😢
my mother died with copd , massive tumor on her kidney , heart failure , fatty liver , and end stage dementia . her body just started shutting down . 65 yrs of diabetes had ravaged all her organs .
in hindsight she died from old age and poor health . when her digestive system ceased its rumbling she had only 3 or so days to live , two of those k - o 'd on morphine / ativan .
Patrice,
What you just said........... which I've heard from many before you......... and feel myself about loved ones I have already lost........ Says it all. What did Joni Mitchell say? They paved paradise... Thank you for posting just what I needed to be reminded of right now. See? THAT'S why I love this safe place.
I remember both times that my wife went into labor and my being there with her right through the whole birth experience.

The first time, her mother intruded into the situation with unsolicited and unwanted advice right at transition. In the morning, her mother really stole her joy as a young mother with her cruel comments about having a flat tummy after giving birth to twins.

Well, in caregiving as in labor you can run into people who intrusively offer their unsolicited and unwanted advice right at the very worse time. And following labor as in caregiving, some people can be painfully judgmental.

The experience with the second child was different. Her labor kept trying to kick in far too early. When it was safe to go into labor full speed ahead, it was determined that a c-section was needed because our son was too big. BTW, we did not have her mother or father around during this labor and birth experience in light of what happened earlier plus other ugly things her mom did following the birth of the first child.


Well just like not all labor experiences are exactly the same, neither are all caregiving experiences. Just like in labor sometimes the unexpected is called for in giving birth, likewise in caregiving sometimes the means of delivering caregiving for the person being cared for changes from what we planned to what we really need to a have happen for everyone's well being. Similarly, in some labor and birth circumstances there is a need for boundaries, in caregiving there is a need for boundaries.

That's about all the comparison that I can see from my observations of mywif'e's experiences of labor with each child.

Other than that, I'll conclude with this.

Labor in childbirth is extremely short compared to the labor in caregiving.

Labor in childbirth anticipates a new life.

Labor in caregiving anticipates a new life beyond life on earth.

The pain of labor in childbirth is sometimes lessened by medical means.

The pain of caregiving is sometimes lessened by medical means. Caregivers sometimes needs antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds.

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