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I posted a few days ago asking for suggestions about how to approach family members as I am a paid caregiver. Yes, I get to go to my own home at night, but I still have issues with being exhausted,stressed,ect.On top of that I have the added pressure of having the family to answer to. My issues are as important as anyone else.. But, like i said, I figured it out. I will confer with her husband who is 84, not in very good health himself, but is still very sharp and able to make decisions. If he says,"I don't know" or "I don't care", I will make reasonabe choices based on common sense and thier welfare and discuss it with him again. You would think as many people as there is on this sight, someone would give me some insight from the families point of view. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Lindam, hi medicalman just wanted to tell ya that maybe just take time for you for a week you know a vacation if you feel it is work related if it is family related maybe talk to who is closest to you for some resolve on matters. Do not be offended about what I am going to say but this is really for family caregivers not us that do it professionally and discussing it from a paid point of view might be offensive to some, not that you are doing it intentionally and mean any thing by it but I help take care of my mom personally as a family care giver not paid so I can relate to the worry and frustrations as a family care giver on issues but I also do it as a living to and because some take it we are paid care givers it is taken differently as if complaining about being a professional care givers or complaining about the ones paying us. I hope you understand where I am coming from because I do not want you to feel bad, just meaning it to help you. I do often bring in my paid care giver side to things in my comments but just to say I understand both sides and being a paid care giver is a little different - not that one can not understand things from a paid care giver point of view. we have to be sensitive on how others on here may feel about that as I have read from some others comments about me saying things from the paid care giver side and I understand what they are feeling about that and it is about helping one another from a personal family care giver views. I also want to be sensitive to you about what I am saying and do not want you to get mad because I know what your meaning so please forgive me if you will. As far as what you are saying sounds as if you are stressed some what personally maybe with who you are working for so I am not really sure what exactly your asking for help on but if you are asking what to do about your work situation like not getting any time off maybe taking some time off is needed for you as others have maybe suggested and hopefully the family will understand you need a break - am I kind of understanding what your saying? Maybe not getting along with a particular family member for some reason? Well just wanted to try to help ya some if I could and hope you are OK with me trying to help you with the paid care giver situation on here.
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Dear sunshine caregiver thank you for the kind words. I am one who takes caring for people to heart in my care giving to help others paid or not so I just want you to know I care either way, because I also have a sick relative - my mother and I can say I understand from both sides personally and professionally which is a good thing because it helps me relate from both points of view. I really do not have a lot to vent about with things becuase either way God leads my ship and I realize it all depends on how one believes. Also believe it or nor I believe you can learn from any one a family member or another care professional or just any one. It is not about me being a professional care giver - it is about people, I just so happen to understand from both angles on matters and yea I like to offer help here if any one cares to listen, even if I put in from a professional point of view it doed not mean others do not wnat to hear it. I enjoy this and I learn from reading, after all let me say it does not matter if you are a professional care giver or family care giver we are dealing with a lot of the same issues and people to care to hear. I am not sure why you say burn out because I am not burned out, I just say you have to take breaks and it does not matter what side of the coin your on simply because you "can not" pay some one to care. One thing I will say personally is I admire your love for your mom and taking you a little break here and there is OK for you to do for your well being - that is all I was saying. You most certainly have my respect for what you do and I wish every one cared for their parents like you express with your mom, so my compliments to you. See this comes from a personal side, not professionally. I will also say I do not give what is called professional advice because that is not what I do. I just so happen to work in the health care field and just understand things from both sides and care about people. Some times I share what I see people go through because I can relate and yes I do feel that helps me be more sensitive and understanding to others. I do not want any one mad at me for just caring or offer what little I may be able to offer. After all we are all human and feel in our hearts!
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It's true, unfortunately, that many experts don't know the drill from our point of view. We have to be the advocate, and this site is turning into a powerful tool. It's the best site I've ever been involved with. Thanks for all of your contributions, too, Cat. We have so many who are giving from what they've learned in the trenches.

When I first tried to get my book published, I was told I didn't have the "credentials." I thought, "Twenty years and seven elders and I don't have credentials!" Caregivers have credentials that no one else can offer. That's why support from those who've been there helps.

Carol
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Thanks for your kind words Carol. I agree wholeheartedly with you on quality time... the offer of advice & tips for getting approved for a PT/INR device stills stands.

I think if all of us caregivers share tips for how they accomplished something or got the system to work FOR us we would have a pretty powerful resource.
I trust the people on this network more than I would any salesperson or sorry to say, many experts & social workers who tell but haven't been there done that like you - who wrote the book & all of us who learn & benefit from your insight and wisdom. And each of us as we learn something to share too. It makes me feel good & empowered to share / teach rather than just vent.

I know that if I knew then what I learned along the way, I would have had 6 months of free time for my mom (which matters because we never get time back)

Happy Holidays
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Great news, Cat. Thanks for keeping us all informed. Anytime you can go out with your mom, and not have it be for a doctor appointment, you've won! Those doctor visits are so exhausting, and then no one has time for fun things.

Keep us posted,
Carol
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Hi everyone,
thought I would give you an update on the portable PT/INR meter for inhome testing. After 7 months we finally had the unit delivered to the house by a trainer. It was worth all of the research and battle to get the device - now my mom no longer needs to go up to 3 x week to her doctor's office for a needle-stick test. I am posting this because anyone who is a caregiver for someone with either a mechanical heart-valve or A-fib qualifies under Medicare, a Medicare-HMO/PPO or state Medi-Medi programs. It is a real lifesaver for both my mom & me - and her doctor is thrilled that it will keep compliance while giving her a better quality of life. Finally more time to go out without it being tacked on to a doctor visit.

If anyone has applied for one, or cares for a family member on anti-coag medications like coumadin or warfarin & wants more information just post & I will share what I learned and how to get it approved & delivered.
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I can only offer insights into the other side of the coin here. You wanted to know how to approach the family members right? I guess asking the right questions about what is working for the patients you care for and getting feedback from those patients would be helpful. I cannot imagine how you do what you do what you do.
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Backatcha, 195Austin!
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Thank you all so much for your encouragment I really don't know how most of you can be so giving when your lives are so difficult, bless you all.
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Cat You are the one who first welcomed me to this sight. Everytime I get upset and take things personal you are there to reassure me it's ok, Im ok, they are ok, and take a deep breath and regroup. I know you have your own load to carry and where you get the energy to help us is a God given grace of character. So thank you for all you do for me and others in this life, not just on this sight. God Bless We are here for you also.......
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right you are Carol. it is important for all of us posters to get recognized occasionally. I know after a week of taking care of everybody else, I too enjoy the occasional compliment.
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I want to take this time to thank everyone on this site for making me so welcome and not alone. You all have shared and insight in more ways than you will ever know. I am taking baby steps to get past my feelings of anger towards my sibilings, because this place helped me open my eyes. I know one day the past will be a distant memory. One day at a time. Thank you everyone. Kim
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Thank you for your kind words, MindingourElders. I am enjoying everyone's collective wisdom here at Agingcare.com. It is simply amazing how much all of us caregivers have in common regardless of the diagnosis and/or geographic location, the date and/or the year! There are certainly strong caregiver themes that leap off the page. Regards....
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It's great to have caregiversunshine getting so active on this site. I've known her through blogs and note exchanges for quite awhile. This is a woman who does what she believes and has a great attitude, so she'll be a wonderful asset to our discussions.

Carol
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Lindam
Thank you. As I said you probably will be able to give us all insight which will be helpful and this is the place to vent our feelings. Cat has peeled many of us off the wall in the past and I have learned from her to think before I speak which I need to do also with the husband and I am glad we are able to take each other to task when needed that is what friends do who care about each other. I have to run to my vol. job-we sew cancer pads and mostly talk and laugh a lot,
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pkpurs, From one caregiver to another, there is never a need to apologize because we understand each other and what that frustration is all about. Funny that you should mention that you have no training for your caregiving role and its many twists and turns. I just finished my private prayer and devotion time and read something about how in life we become who we are because of the "little oddities" that life throws at us from day to day that we would never have expected and could not have planned for even if we tried! In my own opinion, there is a lot of good that comes out of the caregiving experience. Caregivers live strong and learn how to persevere, how to flex, and if we are lucky, we learn to take deep breaths. As a caregiver, I have learned that there is tremendous strength in vulnerability. Screaming is ok
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I apolizize for any of my comments that may have hurt anyones feelings!! I read what Medicalman said and was kinda upset about him saying women are better suited for caregiving than men and I think that is BS. I was on a roll and wrote some things I probably shouldn't have. My pc knocked me off and I hope it did it before I got it sent!! I don't usaually get involved because this site is here to vent. I have done so in the past. I care for my mom 24/7 (late stages of Alzhiemers) and sometimes I just want to scream!! If I could sleep around the clock, I would. My life does not exist antmore. Family and friends don't come over because "they don't know how to act around her" I do????? Every minute is new so ya really don't know how to react. I didn't have any training for this. I had no choice. I tell myself that God doesn't give ya more than you can handle but...........anyway ya gotta laugh............
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Yes, indeed. Our eyes can only see so far into the fog, but we must press on, anyway. I'm so glad to have your here with these great people. You will help many besides yourself.

Blessings to you,
Carol
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Thank you MOE, I appreciate your encouragement and support. As I told 195Austin, I am sorry also , as my*knee jerk reactions* are sort of running me right now. I do appreciate the openness and honesty from fellow caregivers and Cat has peeled me off the walls a couple of times!!!!!! with support and care and kind words. So onward thru the fog ladies. God Bless
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195Austin Please accept my apology also, as I am finding myself doing alot of *knee jerk reactions*. But this is what this sight is for, to say what's on our minds and then take what we need and leave the rest. I apologize for spewing before I thought things thru. I care about you and others on this sight, and we will move forward from here. Thanks, and God Bless
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Lindam I am so sorry that I said something that sounded mean I really did not intend to do that to you- I was a nurse for many years and at times I did hate my job not the people I cared for but the policts of management and such. Please accept my appology, I do care for you and all the caregivers on this site and I look forward to hearing from you and know that you can be helped to most of us-I hope we can be friends,please forgive me if you can,
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The problem with all written words - with people not seeing facial and body expression, is sometimes things aren't understood the way they are meant, or a question isn't answered in the way we expect. Email is notorious for that.

As a professional writer, I have often been taken aback by comments that don't at all seem to reflect what I've written. I've also gotten angry (my column) comments from one person who only reads the first couple of paragraphs, and doesn't finish the column, so doesn't know I addressed the issue further down.

So, in defense of all of the great people on the site, these things happen. People here really do care. I've never before seen a site with such caring people.

I will apologize to everyone here in that my email system suddenly decided to block emails alerts from this site and I have no idea why. I've got that fixed, so hopefully I will get alerts when I should.

Meanwhile, thanks to you all for helping Lindam. And thanks to Cat for her caring response. I agree with what she said.

Lindam, you are in a particularly hard spot as you are paid, so people think you don't need help, and you should just do "your job." Does any other job last 24/7? Does another job keep you up all night wondering what is next? You are always on call, and no "real" job could require that. So you need relief as much as anyone else.

But family and friends don't get it. We - all caregivers, paid or not - live with that. People live in denial, if they can, about what caregivers do. They want to pretend all is taken care of and you are fine.

Please continue to stand up for yourself. Only you can do it, but know that we are all behind you.
Carol
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Cat Thanks for the soft words, and I apologize for taking some comments personal.I did own my own feelings but will keep in mind that we are all human and we are on this sight for a reason. I need to take what I need and leave the rest. Stomped my little foot there for a second didn't I? Thanks again. Hope you and yours are doing well.God Bless
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Well it looks as if everyone has their own perspective. I guess I will put my 2 cents in on this one.

Lindam, don't be concerned. You have been in the trenches caring for your dad & while shouldering the grief of his passing are a true professional who knows how to reach out to others for insight into how to solve care and communication issues for your client, whom you honor as you would your own relative. I believe that we are lucky to have you with us.

The lesson here that I get out of this is that no matter how clearly we think we stated our issue, someone else will read what we have written and intrepret it differently. But everyone means well and contributes to participate and help. That is the great thing about these boards, we can all share and learn - the board is cathartic so lets laugh, cry, vent, misunderstand, make up and do it all again with the knowledge that we all share a common bond and we can say what we think here. This is a safe place for all of us to say whatever. No harm no foul.

everyone take care
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lindam, as I said at the start of my post, I value your perspective from the other side of the table as the paid caregiver that you are. I have not said, suggested, much less thought that a paid caregiver does not "have a right to be here." I shared, just as you have, how I view a paid caregiver's role, which, if I were paying for Mom's care, would be how I would view it
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At one time or another we will be faced with taking care of a loved one, and many us will have a roller coaster of emotions. It can be very difficult to take care of a loved one, frustrating, others who are going about their life (siblings or other family members), and you feel like your all by yourself, your life is no longer yours, you experience the persons pain. Now that our parents estate is being closed out since loosing my Dad (who I was his caregiver), it has been a struggle, really haven't had time to grieve, cause of all the things that need to be done yet. Caregivers regardless of if they get paid, or drafted into it, have huge responsibilities we have cared for people or family that have touched our lives in one way or another.
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sunshinecaregiver............I get alot of payoffs at my work. Seeing my client make progress, be more independant, If I was simply in this to make money I would be in for a big letdown. I feel there are many who have welcomed me to this sight and I will continue to post. Why dont some of you ask a few questions instead of assume you know whats best for ME. I was asking about what would be best for my CLIENT.I am feeling very hostile right now and will take responsibility for my own feelings.As I said, I will continue to post and I have as much right to be here as you do.
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I never said I hated My job.....I said I needed feedback on how to approach faimily members. I was given a great suggestion by Cat, followed thru, and things are much better. Im sorry some of you did not understand my question, and are assuming the worst. If you had read any of my posts, you would see that I also have something to offer this sight, and have said on many occasions how much respect I have for nonpaid caregivers.I took care of my father the last 8 years of his life. Does that make me MORE qualified to post on this sight????
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Lindam
Maybe you need to cut back on your hrs. at this job or if working for an agency you could get another client-if you hate your job it is not good for you or the pt. you are caring for or maybe the family could have a voleener come in for a few hrs, to give you a break or maybe they are expecting too much from you why don't you write down your duties and how much time each requires and give it to the family they may be unaware of all you do durning the time you are there. This is only a suggestion from a family caregiver.
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Thanks, Kim. My Mom and Dad were not paid to rear me. I could never accept monetary payment to care for either Dad if he were still alive, or Mom who is now 83 and in declining health. It is my caregiving responsibility by free choice, and I don't worry about whether other siblings wish to chip in, or not. As I see it, caregiving is a choice
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