So many of us out there carrying the same burdens.

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Before I joined this forum it was, "woe is me, woe is me, nobody understands, am I the only one out there doing this?" Gosh, how wrong I was. God led me to join this forum, before I was just reading it for about 6 months. Now I know that there are millions of women out there with the same burdens, not all exactly the same, but still the same baseline problems. I thank my Lord for all of you wonderful ladies who help me, give me advice, comfort, love and compassion. One of my daily pleasures is logging on to this forum, not just to see if anyone answered my questions, but to read and "hear" from all of you. Thank you so very much my ladies and God bless you all!!


I just posted on the Grossed Out thread. We are all trapped with the same problems. I guess misery loves company. I get real support here, and I feel like I am not alone. Rena
I feel exactly the same. It has been a blessing to find such a group, all of one our loved ones the best care possible.

It is a job none of us wanted but somehow we have all stepped up and done what was necessary to the best of our ability with love and compassion.

You have all enriched my life so much! God bless!
I really haven't offered any advice to help anyone but I appreciate the support I have received from several of you. I didn't write my whole story all at once. I have adde to it as I have felt more comfortable putting my business out in the open. I thank you all for your responses and I hope that God blesses all of you and helps you with your own needs. You are ALL very special to me.
When I started out as a caregiver to my father 7 years ago I had now idea how burdensome this endeavour would end-up becoming. During the first 4 years I held a FT job as a programmer. Then I was laid off and have since fallen back on SSD. I'm deaf and have a terrible balance problem. My father would have had to have gone into a nursing home had I not opted not to go back to work.

I have 3 older sisters. The nearest is some 600 miles away. Only one has ever come to visit him and spreads her visits to every 3-4 years. My mother died over 20 years ago. He has no friends to speak of as well. Never really did.

Growing up he seemed to go out of his way to be the nastiest demeaning controlling parent that ever existed. I was afraid of him when I was young and disdained all that he was as I grew older. I personally drank for 20 years for the lack of acceptance for who I was as a person. 15 years ago I grew out of that habit
and have since blossomed into a much better person.

So why am I here taking care of an incontinent 87 year old father who has dementia? It's certainly not for the inheritance. There is none!

I am more like my mother than I give myself credit for. Yes, I love my father dearly because he is my father ... but don't get me wrong ... I do not like him. I believe I ended up with this job because of sense of "duty". I often pray to God to grant me the compassion and patience needed to cope and of which I believe I am blessed with time after time. Why, if it weren't for me I truly think he would have no one. And that I believe is as sad as you can get.

During this time I have learned so much from "Showtimers" to "Sundowners", and the many other aspects of dementia and getting old. The experiences and problems people face as caregivers and the everyday lives of our elders. And from this very forum which has shone me at many times "things could be worse"! LOL I read more than I post. I already knew I wasn't alone in this but it's just reassuring to actually hear it. Thank you one and all for sharing.

And one last note before I step off my box and that goes out to lefaucon who started this thread. You give credit to other "women" and thank and bless the "ladies" here. Keep in mind there are plenty of men like myself who burden themselves with the same task of taking care of an ever aging parent.
Don' forget the men !! I have been taking care of my mom, who has alzheimer's dementia, for almost four years.
After spending the day with my mother-in-law, repeating myself for the hundredth time, watching every single step she takes so she won't trip (and that's WITH the walker) and then reminding her for the hundredth time what we're doing and where we're going AGAIN, to come on this website and find out that I need to buck up and be happy, is a breath of fresh air. (sigh)... ♥
To all you beautiful men out there,
I forgot to tell all of you men a story:
Sis and brother in law has a male friend who works a FT job and takes his Mom to day care during the day, then picks her up in the evening to take care of her--5 days a week, and cares for all days on sat and sun. One day, sis said he said that he just couldn't take it any more and went out back and screamed his lungs out so loud that the neighbors called the cops. The cops came and checked out the situation and then knew that it was just stress. They thought it was elder abuse. It wasn't, its just that that poor guy was so stressed out.
So lots of love to all of you great men out there who have stepped up. You guys are few and far between and I did not mean to exclude you at all! God Bless all of you!
I made a decision and it's removed the huge burden I've been carrying since my husband got dementia. I finally called the local family hospice. Dear friends, they are wonderful. My husband is in a nursing facility. Hospice will pick up all the expenses, have skillled people in to visit him . They have pet therapy, music therapy, etc. to help my husband. Check it out. Quit feeling alone and at a loss. Love you all and sending hugs. Chonie
Corinne so glad you were able to find help.
Thanks, Littletonway. Please everyone, call a hospice and make use of their help and knowledge. Hospice patients are covered by Medicare 100%. You can use them in your home or a nursing facility, as I'm doing. Your loved one does not have to be at death's door. They will send a nurse to evaluate the need. Hospice covers people who will eventually pass away from their disease...such as dementia. I do no want my husband to suffer. They will keep him comfortable. Before Paul got ill, I volunteered for Hospice. They are caring and will give you much support. God bless you all. Yes, of course I am still hurting and crying; but I feel I have an ally in caring for Paul. Sending many hugs to you. Corinne

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