Judging others.

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I am still a little steamed about a reply from ferris 1 about my "busy" work order question. Look nobody is perfect.A lot of us are taking care of people that were not very nice to us and yet we are taking care of them. You know what, sometimes I don't care what she wants.There are days I can't stand the sound or sight of her.I am not proud of this ,yet this is how I feel. What is great about this site is it give a safe place to let out these thoughts. I was using up so much energy feeling guilty because I wasn't just feeling all hugs and kisses all the time with my mother.Yes I know that a lot of the behavior from these older folks is from fear,anxiety but you know sometimes nasty people get older and it doesn't all of a sudden turn them into nice people.Sometimes villains do get older.

21 Comments

Well said Tex...... and I appreciate your honesty..... where else can you put those feelings, other than on here???? Nowhere that I know of... it takes courage to put yourself out there to say how you REALLY feel.... sorry if you feel judged..... it's ok, it really is..... if someone called you a CHAIR, it doesn't make you a CHAIR..... it just means someone sees it differently than you..... take what you need here and leave the rest..... you have a right to come here an say how you feel.... but it being a public forum, well, others are going to share how they see it.... it's ok..... doesn't mean either of you are wrong.... just means we have to agree to disagree sometimes......

On occasion I have been slammed from one end to the other by people here who don't like me...... OH WELL...... it's their right.... but I will continue to put myself out here.... cause this is where I need to be.... and as one caregiver to another... I truly do appreciate your honesty... it is feelings, not right or wrong.... just feelings...... so put your big girl panties on, let it go... and continue to be who you are..... sending you hugs...
I so agree! Often when I read a rant from someone, it is as if they are speaking my mind and my experience. I am always glad to know that I am not alone in my journey. Some of us have nice sweet cooperative relatives who are a joy to care for and others not so much. Keep speaking your mind and know when you do so there is someone out here reading what you wrote and saying...I feel the exact same way.
I agree this the place to vent if you need to. Sometimes people make what seem like insensitive comments to us, but it's from their perspective, not ours. And some people are more "cut and dried" than empathetic. We all know that styles of caregiving and points of view are not one size fits all. I think overall, everyone puts their 2 cents in because they do care, but occasionally they are way off base without even realizing it. It happens - I hope you are feeling a little better after letting off your steam. We are here for you!
Ha just got a post sent to me by ferris telling me that she has more helpful answers them me? Is this a competition site? How many do we have to score to win the prize?? whats the prize? a years supply of carers to come into your home and care for your mum while you holiday in the Bahamas!! Funny I thought this was a site for very hard working carers to vent and get advice from other carers and give support not a kinderkarten for how many gold stars did you get today!! How childish!
Ferris 1 has a tendency to piss off alot of people on this site. I like your answer to her on your other post about busy work. You have every right to vent and express yourself on this site without criticism from a "holier than thou, we owe our parents" venomous spewing person. It is not easy being a caregiver under the best of circumstances. Add a difficult parent into the situation then it is impossible. I also have been negatively slammed by others especially the agingcare.com creeper you mentioned.
Ferris 1 is opinionated...you know your parent better than anyone! I hope venting has made you feel better. While my situation is different than yours I too sometimes wonder how I ended up being a caretaker for a parent I know loves me......but is negative and a downer and not much fun to be around sometimes....I'm nervous for what the future brings! I feel guilty that I want to look for assisted living centers soon because mom wants it her way all the time.....candy, sitting in a chair, TV, sleeping in, TV, cookies, did I mention TV? Come on mom, there's more to life than this! At least tonight she didn't complain about needing a shower and shampoo.....only because she knew I was upset that once again she missed out on an opportunity to be a part of something special going on in her granddaughter's life......sleeping in and watching TV were more important.....it's incredibly irritating. Mom's not that far along in her dementia to blame it entirely on that.......I've been dealing with this since my kids were born. Why I think she might change now is beyond me! She's controlling me!

Texarkana.....I get what you are saying on a different level. I don't feel my mom was there for me at different times in my life when I could have used her support but here I am being responsible and doing the right thing now for her when on some days I'd really like my life back.....my privacy, my freedom, my stress level down.....all of that! Sometimes I avoid my mother because I really don't want to hear about all the negative crap she watches on TV....who cares? I mean yes, it's okay to watch sometimes and I try to keep up with current events, but all the time? Not interested! Do a puzzle! Go outside and get some sun on your face! Pick up your cell phone and call someone on the phone who always has to call you if they want to hear from you.....ugh! Then she asks me how they are doing? What are they doing? I don't know mom, call and find out! I could go on and on but you get the idea! Dysfunctional with a capital "D"! There, I just vented and it was awesome! Vent all you want! I'll never judge!






Mmmmmmmm....just stop a minute, and think. Some people who are hurting have needs to reassure themselves that they are not wrong, that they are competent, and may not be sensitive enough to how it makes others feel when they focus on that instead of on really being helping or just pouring their true heart out online. Some people have a deep seated need for feeling perfect, and possibly have never really experienced being wrong, admitting it, and being forgiven.

I have been on a thread here where another person actually posted that people that have negative feelings as some of us have had are really not fit to be caregivers...that hurt and was really hard to deal with. But we dealt with it and tried to make the person see how that assertion did not even make any sense. And, as things went on, it became apparent that person was in counseling and all was not bliss in their situation either, and later on that person came back and posted from a different perspective.

It is hard right when you are feeling the pain of being attacked or put down, but do your best to stand up for yourself and others and even forgive the person as soon as you can. Most people here mean well, a very few seem pretty toxic, and once in a while a moderator steps in to cool things off and a few posts even get deleted. Don't worry about statistics and numbers, and turning this into a competition would be a terrible idea! Just give and receive as best you can.
Hugs to all doing this job and happier peaceful times ahead!xxx
Thanks for all the feedback.It's just that for the most part everybody on this site is accepting and helpful. When somebody starts to tell you how to feel,that is a red flag about that person.You feel what you feel,it's that simple.So when ferris 1 starts her cr--p just take it with a grain of salt.
Kazzaa, I read her post and your answer. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I am laughing because I find the number of helpful postings and medical background boasting by her to be outrageously juvenile. Your comment on it just cracked me up. This person seems to constantly creep all over this site looking for vunerable and hurting caregivers of parents with a sense of entitlement to be able to say anything she wants. Texarkana just ignore her and continue venting you have plenty of supporters on this site.

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