Caregivers and dysfunctional families.

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It really angers me when my controlling and manipulative sibling (one of the twins again) makes a decision about a change in Mom's care without ASKING ME. I get a call from the oldest TELLING me that the other twin is coming back (she can never make up her mind if she's in or out) to take care of Mom on Monday's. This one is disruptive in so many ways, brings her boyfriend (who does help with Mom) and her kid after school. Has Mom watching spanish television which she doesn't understand a word of, eats me out of house and home and freaking starts texting me at 2 p.m. about what time I'm going to be home when they know I work from 8-5 and work 45 minutes away from home and won't be home till 5:45 MAYBE and the latest at 6, unless there is a last minute crisis at the office or I have to get to the store.....ugh so I get the message from the oldest, and then we get in a conversation about what time everyone decides to get here or how much time they can spend with Mom that day and it makes me feel like they are saying "I don't want to spend the whole day or that much time with Mom" what is the question or statement going to be when she dies? Venting against or to I should say to the eldest ....maybe I need to go back to counseling....I'm very offended with this attitude of "if I have time, or one day I'll come and be a part of the group and the next day I have more important things to do." Bottom line is I don't get those choices....


If you are the main caregiver and have POA/DPOA why let them ruffle your feathers. You need to tell them what it is and if they want to visit fine but don't change mom's care. Keep it as it is. Who takes care of mom while you are at work? I am assuming you live with mom.
For Sharynmarie: I am the primary caregiver and no one has medical power of attorney. The middle child has power of attorney over all of her accounts. Yes I live with mom. My brother currently stays with her Monday and Tuesday days, middle sister Wednesdays, oldest thursdays, i have every night/weekend and all day Friday. I'd like to tell me to f off but i need them here to help take care of mom. Major drama over this crap over the weekend.
Fraulein~It is a hard situation. One person should manage the medicine issue. I hope you can resolve that for mom's benefit. My sis is primary DPOA but I do the caregiving since she is out of town, doesn't seem too interested in helping other than taking care of the financial end of things. Good luck and keep posting!!
Their care might not meet your expectations, but if you push them away permanently, will you be happier? Will your mom? Maybe you should accept the 'help' they are willing to give. I see many caregivers complaining because the family does not help at all. Sibling rivalry/dynamics has to play a part it in.I know it does in our family.

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