I am worn out and needing emotional support
My mother is 87 and I am 61 and I feel so fortunate to still have her with me. She has been through breast cancer 3 different times the last time was 5 years ago, when I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer and had a double mastectomy because of my Mom and her Moms history with the disease. Healthwise at this point she does pretty well but she does have some dementia and hearing loss and osteoarthritis which causes alot of pain for which she takes hydrocodone. I was unemployed after being a travel agent for many years and finally got a job at Walmart which is low paying and overnight stocking so heavy physical work. I have been worn out because of the work and overnight hours but it at least allowed me to be transferred down to the coast of South Carolina where I moved with my Mom in the Fall. I found a used mobile home and bought it and have it in a nice clean mobile home park less than 5 miles from the ocean. This was my goal for my final years to get back to the coast and I have done that. I just got offered a job in reservations at a resort near here which was another goal of mine.
I just get so worn out sometimes and yesterday I just crashed. This morning I am still tired. And then I get impatient. I have to repeat everything I say because of Mom's hearing problem and I try so hard to call her name and face her when I talk so she can hear me and then still I will have to repeat myself or I'll forget to do it because it is so unnatural and then I get impatient. She can't afford a hearing aid and I've tried hearing devices but she won't wear any of them. And if I don't have to repeat something because of the hearing problem I do because she forgets what I said. I'll tell her something one day and then have to repeat it the next. And because she is elderly too there are things she doesn't understand that I have to do or repeat telling her. Television is very important to her but if it goes out I need to be the one to call the cable provider because she will try then she doesn't understand what they say and I have to wind up doing it any way. Or the other night there was a small problem that I would have let go because I was so tired and done another time but she decided she would call and take care of it and at least this time she understood their instructions but this time they needed someone to get up and turn something off and she told me to do it even though I was so tired I could barely get up off the chair. It's things like that that wear me out and then I read about others whose parent have more severe health issues and I feel so guilty. It's like I just live feeling guilty and I get so worn out. Other things I do for Mom is take her to the Medicaid office to get it changed so they will pay her Medicare premiums down here and I need to help her understand that. I have no family support other than a cousin who lives in Texas whose mother is 99 so we can share stories from time to time. And Mom has a friend here who has Alzheimers with a daughter my age who deals with more severe issues in caregiving than I do. I have one brother who lives in another state and very minimal support there because he not only does not appreciate what I do he resents me and communication is almost nonexistent. The resentment and lack of support just make me feel worse. And financially he is doing much better than I and I see my mother struggle so on social security and I cannot help, he could he makes a good income but only helps her on occasion. I just wanted to post something on this forum so I'd be able to share with others going through this sort of thing and we could lean on each others shoulders. Thank you I just feel better getting some of this off of my chest.