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don't make promises you cant or wont keep ! the care giver is very aware You didn't follow through on your verbal / written deal ! even if they say nothing they know!! they are just waiting their time till a better jobs comes along !!

Don't expect caregiver to eat food that has been sitting in your cabinets / refrigerator for weeks / years and then act like its nothing.

Don't buy sh**y food and expect the caregiver to be ok with it, junk food and shotty food that is on the brink of expiring that u bought at the discount store wont do ! the C/G will throw it out behind your back cause its not eatable !!!!

dont wait weeks to buy groceries expecting the caregiver to buy their own food along with buying food for your loved one..... when u are trying to save your self money..... the caregiver will not by your loved one food when they have bills to pay instead, your loved one will go with out believe me I know!!

the care giver makes 6 meals a day with 3 or more snacks between meals for them and the loved one they are caring for .....it adds up !!

if you said you were going to give board / food as package deal do it !! don't try to bail out on it !! yes food is expensive but you cant expect the C/G to eat crap or do you ?

don't get paranoid when C/G is just browsing in ur cabinets / refrigerator to see what they can eat its ok dont be scared they are just looking !!

ONE OF THE MAIN BONES OF CONTENTION...> IS FOOD, WHEN IT COMES TO CARE GIVING !!!

Ill have insight later on other issues care givers and families seem to have problems with.

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Gypsy, I was not doubting your knowledge, just mentioning this is common,,, But saying that, I do feel you need to be more accepting of the person you are being paid to care for. It is thier house, after all...
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It's that 'good enough for who it's for' attitude that is so incredibly insulting, Gypsy. I feel for you, and I'm ashamed for people who can treat other people that way. Disgusting.
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and oh yea dont expect care giver to eat crap that's been sitting in your refrigerator for weeks !!! I wont give it to the person im caring for im afraid they get sick !!
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cwille yes i understand what your saying .... i eat mostly salads and some kind of cheese bread and yogurt.... Im not into fancy foods or starches ... so its not like I'm asking for gourmet food.just healthy !!

just dont buy meat that is aged with it all ready going dark inside of it or on the edge of it or milk that rots days later !! don't expect C/G to feed ur loved one that!!
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Pam yes I'm aware feeling cold is very common among seniors.

just thought i ask along with giving another idea of why iv ur loved one may feel cold but who am I. NO one.... just a care giver !!
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I guess it all depends on the relationship between the caregiver and the family. My mother's 4 day a week caregiver has a debit card and she does all of Mom's grocery shopping with it so if she doesn't like the food, she can only blame herself. I trust her and she has never abused that trust.

My 1 day a week caregiver brings her own food with her since she is gluten free and we are not.

But, the big way the relationship differs is that the main caregiver is like family to us and has run of our side of the house (but she respects our privacy and rarely enters) while the secondary caregiver is an employee and the door separating the two sides of the house is locked when she is there.

We don't give her bad food or treat her badly but we have different relationships with the two women.
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Nope, her health is fine for an 86 year old, just had bloodwork dne for annual. My BFFs 78 year old hubs is the same way, and both my ILs,, it's common for alot of elders...
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Pam could your loved one be iron deficient?
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Church mouse thank you for responding !!!

love the way you described the food your sister bought!!
sounds like your sister didn't want to pay out much money for your moms well being but thought it would make her look good in your mom and family eyes!!

(oh look i bought our mom groceries aren't I a good daughter!! ) syndrome!

One gig i had the daughter bought lots of food but food we never ate (it was disgusting old food that she bought on sale that the store wanted to get rid of.) or bought to much food that we didn't need and would rot....

she was stacking up on flyer miles!! her dad would write her out a check for cost and she got the flyer miles in process of it ! she had no idea I knew but i knew! her motivation !!
as months went by the family was concerned about the checks their dad was writing out for food .... my hands were tied i could not expose their sister for what she was doing !!!

basically daughter was scamming family and her dad to stack up on flyer miles!!

I have spoke to family about certain matters in a mild manner but they didnt get it !! old habits are hard to change

I have found care givers get little respect when voicing their opinion on anything !! they teat you as if ur uneducated and know nothing!!

i often wonder why they hired me due to the way they seem to treat me as if in useless im suppose to sit there and say nothing, just listen to them and then once they deiced to walk away im free to go lol

its as if im house slave for them !! with no life of my own
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i had to laugh about bundling up your cold elder.. my mom wears so many layers she looks like a snowman! And she has a big amish style heater by her seating area .. she's still cold...LOL We just dress lighter...
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There is no doubt that some people regard those in the service industry - nannies, cleaners, yard maintenance, caregivers, etc - as though they are lesser human beings, I have seen it myself. The thing is, pointing out their unequal behaviour to them will rarely get them to change because they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing.
Then there are the people who would happily live on expired food and bologna sandwiches and see no reason to change just because there is a caregiver eating there too. They aren't inclined to buy "luxuries" like fresh fruit and veg for themselves so they will certainly not buy them for hired help.
Being a live in helper is a very unique dynamic, you are physically living as part of the family yet you are not. Sometimes it runs the other way and the paid helper starts to feel entitled to be in control and that their opinions have greater weight than those of their employers. Sometimes everyone clicks and they actually become a valued honorary family member and friend. Sometimes it is better if you just move on instead of putting up with poor treatment.
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gypsyblu, you have a lot of anger from the little bit I read that you wrote. Maybe you're in the wrong field.
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G, I'm just curious - I share your rant feelings :) But have you expressed them to the culprits?

My sister once "brought lunch" when she and my brothers descended on our home for a summit conference (read: concerted attack on me, it was a fun day). On her way over, she had been to the supermarket and loaded up with reformed ham, mousetrap cheese, "family value" tomatoes and the cheapest available bread. I just goggled at it, didn't say a word. These were all, all of them, foodstuffs that she would never in a million years allow in her own kitchen. Did she seriously think I would feed them to our mother? Couldn't believe my eyes.
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The caregiver was not hired to play hostess !!
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hosting family and friends

Dont expect the care giver to play hostess every day,all day as if its a revolving door of company dropping in !!! it gets real old, real fast having to stop what im doing and listen to family stories and friends asking me questions about my self !!! over and over again,serving food, coffee, tea ,its as if there is no down time !

when C/G takes off with the loved one (doctor appointments,out to eat shopping ),and family is constantly calling you while ur driving and u cant answer phone don't get pissy cause C/G didn't reply right away !!

many times C/G is busy with YOUR love one !! and many states dont allow you to talk on phone as ur driving !!

when I'm in house i don't carry around the phone with me so if i don't answer its cause i don't have phone on me!!! or cant hear it ringing from the other room !!
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if ur going to provide food don't buy food that is nearly expired or expect the C/G to eat crap that been sitting in ur fridge for weeks or cheap a** food that you would not even feed ur kids with.... most of it will get thrown out !!!!
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what im writing bout is true to life experiences no one ever talks about....

many wonder why they go through caregivers one after the other !!! what im writing, may be why !! its insight to the flip side !!

many will hire a person off the street to care for their loved one cause they don't want to pay big money for mom or dads care and they don't want to go by the rules the state has placed with the agency!!

its not that im angry..... this is what goes on for real !!! with how care givers are being treated ! as independent contractor !!
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you can bundle mom or dad up, layered clothes, place a blanket over them, put a space heater near them !!! buy them electric blanket, the whole house doesn't need to be heated up.
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Gypsy my mom lives with us, in our home. She is always cold, even if the heat would be on 80.. this is year round. Hubs and I just sweat and bear it. If I was Paying someone to live here and take care of mom,, I would still want MOM to be comfortable.. after all it is her home, and she is the "patient". As to saving money on food,, perhaps that is what they can afford ? If they are on a limited income and trying to provide care for mom by paying you on a limited income, this may be how they eat, not an attempt to shaft you.
You seem very unhappy, perhaps you should look for another position that would work better for you and your elder. No one is happy if either is unhappy. Good luck!
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part two ... heated homes /air conditioned homes.

don't expect care giver to sleep well and be happy go lucky when you decide to place the heating system at 95 when its 67 out side!!!

if your cold, wear sweaters, heaver clothes, socks in shoes .t-shirt under your shirt !! the care giver is moving around cooking, cleaning etc it get warm fast !!! and the heated air one cant breath well ! it sucks up all the oxygen!! for god sakes

same goes for A/C when its 100 to 90 degrees out side put the A/C on ! again C/G is running around cleaning toilets,making beds,cooking, etc and ur just sitting there watching tv not stirring around, it gets hot as ur trying to work!!! WEAR CLOTHING THAT FITS THE WEATHER !! SHORTS SANDALS, DRINK ICED DRINKS ! SINCE UR NOT RUNNING AROUND WORKING !!! UR NOT WORKING UP A SWEAT BUT C/G IS !!

please dont have the heat at 80 degrees when ur all warped up in blanket at night you will sweat !!!! catch cold !!! and please have ac on at night so one can sleep well!! or better yet to save on money allow the C/G to have a fan in the window to suck in cool night air !!!

don't place a card board block on the a/c vent to keep AC from blowing in C/G room thinking ur saving money YOUR NOT!!!

NEXT ILL WRITE ABOUT TIME OFF .....
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yes i mentioned written in first sentence but it doesn't matter if ur not going to confront them on it and besides i have found they will come up with some crazy reason why to justify their reasons for doing so.
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Always get your agreements in writing.
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