Caregiver vs family issues.

Started by

don't make promises you cant or wont keep ! the care giver is very aware You didn't follow through on your verbal / written deal ! even if they say nothing they know!! they are just waiting their time till a better jobs comes along !!

Don't expect caregiver to eat food that has been sitting in your cabinets / refrigerator for weeks / years and then act like its nothing.

Don't buy sh**y food and expect the caregiver to be ok with it, junk food and shotty food that is on the brink of expiring that u bought at the discount store wont do ! the C/G will throw it out behind your back cause its not eatable !!!!

dont wait weeks to buy groceries expecting the caregiver to buy their own food along with buying food for your loved one..... when u are trying to save your self money..... the caregiver will not by your loved one food when they have bills to pay instead, your loved one will go with out believe me I know!!

the care giver makes 6 meals a day with 3 or more snacks between meals for them and the loved one they are caring for adds up !!

if you said you were going to give board / food as package deal do it !! don't try to bail out on it !! yes food is expensive but you cant expect the C/G to eat crap or do you ?

don't get paranoid when C/G is just browsing in ur cabinets / refrigerator to see what they can eat its ok dont be scared they are just looking !!


Ill have insight later on other issues care givers and families seem to have problems with.


Always get your agreements in writing.
yes i mentioned written in first sentence but it doesn't matter if ur not going to confront them on it and besides i have found they will come up with some crazy reason why to justify their reasons for doing so.
part two ... heated homes /air conditioned homes.

don't expect care giver to sleep well and be happy go lucky when you decide to place the heating system at 95 when its 67 out side!!!

if your cold, wear sweaters, heaver clothes, socks in shoes .t-shirt under your shirt !! the care giver is moving around cooking, cleaning etc it get warm fast !!! and the heated air one cant breath well ! it sucks up all the oxygen!! for god sakes

same goes for A/C when its 100 to 90 degrees out side put the A/C on ! again C/G is running around cleaning toilets,making beds,cooking, etc and ur just sitting there watching tv not stirring around, it gets hot as ur trying to work!!! WEAR CLOTHING THAT FITS THE WEATHER !! SHORTS SANDALS, DRINK ICED DRINKS ! SINCE UR NOT RUNNING AROUND WORKING !!! UR NOT WORKING UP A SWEAT BUT C/G IS !!

please dont have the heat at 80 degrees when ur all warped up in blanket at night you will sweat !!!! catch cold !!! and please have ac on at night so one can sleep well!! or better yet to save on money allow the C/G to have a fan in the window to suck in cool night air !!!

don't place a card board block on the a/c vent to keep AC from blowing in C/G room thinking ur saving money YOUR NOT!!!

Gypsy my mom lives with us, in our home. She is always cold, even if the heat would be on 80.. this is year round. Hubs and I just sweat and bear it. If I was Paying someone to live here and take care of mom,, I would still want MOM to be comfortable.. after all it is her home, and she is the "patient". As to saving money on food,, perhaps that is what they can afford ? If they are on a limited income and trying to provide care for mom by paying you on a limited income, this may be how they eat, not an attempt to shaft you.
You seem very unhappy, perhaps you should look for another position that would work better for you and your elder. No one is happy if either is unhappy. Good luck!
you can bundle mom or dad up, layered clothes, place a blanket over them, put a space heater near them !!! buy them electric blanket, the whole house doesn't need to be heated up.
what im writing bout is true to life experiences no one ever talks about....

many wonder why they go through caregivers one after the other !!! what im writing, may be why !! its insight to the flip side !!

many will hire a person off the street to care for their loved one cause they don't want to pay big money for mom or dads care and they don't want to go by the rules the state has placed with the agency!!

its not that im angry..... this is what goes on for real !!! with how care givers are being treated ! as independent contractor !!
if ur going to provide food don't buy food that is nearly expired or expect the C/G to eat crap that been sitting in ur fridge for weeks or cheap a** food that you would not even feed ur kids with.... most of it will get thrown out !!!!
hosting family and friends

Dont expect the care giver to play hostess every day,all day as if its a revolving door of company dropping in !!! it gets real old, real fast having to stop what im doing and listen to family stories and friends asking me questions about my self !!! over and over again,serving food, coffee, tea ,its as if there is no down time !

when C/G takes off with the loved one (doctor appointments,out to eat shopping ),and family is constantly calling you while ur driving and u cant answer phone don't get pissy cause C/G didn't reply right away !!

many times C/G is busy with YOUR love one !! and many states dont allow you to talk on phone as ur driving !!

when I'm in house i don't carry around the phone with me so if i don't answer its cause i don't have phone on me!!! or cant hear it ringing from the other room !!
The caregiver was not hired to play hostess !!
G, I'm just curious - I share your rant feelings :) But have you expressed them to the culprits?

My sister once "brought lunch" when she and my brothers descended on our home for a summit conference (read: concerted attack on me, it was a fun day). On her way over, she had been to the supermarket and loaded up with reformed ham, mousetrap cheese, "family value" tomatoes and the cheapest available bread. I just goggled at it, didn't say a word. These were all, all of them, foodstuffs that she would never in a million years allow in her own kitchen. Did she seriously think I would feed them to our mother? Couldn't believe my eyes.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support