I'm so tired, physically and emotionally. My health is suffering.

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Mom with pneumonia, diabetes and coronary artery disease. Husband with early onset Alzheizmer's. I am so very tired, physically and emotionally. Stress is causing my diabetes to be out of control. I am under my doctor's care. We are currently trying to make the decision whether or not for Mom to have a quadruple bypass operation, or to let her live our her life with Congestive Heart Failure. She is 83. Her doctors have left the decision up to us (Mom, me and my siblings). She still has a sharp mind but at her age and with the diabetes not under control, I don't think surgery is the right answer for her. Any experiences or thoughts on this subject for me?

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Oh .. and she's be 91 in two months. She battles on!!
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Hope you thoroughly enjoy your two week vacation .. you've certainly earned it!!

Here's another story .. this time more positive towards surgery. Edna (my client) has a congestive heart condition (tho no heart failures, to date), high BP, recurrent UTIs (due, in part, to incontinence and a prolapsed rectum) with the ensuing battles of too many antibiotics and the risk of creating a superbug she'll never beat, onset diabetes, high cholesterol, and had a stroke 5 years ago, with resulting vascular dementia.

I'll make a much longer story short. She got gall stones and a vicious infection. The options were surgical (with least invasive procedures) or antibiotic treatments. Both carried high risk. She has a DNR, except for procedures that improve life (not just prolong it).

Opted for surgery, after much consideration. Simultaneous to the surgery one of her long term meds was discontinued. Cut to a month later. She's in better condition than she's been in for nearly four years. It's astounding.

So, yeah .. everyone is different. You just have to weigh out the pros and cons.

Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.
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Al is assisted living.
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Thanks but what is AL? She has land and they consider that as asset, it is wetlands. no water or sewer. My Mom's house has old in it badly as my Dad was tight with the money.Her house has a value , but the house is all one piece with the 97 acres.. I have spoke to Champlain Valley Office of Aging, they are not any help really. they say she owns assets with the land and house. I have no funds to fix up her house, get a engineer to deal with the town on a possible sub division on her house and have just the house with 2 acres, it would make more sense. There is only one spring here that I am on , my parents and my brother, there is no water, I have a septic mound cost me $14,000 in 1990 that is my sewer. It;s crazy, every way I try no help. Mom has tried every anti depressant in her lifetime,,, no results..
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If the anti depressant medication she's on isn't working, she should be seen by a geriatric psych or geriatrician and switched to one that might be better; there are lots of options out there. I've been told many times that with AL, you need to apply for NH when you're down to your last 6 months of funds. Check with the social work dept at the AL, or at your local council on aging.
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Mom's memory has gotten worst, she yo--yo's on her decisions and changes her mind, She can not comprehend much going on in her assets or liabilities. She has depression and is in Assisted Living and sleeps till 2-3 pm so she misses breakfast and lunch,, in her nightgown all day in her room. She will go without eating rather then get dressed and go downstairs by elevator with people who want to be her friend,Chronic depression runs in her family, She really has no will.The Assisted Living is close to $60,000 per year. She will not push her bracelet for help for anything,,, I know she is not taking a shower very often, I am not happy wit where she is staying but there are more worst ones, what a shame all the money being paid for her to have a good time, activities, road trips to local shopping centers, musicals up on the 9th floor overlooking Lake Champlain, I know when someone has depression, nothing can make them happy, I know money is going to run out. I do not know what to do,,,Her father quit eating as he wanted to die and he did, from not eating. Her brother hung himself at 60 years old and the note he left was he did not like getting older,,Mom has been on medication and it never works for depression. I have taken care of her and my Dad for 8 years. My Dad passed 2 years ago.. Her house needs repair to sell and the house comes with 97 acres of woods that are wetlands...I lay awake till 4am or later,,,,,their seems to be no options:(
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If Mom can make a decision, that is fine, but perhaps with family assistance and opinions.
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Yes, at her age, your mother is at risk for surgery option. As you have said, your mom still has a sharp mind, then let her make the decision.
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You need to get your own caregiver's health under control or you will not be able to help your Mom any longer. Perhaps your Mom needs to go to assisted living arrangements while you are mending yourself?
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THANKS STEPHAN, I AM ALSO GETTING SLACK FROM A GREEDY HALF BROTHER THAT DOES NOTHING, HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT MY MOM'S WILL. I TOOK HER TO A LAWYER AND HAD HIM FILE IT WITH THE COURTS, HE JUST FOUND OUT AND IS LIVID,,,, MOM HAS ALREADY GIVEN HIM $55,000. PLUS CO SIGNED FOR HIS HOUSE AS HIS DRINKING GOT HIM A DIVORCE AFTER 17 YEAR MARRIAGE,,,,
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