A quick summary from your newest member: Third of three, very dysfunctional family, professional mother turned her head rather that see the abuse and neglect I suffered. Middle child died, father died, fast forward a lifetime to that mother with whom I forged a relationship at some cost living with my abusive and cruel oldest sibling. Mom has some money, my marriage is toast, I brought my mom to a new state (near another relative) and set her up in a new home (not assisted living). I'm looking for work and I used my pitiful monies to purchase an RV, this is the cheapest way tolive I can figure. It's not so bad.
Okay, that's more or less the story, now here I am with no friends and no job in a new city! I do love this city, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Still, here I am. I was feeling so overwhelmed! I was on the phone with a friend who cared for his mother and I told him how frustrated I am with mom, how she refuses to make an appointment for a hearing test, won't use her cane, won't discuss certain topics regarding her care. Then he said something that has truly liberated me.
I'm going to set all that old family crap behind me. I am in the NOW, and I have no help. I am IN CHARGE. I am going to TELL her we are getting her hearing checked, TELL her to take her cane, TELL her we are getting an estimate on a ramp for her home. If she complains, my weapon is the ULTIMATE -- me.
I am so grateful my friend explained this to me. I know this is going to be hard, but it's the only way this will work. She has no choice. I'm a really nice person and I always ASK, but that is inappropriate. She needs to be told. My guess is that she will be relieved, actually. Sometimes she complains that I'm too bossy, but what is funny is that she's confusing me with her.
I'll play nice. But I'm done with a whole lot of this crap. I'm worn out, have no idea who to get help from, but this is a good start.