Sick and tired...
Well, like the title says.....I'm so very sick and tired of people telling me how "fortunate", "blessed", "lucky" I am for having to take care of my 90 y/o mother who has dementia, they say "oh, enjoy this time with your mother, enjoy her while she is still here", "I wish I could have done that".....blah, blah, blah!!!!! I'm the one who is here, all by myself, every freaking day (with some help from my youngest daughter), but without the help of my irresponsible, heartless, selfish siblings.
What is so d.....m fortunate, or blessed or lucky about that? How can this people tell me that? When I ask if they have parents with this dementia illness, some tell me their parents are gone, other people tell me their parent is in a nursing home because "I can't take care of her, I have a job, I have other "things" to do, blah, blah, blah.
There is NOTHING, NOTHING remotely enjoyable about caring for elderly people, whether they are related to you or not. It's frustrating to say the very least. I have become a very selfish person, I truly do not care what anybody says, I'm taking care of myself first otherwise, I think I will buy a couple of plane tickets and take her back to Mexico and deliver her to one of my selfish sibling's door. Something stops me from doing this and, as my dear husband tells me, "it's duty, not love, what keeps you plugged in". It's true, I don't like this, I hate this, hate this situation and, since I can't very well take her back because they don't want her there, I'm stuck, hopelessly stuck until whenever she finally rests in peace. My oldest daughter tells me I'm being selfish when I leave her alone for a couple of hours to go work out but she never offers to come here and sit with her so, her opinion is totally irrelevant. I'm going to do what I need to do to survive until my mother dies. Never mind the possibly huge bills we will have to face if she needs to be hospitalized, I guess we will deal with that later.
So, stop embellishing elderly care, it sucks whether you are a daughter or son caring for your parents or a care giver, who has to work and has to be cleaning and changing soiled, smelly people because their relatives can't or wont do it themselves. I have to do it, if only because I have no other choice, but I don't have to like it, and I DON'T!!!!!
Next time someone tells me "I should be grateful for having the opportunity of caring for my elderly, sick mother", I'm going to either slap that person or invite that person to walk in my shoes for a week. Lets see how fortunate, blessed or lucky they feel afterwards.