Seeking wise advise that will help me survive.
My mother is 82 years old. I was told by her primary care doctor, that she is in end state. Im here primary care taker along with my father who is old as well so I do most of the chores to make both of there lives comfortable and live with dignity. My mother has mutiple serious health issue, chronic anemis, congestive health failure, renal failure and currently receiving dialysis 3 times a week. She has a gastric bleed that is caused by a malformation in her intestins that cause her to bleed out through her rectum. he has had more than many blood tranfustions. She is in and out of the hospital because of the extensive treatment she needs during the constant medical crisis. I have walked this journey with my mom for 2 years watching her decline as each day goes by. The sad part about this whole story is that I have 4 healthy siblings that have left me alone to tend for my mother, but I'm actually caring for both my mom and dad. He has a heart condition and he could not fend for himself if he had to care for my mom alone. I had to quite my job, file bancruptcy so that I can be there for her in her because I see it in her eyes and body that she is withering away. I talked to my sibling to tell them that I need help caring for mom and they give me all kinds of excuses and some even said that I exagurated her condition. I was floored. I cant believe we are related by the same mom and dad.My older sister to me "put mom in a hospice and go on with my life". I know my mother would take her last breathe if I did that. But it is her decision and I explained it to her and she refused. She has that right! Now her cardiologist want to place a pace maker in her and Im waiting for the cardiologist to tell me when, then I will discuss it with my mom and she can make her dignified decision. I am so tired and depleted dealing with this alone. Sometimes I w. ant to run away but that is not an option. My mother cared my siblings and I till we moved on as adults. I could never turn my back on my mother. I have lost sleep have to take anxiety medications and have lost approx. 15 pounds I cant afford to loose because my perfect weight for my 5-2 hieght is 115lbs. I have shared my emotional and physical decline to my siblings and the fact that my mother craves there presence and my words fall on death ears. God forgive them. There is no excuse under the sun for this behavior. My mother needs round the clock help and I have to lease out my home and displace myself to give my mother the attention she needs. I try to stay busy readying and motivating myself spiritually because I cant find any other avenues that help. My father ask me to do something I was shocked to hear coming from his mouth. He said if your mom dies anytime time soon, he want to bury her right away and not say anything to my siblings, He will move to Puerto Rico and when they decide to call, I will give them the news that mama had passed weeks ago. And further mention to them since you all would call every 3 or 4 weeks and visit once in a blue moon dad felt it was best this way. My siblings all live 30, 50 and one of them 5 minutes away. They dont have little children to care for, one brother is retired from the Sheriff, the other works as a sheriff, my sister works Mon thru Friday weekends off and the other sister works parttime and lives 5 minutes away. None of them helped me when I said lets rotate caring for mom so I ma rest. They all have the weekends off. That was a joke for them. As I said, I have sought out Gods spiritual help because I feel so alone in this process. I cry almost every day because I feel overwhelmed. My mother ask that I go to the mortuary and get her funeral prearranged and I know that is a good thing to do since I am alone in this journey. All I desire is to love my mother and to assure her I have not abandon her whens she needed me the most. I dont want to caring guilt in my heart as my siblings will. This is being human and being compassionate. I live thru those words in everything I do in live. I have no regrets and I would do it all again for my mom. Your feedback will help me when the time comes. Thank you for allowing me to share and I look forward to any and all positive thought to help me recover my sanity. Thank you