Caregiver wages/ Parents estate.

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My dad has been living with me for 9 years. We have never been paid a dime for taking care of him and he has alzheimers for the past two years. We pay for some of his expenses out of our own money such as cable and water and gas to get all his groceries. can we come back to the estate after his passing and get paid for all that we did to help him live a peaceful and happy life. My wife and I both work and have given up a great deal of our lives and time to take care of my dad and no family members help us at all. They complain and moan about where the money is and the POA complains if we ask for money to pay for dads items. We love our dad and want the best for him and to make him comfortable but we do feel that other siblings should not be entitled to the money at the end. We cannot use the funds to put him in AL as the POA won't authorize it and the POA will also not pay for a caregiver to come in during the days we work to help dad bathe and eat and get his meds. We just want to know if anyone has ever heard of the estate being sued by the caregiver and if the caregiver has a right to any of the funds.


My first question would be 'who is the POA' because not allowing your father to have help with daily needs while you're not present is an irresponsible decision.

Yes, there have been occasions where caregivers have sued the estate but I wouldn't wait for that. I would seek the help of an elderlaw attorney to help you get funds to help care for your Dad safely. Yes, there will be an initial expense but that expense may actually come out of your father's estate if the attorney is able to either convince the POA or win a case in court.

Caregivers can receive salaries and compensation for their expenses paid from the care recipient's estate. The lawyer can set that up for you. If the POA is a "public guardian", this may be a bit more difficult but still easier than suing the estate after your father passes.

Thanks for your dedication,

Shelley Webb RN
Geriatric Care Manager

POA is dad's brother.
Go to a Lawyer. He is not acting in the best interest of your father. This is a definite no no. Also call Adult protective services on his brother and report the situation to them. This is not how a POA should be handling matters. He, if he has the means, should be able to put in an assisted living facility. This is not up to the POA. Call Adult protection services, a visit from them to the POA might help facilitate getting your dad the care he needs. If the money is not there than your dad might qualify for medicaid and a medicaid provider to come in during the day to help him with meds. and bathing.
Ditto! You need the advice of a good elder law attorney. Get some recommendations and then make an appointment. Today.
Your dad's brother is not caring for your dad, you are. The money doesn't belong to your uncle, it belongs to your dad and should be used for his care and living expenses, including Al or SNF, if needed.
Just checking in. I hope you have had some luck with something. I will be cheering you on.
I am trying to hire an in home caregiver but he won't pay for an agency. How do I do this and not have my home be in jeopardy? I have a great person that I work with who would be willing to do this but my wife is not a fan of having someone come into the home who is not bonded. Can a personal person get themself bonded? What are the risks to our home having a caregiver?
It can be expensive to get bonded. You have to have a background check, file with the state, and usually put up a sum of money to be bonded If the home is in your name, and medicaid is paying for the caregiver to come in, there is no risk.If you hire a person you don't know... Then the risks are of course theft, breakage of property, or maybe abuse of the elder. How comfortable do you feel with this person?? If medicaid pays for a provider they can put a lien against the property or estate of the person they are providing the caregiver for, but not your home if your father has no legal interest in it. Why won't he pay for any agency. Have you tried telling him if he cannot show where your father cannot afford it that you will ask for an accounting to be shown to a judge or adult protective service worker. Agencies are bonded, and caregivers are trained. Be firm with your father's brother. Do you know what assets your father has? what income? If not ask that your father's brother show you. Was your dad in the service during any of the wars? If he was, he is entitled to Veteran's aid and attendance. Is there an adult day care close? That might be another option. Is there an senior community center close? They, if you drop the senior off, have activities and usually lunch provided for them. Have you looked into Meals on Wheels?
Senior daycare is 60.00 a month. Again he won't pay for these items. We are in the process of trying to get aid and attendance from the VA but I hear that takes a long time. We are waiting for doctors diagnosis before the papers can go in. I know this person for a couple years and she does a great job here at work. My wife is apprehensive. This person I would like to hire said they would do it legally so everything is above board and our property is safe and the wages will be reported so that tells me alot about her. I don't think she is out to get me in any way but how do I make my wife see that. Dad needs help and this lady needs some extra cash and also took care of her brother who had a stroked and her mom before she had to be put in nursing home.
It's wonderful to have someone you know that's available to come in to provide care. As long as you're employment situation is on the up and up (she's claiming the income, etc) what would be the risk? Your homeowner's insurance would cover anything that might happen to her while she's in your home. To set your mind at ease, call your insurance company and run the situation by them.
HOWEVER, you really must address this situation with the POA. As everyone has stated, he does not have the right to withhold the money needed for your dad's care. In fact, making sure your dad's needs are met is exactly his primary responsibility.
Please contact him today, tell him what care arrangement you have decided upon, what it will cost and when and where he will need to send payments. If he refuses, tell him you will have no choice but to proceed with contacting adult protective services.
Also, you should invest in a visit with an elder law attorney. You should be compensated for the care you provide, particularly since the rest of the family is not making any contribution (monetary or labor) to caring for your dad.
What is the POA's motive for refusing to pay?? Is he the sole beneficiary of your father's estate?
Dear Anonomys1,
POA = executor of your Dad's estate. That can be changed easily-need the attorney, your Dad's willingness and signature. Is your Dad capable of reasoning about this situation and understanding how your uncle is abusing his position as POA? Maybe you can talk to the lawyer yourself in private. I agree with all those who have responded to you above but have not read anything about someone being the Medical POA. So who has the Medical POA? That is different from being an executor [financial part] of your Dad's estate. For instance, my brother has financial POA and is executor of my parents estate, but I have Medical POA and only I have the right to make decisions on my Mom's medical care [where she goes, what treatment she needs, etc...]should anything need to be changed or anything like that. Because I am the one who was in the trenches as primary CG, I have the MPOA. Daddy passed just this past May. My brother and sister are the best in the world, and brother compensates me every month for all the work I do from the trust itself. Your uncle should be doing the exact same thing. There is help out there as the others said above, you just have to do your homework. It will be well worth it in the end. I also have worked with the VA and there are a lot of forms to fill out. But all you need are the proper forms, your Dad's discharge papers, Medicare RX prescriptions that your Dad has been taking, etc....of whatever else they require, get the ball rolling on this......he can be compensated. Your Dad deserves that. He fought for our country and the VA can help you even if it may take months. Just get the ball rolling as soon as you can. God bless you.

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