It stinks to feel this level of resentment for your own parent!!
Hi All - I have been reading this forum off and on for some time. It's helpful to know that I'm not the only one dealing with the challenges posed with caring for elderly parents. My mom has been living with me and my family for almost 10 years now. I can cry when I think about it. I know that sounds selfish but my mom is such an energy vampire and it's so hard to be around her. She doesn't drive and her income level is low so we thought it would be great for her to live with us; otherwise, she's healthy as an ox and 80 years young. On weekends, when her shows aren't on, she comes looking for me about 5 times a day!! It really drives me crazy, I want to cry. She is constantly telling depressing stories of who killed who from the news. She is constantly complaining and she likes to bad mouth other people. My kids don't even like to be around her because she's pushy and she can't understand why they don't pay attention to her. She just thinks that she's such a "victim". I'm to the point where I resent people, just ordinary people who don't have to care for their parents. Awful, I know. I avoid inviting people to my home because she is often embarrassing. She's overly opinionated and doesnt know what questions are and aren't offensive. EVERYWHERE I go, she seems to want to come. And if I don't take her, she's "stuck" here because she doesn't drive and there is no public transportation around. I feel like her entertainment director. She has no life outside of my and my families life. I've encouraged her to take a trip to see her family SO many times (her sisters live in Italy) but there's always an excuse (apparently, when she visits, her sisters go about their normal life, and don't take her enough places). She depends on other people to make her happy and expects things from people. She has many times thrown in my face that she did this and that for me growing up (and insinuates that I now "owe"her). In fact, I"m pretty much convinced that this is why she had me to begin with..to keep her company in her old age. I really wish that I was one of those people who were crazy about their mom and who had a great relationship. Truth is that I really do love her but I do see her as a huge burden - her attitude is what makes it most difficult. I wish I had my own life. I REALLLLLLY wish that I had my own life. If we manage to go on a vacation without her, it's heavenly to feel those severeal days of independence. We recently bought a bigger house, that we really did not want to buy, just to give us and her separate space, and she calls it her jail. Not ONE bit appreciative of anything. In fact, I think this is the source of her constant unhappiness. I could go on forever, but I won't. I feel so STUCK and I feel like she's constantly dragging me down. I shudder when I hear her coming up the steps. Sad, I know. We moved from our original home because she lived with us and there was no in-law suite. It was TORTUROUS. She would rearrange my cabinets and decorate for me! I think she hates it almost as much as we do but she is too afraid to live on her own because of both financial reasons and feelings of lonliness/need. I feel like I can't breathe. It really stinks feeling this level of resentment for your own parent!!!