I feel overwhelmed and depressed all the time...please help!!

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I have been taking care of my Granny for almost 2 years now, my Mom passed away and was an only child, as am I. I feel overwhelmed and depressed most the time. I would love to have some ME time but there is No One to help me at all. I do not want to put my granny in the Rest Home , she took care of me when I was little and I owe her that. I'm just so tired, mentally and physically drained, Help!


2young, it is no wonder you are tired, taking care of your grandmother and three children for so long. You don't say much about your grandmother and what stage she is in. There often comes a point with dementia that family need to seek help outside the home. This doesn't necessarily mean placing your grandmother in assisted living or a nursing home. You may also qualify for services such as in-home care or hospice. Some elder care organizations offer respite care for elders that allows a caregiver a chance to get away for a while (days or even weeks). There are so many options available that there is no need to lock yourself on a set course.

I understand the obligation you feel toward your grandmother, since she didn't have to raise you. However, that obligation does not mean that you have to personally do everything yourself. Your obligation is to make sure that she is loved and cared for in the best way you can. If this means ultimately having to place her in a nursing home, it does not mean you failed your obligation. You will still be able to visit often, but you won't feel bad that you're no longer able to help her well enough. All we can do is take it one day at a time and hope things don't get beyond our abilities.

It is critical, though, that you take time for yourself. I know no one is there to help you and it is hard to start the process of seeking professional help. What may be a good first step is to call hospice to see if she qualifies. Hospice may be able to work with you to get you the rest you need. Let us know how it goes. We know exactly how you're feeling, because many of us are in the same place.
I agree with everything JesseBelle has said to you and advised. You are quite young for such a burden and you have children to think about. I hope you can consider the idea of an alternate situation for your grandmother. Nursing Homes of today, on the most part, have a good reputation. My mother was living in one and quite well adjusted.

My heart goes out to you with all these responsibilities. It is difficult for children as well to be on the receiving end of the ramifications of caretaking at home or elsewhere. You feel you have to be two places or doing two or more things at once. And something has to give. This is the only time you will have a chance to be there totally for your children..... think of that....you are a wonderful and caring grandaughter and I give you great credit for what you have done.

It is not selfish to thing of yourself or the lives of your children as they and you are important as well.

Hugs to you across the miles and will keep you in my prayers. You deserve great things to come and I pray they come your way. Blessings and take care.

Sending you good energy...hopefully this site will give you some comfort...it is a great reminder that we are NOT alone. (hug) Consider outside help and possible placement ...you can still rally around your grandmother, but allow some balance to parent and still lovingly support ur grandmother with lots of visits/care. Do the best you can...sometimes just one hour at a time...
Look for an Area Agency on Aging online too. Welcome to the Reluctant but Devoted Sisterhood of Caregivers, BTW. You will find lots of support and advice on here, for sure.
I am in the same situation as you it sounds like! I have 3 kids and take care of gma too. I do have a husband although he's always working and is hardly any help at all. I am going to the doc next week to get on something for depression. Life is too short to live like this! My gma has dementia which isn't that bad yet, I have been paying her bills for the last two years, making sure she takes her medicine, and eating a proper diet. I do feel depressed all of the time too, it sucks. I quit a job I loved, left all of my friends to help gma. Not that I wouldn't drop everything to help her, I love her dearly and she did help with raising me also, she didn't have to, it was because she loved me. It's really hard not seeing or talking to the person I have known my whole life. She can't remember any new information so it's hard to talk to her because she can't recall. I sure hope you seek professional help as I am, I know it will help me!

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