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I have been a caregiver for my mom for 11 yrs. she is now 90. i find myself getting angry at her for little things. then i feel so guilty and bad about it. she says the same things over and over and can't remember anything. i try to be patient. i know i probably have caregiver burn out but there is no one else to help and she will not go to assisted living. i am so tied down i can't have any kind of life.

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Moonbeam, I can so relate. I have been taking care of my 97 yr old mother-in-law for 3+ months now and not sure how much longer I can handle it. I admire your 11 yrs!! You are a special person! The hard part is her home is in AL and we live in TX so she is away from family/friends & is so homesick. Our plans are to take her back there the week after Christmas, but she is BEGGING us to let her stay home the month of January. It is out of the question, the days of living alone are over. We cannot seem to get this through to her. She is 100% dependent on a walker, so it is like she has no hands, therefore, she is unable to do anything for herself. Her memory is slipping too, which makes matters worse. I give her meds to her & 5 min. later she asks, do I need to take some medicine? Before she came my husband & I were used to doing so many fun things because we had no one else to answer to. I am like you, I feel I have NO life. Sometimes I get so upset, I just want my OLD life back! Today we had the biggest argument about her going home, I know my B/P was at stroke level. I get mad at myself because I let her upset me so bad! I just found this site today & feel it is going to be a big help to me.
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You say that she will not go to assisted living, but if you stop providing her care, what will she do?

It sounds like your mother has dementia. This is not going to get better. Probably it will get worse. You've been caring for her for 2 years. Is the dementia new? Can you care for her for another five years or potentially longer? Can she be left alone for short periods? What are her impairments?

What are your mother's finances like? Can she afford to pay for some in-home care? If not, would she qualify for Medicaid?

Either with her paying for it or by applying for Medicaid, please, please, arrange for respite for yourself. Having a few hours to yourself each day while an aide takes over the care can do wonders for your attitude and stamina.

And also arrange for some longer periods of respite -- a few days or a week away once in a while.

Nobody can be 24/7/365 caregiver for someone with dementia and retain their own sanity.

And if these measures aren't enough to restore your enthusiasm a bit, then take steps to get Mother in a care center. Your life is important, too.
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