I just need to vent.
I truly try to look for the humor in caring for my mom, but I have to admit that today I am finding nothing but the feeling of being alone.
My mom thinks she remembers everything without a problem and denies there is anything wrong with her other than her permanent broken leg. My mom wants to tell me what to do and my hop to it even though it could cause her to get hurt. Today at the doctor's office she even said phooey to the Alzheimer's and that I just needed to do what she said. Mom now has bronchitis on top of everything.
My husband's mother died from vascular dementia but he was not her caregiver and only saw her a couple of times a month. So I get to hear about his few experiences with her, but he gives me no emotional support. He has trouble even connecting the situation in his own head that here is an adult that should behave better and he can't get why she does what she does.
Then my oldest sister that lives in town, wants to be the controlling boss but doesn't want to sit with my mom so my husband and I can have time alone. If she does, she keeps calling wanting to know how long it will be before we return. We even go when my mom takes her nap, so my sister doesn't have to lift a finger.
We are planning one last cruise for my mom because she likes those kinds of things. I don't think she will be able to go next year because of her behavior issues that are developing into bigger issues. While we are going out of town, my older sister is inviting a bunch of people to town and I know she is going to want them to stay at our mom's home. I pick up the expenses because mom's money doesn't go that far.
I have to sit and listen to how I make the most the money, then I have to listen to how they can't do things for whatever excuse it is this week, and then it is a free for all at mom's.
I found myself having a discussion with my mom today that I walked away from going, why did I even try. The discussion was over her remembering and forgetting things. I walked off telling myself that I was the idiot in that conversation.
I just feel very frustrated and normally, I can keep those feelings at bay and focus on the humor, but it seems today that everyone around is in their own universe leaving me to wonder if I missed something.
I swear family will be the death of me, I sent an email out to my siblings giving them updates and I recommended they read up on the stages of Alzheimer's because we have a new normal with mom. I think I have 2 siblings that are in denial and clueless, I have one sister that does try to help from a far, but the others it is a lost cause.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to let some steam off because I know there are many in this group that understand what it is like to watch a parent not be your parent. I am not even sure who my mom is right now, but she is not the same woman that raised me and moves farther away everyday.
Thanks for listening and for all of you 24/7 caregivers, May God Bless, you are the best in my book.