Miss my Dad

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First of all, I have been through two years of tremendous struggle with my father who's mental and physical health declined. This website was so helpful because I was able to see others sharing their stories with all the same issues and emotions that coincides as you care for an aging parent. It was so helpful to confirm that my feelings both good and bad were justified and until you live it you may not completely understand. My father passed away three weeks ago and I miss him more than my words can express. I carry some guilt for my negative human emotions that I felt as I did my best to care for him while feeling so overwhelmed and so sad as I watched him decline. I was already grieving the loss of my father. As you go through this part of life all you can do is your best as you juggle your own life and family and care for a parents life that may overcome or consume your life. It is just a season that may be far longer for others then it was for me. I would give anything to have more time with my Dad. Please try to enjoy your parents even while they are driving you crazy. Step away and take care of yourself too. Thank you for all the insight and helpful perspectives.


Oh Khellebuyck-- I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. (((hugs))). I will try and remember what you posted next time my Mom rings her bell. Actually- two of my best childhood friends lost their parents -both within a short time of each other and through their loss I have learned to try and cherish my moments with my parents. But it can be hard. Sometimes, though, when Mom is just sitting quietly I will look at her and just try to soak up her image. Try to memorize her features. And when I go to my childhood home that they still live in , at night, I will sneak down from my old bedroom and meander around the old place--touching the little knick knacks that I grew up with- not because they are worth anything but memories. I'll even sit in front of the refrigerator feeling the warmth from its vents like I did as a young child on cold winter mornings waiting for my cinnamon toast. I have a weird attachment to things. I still dream about my Grandma's house after almost 15 years of it being sold.

Don't feel guilty. I am sure you did a wonderful job as your dad's caregiver. Blessings to you!!
Oh so sorry for your loss....with the angels now, I will pray for your families recovery!!! I never know what to say in this situation. because no words can change anything. it is painful, there was suffering, it is over, and still painful....it's a no win situation! Grieve but stay strong and stay here!!!

Thank you for reminding us we do need to appreciate what we do have. I can get so bored with Ma and short at times. I had lost the ability to enjoy her at all when I arrived here less than a month ago, and today have had so many wonderful moments with her since then....The other day I just went in there and gave her the biggest bear hug lifting her off her mattress...I cant remember last time I did that, and she giggled n enjoyed it so much!!!!! I will be eternally grateful for those moments and try to produce as many as we can!!! . THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE!
Khellebuyck, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear father. As one who has suffered the same loss, I truly understand what you're going through and the feelings of such painful sadness. The physical heartbreak will ease somewhat over the years but you will always miss him. My dad has been gone for many years and I still miss him and think about him every day. He was the greatest man I've ever known. You don't ever forget someone who played such a big role in your life.
Thanks you for reminding everybody to step back and enjoy your parent. I have such wonderful, sweet memories of my dad. I don't think about his final years very much, the cruel illnesses that took his life. I think he'd be proud that I remember him when he was whole, when he hugged me on my wedding day, the proud smile holding his first grandchild, the look of accomplishment when he finished his first marathon at age 50, and times he took me aside at Christmas and gave me money to spend only on myself not for bills. Just writing this has brought me to tears. See, you won't ever quit missing him but your pride for having him as your dear father will grow over the years.
You are in my thoughts. I wish you peace as you travel this road as it is one of the hardest and saddest in life.
Thank you everyone for sharing such beautiful heartfelt thoughts and memories. Having others understanding me and validating my nights brings healing. Blessing to all of you. As you are well aware old age is not for the faint of heart.
I miss my father, as well. He's been gone for 2 1/2 years and still the grief is sometimes palpable. I know I will never stop missing him.

My mother is now my responsibility and sometimes that is daunting. She was his challenge and delight for most of his life. I try to keep that in mind in my day to day care of her. I know that, somehow, in heaven, he knows I'm doing as best I can.

God's blessings to you Khellebuvck.

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