Think I'm cracking up! Lost it with mum earlier, I'm not coping with this torture.

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my mum gets up at 1pm, I make her breakfast normally tea and toast then I make sure she eats something as shes diabetic shes not eating much but today was just too much after saying she wasn't hungry earlier and refused a sandwich I put the evening meal on at 5pm it was ham and takes along time to cook I was in and out of kitchen when she went "MAD" where the hell is my dinner im starving I havnt eaten all day.
I started shaking and ran to my friends house and now im staying the night lying on her sofa with AGAIN no movement in my back and in a lot of pain. I think im heading for a breakdown illness or not I cant live like this for much longer and wonder how much crap its going to take before I have a breakdown. I feel so bad for my friend as shes been working all day and I suppose the last thing she needs is me here crying but shes been a true friend and as her mum died from als she understands. I hate my mum right now and the fact that ive no place of my own and sometimes feel like nowhere to run AND hate having to depend on anyone for REFUGE its awful! I will head back now tomorrow and my mum will be in foul mood and banging doors I need help and think her doc needs to move his ass?
any advice god if only I had the money to leave here right now im sick with worry as to how much longer I can hold out I am living with a mad woman and I cant cope. I hate my family right now and cant even answer the phone when they call they have no idea how stressful this is. Carers are the victims of dementia is so true I don't want to be a victim I just cant deal with this. My mum will do what she usually does and that's call my sis and tell lies then threaten to kick me out this is abuse and I cant take it feel like crap and now know I need to get away from her or ill go mad.
calm down wont cut it now she is only happy when shes been waited on all day long and I cant live like this. God what would I do to have someone do everything for me except wipe my ass?

36 Comments

the craziness can sure tear ya down. my mother started with hallucinations and phsycosis for the last 3 months of her life. by then i was so nuts i didnt bat an eye at the new developements.
I'm sorry Kazzaa...I know it frustrating. But if it is dementia...just try and tell yourself its not her. It's the brain thats slowly shutting down. By the time your mom is in her last days she will have lost at least 1/3 of it. Dementia is a horrible disease. The best thing to do when you are there and having to tend to her is not think of her as your mom. Only as someone you are caring for. Because truthfully she is no longer there. The person you knew of...is simply a shell. Its best not to get to worked up over things...as hard as it can be...try to be calm and just do a lot of nodding. When mom got really hard to deal with I would simply go in and do what I needed to do and walk out with out saying a word. Somedays...I would simply smile or hug her. The more agitated she was...as long as I was not getting mad or frustrated. That agitation would simply fade. If you can I implore you to google a gal on Youtube named Teepa Snow. She was very insightful on how to handle people with dementia. Just try and not take it all personal. Like I said, dementia is the brain slowly dying and they are not the loved one that you knew of before. Someone completely different and possibly someone that doesn't even know of their relation to you any longer. Its the disease. I hope this helps. Good luck and God bless.
Oh its dementia all right if it isn't shes playing a nasty cruel game. my situation is a bit different than a lot on this site as im living with her not by choice but had a bad accident and had nowhere else to go. Im expecting some money soon from the accident and it seems at times the wait is unbearable my pain specialist says theres nothing more he can do as the injuries will just not heal when im living like this everytime she stresses me my back packs in its just ongoing.
No matter how much you say its an illness its so frustrating to be exhausted from running around after her then to be attacked like shes not been fed?
I really don't know how anyone copes with this I think sometimes that we are not built to cope that its a job for professionals? I think if I had my own place to run home to everynight then maybe it would be easier? living with the person and depending on them for a roof over your head is the hardest as she uses this against me everytime the abuse is unreal.
I think I need a professional to tell her she cant behave like this? but then does it register its hard at this early stage to know if its pure manipulation or shes nuts? THEN am I nuts am I starving her or have I just lost all compassion and cant cope?
Sorry for RANTING but my nerves are in bits! be great if when I return shed forget the row but shes not that far gone yet!
Thanks for advice having no job or money coming in dosnt help it just makes you feel more trapped.

There has to be a light at the end of this dark tunnel and I know ill have peace one day.

Kazzaa, I'm going to say a few thing that you may think are going to be impossible, but, nothing beats a failure than a try. So.... yes!!!! remember E.T. and Elliot??? what Elliot felt E.T. felt, well your Elliot Mom's E.T.!!!! Next make "OK" your favorite answer with a smile no matter how you feel!!! and you can remember everything but Mom can't so tomorrow is a new day. What is a favorite treat??? A little spoiling (bribe) makes for a better Mom!!! Music is a mood changer, stabilizer. Do not argue it is pointless. Most of all take care of you!!! Oh that's another thing Mom most always like to remain your Mom!!! So maybe say can you make me feel better it may just make her slip into Mom mode!!!
I hear you ....it is so frustrating and like there is nobody that really knows what to do or say that helps. I had pains in the chest the other day and thought what good will I be if I have a heart attack. I love my mom but she would not want me to feel this awful trying to help her if she was her old self.
Kazzaa OH and when you are the one your Mom treats like this it usually because she knows you are never going to let her down. Just remember she probably knows you better than you know yourself but you know her too you know her weaknesses her buttons and her strengths, this stuff goes deeper than illness.... it only took water to melt the Wicked Witch of the West ... Dorothy just needed to know that, OH tat's another idea watch old movies with her.
dear Kazzaa i myself am looking after my mum dad passed on no to long ago and she is lonely and l have had to shat up my own home and live with her l send all day and night with her l love and that keeps me going, l look after dad in the last years of his life here on earth, an l'll look after her till she passes to be with him. I am sorry to hear you are at stresses door I to am at times their many times, all I can say is your not alone and that I understand. God love you for what your doing an I pray you strength in your battles ahead. We can only grow stronger by this road that so many of us carer are on
God love an keep you safe.
Yes...exactly. What Wuvicecream says....remember that this person is not the person you knew to be your mom. Also arguing seems to be a mute point. She relies on you for much more than you rely on her. At this point...try and do your best to be calm. She will feed off the anxiety. Find the little things that make her happy...and definitely take care of you. Find little moments to step out and breathe.
kazzaa, you don't have to calm down. Vent away! What we go through is very unfair. It helps me a lot to just get mad sometimes. Getting away is just what you needed to do, so you are doing fine. It may help you to stop and think about the quid pro quo of things. You have some security and your mother has a caregiver. She is not giving you the things you need emotionally right now, but she is giving what she can in financial support. I hope it will help you rebuild your life after the accident.

There are some things I do when I get really irritated with my mother. Sometimes I go for a walk or to the senior center to work out. Surprisingly the most effective thing is to visit my rabbits, who I would never be mean to. It calms me down to realize when I realize that me showing anger would frighten them terribly.

I know exactly how you feel. Caregivers have to put up with carp that humans were not intended to have to deal with. Sometimes I find myself in the worst times just saying Frakking Alzheimer's. The disease has kidnapped our lives and is holding us hostage. And no one seems to care, because it doesn't affect them. I'm so glad you have a friend that knows what it's like.

It just occurred to me that there is really no reason their anger and demands should upset us. We should just do the things that need to be done and let the rest roll off of us. It is hard to get past the person being the mother who once had complete charge of us. If you are taking care of her the best you can, then it is all you can do. Bless you for being there, and I hope you can rebuild your life on the foundation.
I recently had an experience similar to this. I had just spent two days taking my mom shopping (something she loves to do) and to a fair. Every meal, we ate at a restaurant (another thing she loves to do). At the end of the second day when I took her home and was giving her, her medication and getting her ready for bed, she turned to me and said "god is going to punish me because I don't take care of her." I'm not a religious person but my mother is, so I know this had some meaning to her. It put me over the edge and I lost it. I yelled at her and after I did I felt like my world had just crumbled down on me. I apologized to her, I hugged her, told her I loved her and then left. I am now finding it really hard to even go and visit her. I never want to get to the point of resenting her, but I'm finding it really hard to say it's just the disease talking it's really not my mom. As my kids watch me go through what I'm going through with my mom I am constantly telling them I will not do this to them. I have made sure I have secured my stay in a home so that unrealated care givers will take care of me knowing that it's a lot easier for them to not take things personally.

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