Losing it.

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I don't think I can do this much longer. I'm not the caregiver I thought I could be. I'm drifting away from my husband and friends...the few I have since we moved to NH.


If you mean New Hampshire, it's just cabin fever. Focus on Spring.
Bbear4mom, not all of us can be hands-on caregivers.... no different than not all of us can be surgeons, astronauts, lawyers, firefighters, etc.

In a previous question you had mentioned that your Mom treats you like a teenager. You will always be the *child* even when you are 75 years old, it is hard to convince some elder parents that you are a responsible adult. It won't be easy, she's living in your home, thus your rules.

What is the second option for your Mom? Anyone else she can live with? Or do you think she would be happier in independent living or assistant living where she can be around people from her own generation? What about senior center where she can mingle with others her age?
Bbear I know how you feel! Sometimes I become so stressed and overwhelm I think I am going to break down emotional. But please stay strong my friend, you need to find time for yourselves, whether that be looking for respite care, taking their loved ones to an adult day center, or just going for a short walk, swimming, just to get out of the house. But, in most cases it is hard to walk away and finding the time to relax it is often easier said than done.
I find most of the time I need to be in charge of everything that has to do with my mom"s care and neglect my own health.
Bbear, your family is still in the adjustment phase. I see your mother has only been with you for a month. The first few months were awful for me, as I am sure it was for my parents. There were so many changes and, really, what person wants to move back with their parents? It is like becoming a kid again in late life.

If you think it is not going to work, then I would make some changes right away before everyone gets settled in. As freqflyer wrote, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. And not every family can adapt well to another person in the house. If things look bad, shop around for a retirement community or assisted living facility near to you. That way you can keep an eye on your mother without having to live with her all day.
Set some boundaries with your mother so you can pull yourself out of this emotional dance with your mom. It's being caught up in this dance that is leading to your drifting from your husband and friends. I am glad that you are self-aware of this drifting.

She needs a psychological evaluation so that we can tell more where this dance is coming from. Like babalou pointed out anxiety and depression can be diagnosed and treated with meds.

I remember reading about this struggle back on a thread that you created earlier this month.

Your husband yelling at her does not help anything at all. Have you had a chance to talk with him about understanding why he feels the need to yell at her? What is going on there? Getting into a power struggle with her when its your house and you make the rules is pointless.

Keep your records about her behavior to give to her doctor in February and let us know how that appointment goes. How long is it until the appointment? Can you stay calm for that much longer?

One last suggestion, you may want to review that earlier thread to see if it helps to refresh your thinking about a few things. I wish you well in your journey through all of this in seeking the correct balance for everyone so that no one gets thrown under the bus while getting a good up to date handle on where your mom's health is as far as her mind goes and don't leave any possible option left uncovered in looking over the situation as a whole while developing a currently applicable plan and a long range plan without getting lost in the trees of the current crisis.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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